Post # 1
im a regular bee but am using an alternate id because of the situation. i really need some advice because i dont know what im feeling and it tears me apart. i am getting married in a little over a month. we have been together almost six years since we were about sixteen. i love him more than anything so i dont know why im feeling this way. heres the scoop, i was commuting to work for about four months on a train. someone kept continually catching my eye and i kept catching his. this is crazy because we never uttered a word to each other other than good morning. we kept exchanging stares and smiles throughout this time and i would get butterflies when he would get on. ive never felt this since me and my fi met from anyone else and i have no clue why i am when i love someone else. it feels so wrong just writing this but i really need advice. i recently got a new job closer to home so i dont ride the train anymore but i feel regret for not speaking to that person everyday. why……nothing ever happened between us ever. like i said just contagious smiles. please help.
Post # 3
@strangersmiles: I don’t know if I really have any advice, but I think it’s totally normal for this to happen once in awhile. Some other people have expressed similar situations on here, and I think the fact of the matter is that, while we choose marriage and love our FI’s or husbands more than life itself…30, 40, 50 years of being with one person is a long time. It’s natural to occasionally notice if someone else is attractive or even feel a spark with another person. I don’t think it diminishes what you feel for the man you’re in love with at all. It’s a normal, animalistic thing. The fact that you haven’t had this happen more than this one time and never acted on it is what really matters.
Post # 4
Hey–its ok! Butterflies are normal. Obviously, they’re not to be acted on, but sometimes in life there are going to be cute people you want to smile at. Marriage doesn’t give you blinders! It helps once you recognize it as just part of life, and also know that you won’t actually DO anything. That actually minimizes the feeling, I find. Another thing is to remember–butterflies don’t last, they’re not the ones helping you if you get sick or doing your laundry for you. They’re totally different from the committed loving relationship you have with your FI. They’re like a trashy magazine, you read it for a minute and it’s fun, then as soon as you’re done reading you forget about it. So no reason to beat yourself up hun!
Post # 5
I agree, this is completely normal. The trick is to not seek it out or act on it :). Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean you stop noticing attractive people.
Post # 6
@strangersmiles: I had an experience like this not too long ago – a guy started at my office – i had only been married a month but i couldnt help but look, i got that strange feeling too of butterflies for a hot second but it went away really quickly – especially since i’ve talked to him more…though off the bat i thoght he was attractive and fun to talk to the more i’ve talked to him the more turned off i was – it was really strange – i love my husband beyond anything but i think those feelings are kind of a natural thing – especially being so close to the wedding and realizing that you are committing for life. i NEVER would have acted on such feelings and felt kind of guilty that they happened but to be honest it made me appreciate my husband and our relationship that much more.
Post # 7
thank you ladies. i know that you guys are right but i cant help thinking what if. and thats really whats getting to me. i was in tears last night i dont know what more from, feeling guilty about this whole fiasco or because i didnt introduce myself. that was the first time i did that. ive only not been commuting for a week. i think the more time goes on the more it will just become smiles from the past. at least i hope.
Post # 8
time heals everything right. im already feeling better after reading these.
Post # 9
Awww don’t beat yourself up! This is totally normal! Being in a relationship doesn’t turn a magic switch and make you impervious to little crushes here and there. Trust me- this is not something you should feel guilty about- in fact, you should be proud that you didn’t act on these feelings! I know it seems like something monumental, but out of sight out of mind. You will forget about this guy soon, I’m sure.
Post # 10
First, stop stressing out so much! This is normal. Think about it. You are in the midst of the most stressful part of wedding planning (believe me, I know–my wedding is a mere week after yours!). I think sometimes for me, I start to associate that stress with my FI, which causes me to snap at him occasionally. Of course, the predominant feelings I have for him are absolutely the same love I have always had for him, but sometimes under all this pressure you occasionally feel a little less lovey-dovey.
Now, seeing this guy on the train has probably brought back tons of emotions and memories from when you first met your FI, when things were far less stressful and full of the excitement of new love. You probably miss that aspect of your relationship with your FI, and this guy has helped you remember all those old emotions. But believe me, this smiling relationship you have with him doesn’t really mean anything.
If you want to make yourself feel better, I suggest you take a weekend and just forget about wedding planning. Forget about all the stuff you’ve probably been obsessing over for the last year or so. Go on a date with your FI and just focus on bringing back all the fun to your relationship and none of the stress. It will probably make you feel TONS better!
Post # 11
@MsJeep23: couldn’t have said it better!!
Post # 12
Don’t beat yourself up. I had a similar situation. It happened at the Dentist’s office of all places. I was in the waiting room and looked up and caught the eye of one of the dental hygentists. I call it the 1000 yrd look, like you see in the movies. He was really cute. So, as I was getting my teeth cleaned he walks in and sits down and starts talking to the woman who was cleaning my teeth. I can’t really remember the conversation, but he was teasing her and at one point she says “You always come in here when I have really cute patients” and he said “Yeah, you’re right”. Talk about feeling awkward. Here I am laying back with my mouth wide open, UGH. I wasn’t engaged at the time, but had been dating my FI for almost 3 years. After my visit, I had to make another appointment to get a cavity filled. So, who ends up filling it. . . the cute dental hygentist. He was actually a really cool guy and very funny, but never did I once think to DO something about it. At that point I was totally over the awkwardness, and now every time I see him I don’t get butterflies in my stomach. i think it’s just a rush you get when you know someone else is attracted to you. I told my mom about it, and it has now become a private joke because she goes to the same Dentist I do.
Post # 13
i think you nailed it oribel. i think thats what it is. i totally all of a sudden got this feeling that i havent felt in a really long time and i miss it. lets be honest being together almost six years they become your best friend and companion and you get into the grind of everyday life. im definitely stressed about things with the wedding but i know im marrying my best friend and i know hes going to be by my side through thick and thin. i think im realizing that you arent necessarily going to feel that all the time with fi and i think thats what was/is tripping me up. thank you so much ladies. your advice has made me feel so much better.
Post # 14
Also, given how young you are, and how long you’ve been with your FI, it seems like you’ve not really dated much or experienced being attracted to different guys. So, it could be some of that coming out – also normal. But, if anything gets stronger, you may want to examine whether you’re trying to explore freedoms you never had being with your FI since age 16.