(Closed) exbestfriend/exbridesmaid should i make peace before my wedding next week? LONG

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: should i contact my friend/what should i say?
    Don't contact her & concentrate on getting married in a weeks time? : (18 votes)
    60 %
    Wait til after the wedding to c if she congratulates me or reaches out first? : (6 votes)
    20 %
    Hi hows things going etc I'm getting married next week wish me luck sorry u couldn't be there? : (3 votes)
    10 %
    other : (3 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2247 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Don’t write her an e-Mail asking her to wish you luck and/or congratulate you!!!  Either she does or she doesn’t.  You’ll know where you stand next week.  If she doesn’t reach out, then you should just move on from the friendship because all you’ll ever get out of it is heartbreak and frustration.

    Post # 4
    Member
    923 posts
    Busy bee

    I think sending a short friendly email before the wedding asking her how her wedding planning is going and letting her know about the new house/housewarming would be nice, but please don’t say “wish me luck”!  From what I understand she knows the date of your wedding, and if she wants to wish you luck she will.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee

    @bride202:  dont do anything for your wedding. if you value her friendship do it later aand make it about your friendship. youre as to blame for it ending as she is

    Post # 6
    Member
    1805 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Maybe she’s pissed off that you said her ring was selling for 2000? I would leave it alone, hopefully she’ll call to congratulate you..

    Post # 7
    Member
    1724 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    Ah, the frenemy. You know, as much as situations like this stink, sometimes you have to see the silver lining in them. I posted recently about a somewhat similar experience (with my friend’s boyfriend, our officiant from Hell, and said friend). Weddings can bring out the very worst in people. And many times, they bring out the worst in people that was always there – I lost a friendship over the wedding, but in the end it was for the better because I didn’t need a petty, jealous person always tearing down my successes when I would never do that in return.

    You have a friend here who isn’t exactly supportive. A friend who is dating a guy you think is dead wrong for her – and all that’s going to do is end up causing a lot of friction and resentment. There probably is some jealousy. And if she is so concerned about appearances and the price of her ring, it points to a very lonely future ahead of her – the price tag on that gemstone won’t make up for a miserable marriage. That said, you’ve made your statement about her boyfriend, and she’s made it obvious that she will not leave.

    It looks like a condition of this ‘friendship’ with her will likely always involve pandering to her deadbeat boyfriend, and the phase-out has already begun. Don’t bother reaching out to her again. Enjoy your wedding without her. You can’t convince her to feel excitement or happiness for you – she sounds like someone who is too caught up in her own misfortunes to notice the happiness of a friend, a frenemy, or whatever other way she views you.

    I’d say put the grave blanket over this friendship and look forward to meeting other people.

    Post # 8
    Member
    12250 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You have a wonderful FI who loves you, and she has an emotionally abusive FI who takes advantage of her. She’s lashing out because she’s unhappy, and there’s NOTHING you can say or do to help her, until she helps herself by giving that loser the boot!

    I wouldn’t e-mail her until long after the wedding.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    i think your email is perfect and sweet and kudos to you for being the bigger person. go ahead.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee

    @bride202:  if it helps, i had this issue with one of my very best friends (in highschool so we were very young) i eventually let her know that i would never approve of her SO or their relationship dynamics but that i would always love and support her. Our friendsip was sparse for a while but eventually she broke away from him and i was still there not judging her for it. We are still friends ten years later and laugh about how crazy he was

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