Post # 1
Sorry, my last post was just way too long. I will give you all the shortened version:
We are buying a house (well, BF is). I’m not moving in until we are engaged. BC of said house, engagment is on overdrive. We found a setting we like but the family stone we can use is pear-shaped, aka not my type and looks terrible with the setting we both love (and we used an online digital ring maker to see how it would look, too). I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but the look of the setting with that stone is not really my taste, and BF knows it, even though I tried to assure him that I could deal with it (we talked about an upgrade later, but I feel like is will have such sentimental value that I won’t want to change it). He wants me to love it from the get-go. It is just that I have to look at it for the rest of my life and it is the one thing that I wouldn’t mind looking a certain way (I am not one for labels or having to have the “best” of anything, but I feel like this is a significant item to really be in love with).
Bc of house, BF’s funds are dwindling and he asked me to help pay for ring if we get a new stone. I will do it if it means it happens sooner, but I can’t help but feel like this is going against tradition (I am fairly traditional). I also have mixed emotions since I know to expect it in the next few weeks–don’t get me wrong–I’m super excited, but the thrill of it is somewhat gone. I’m scared I will react poorly because I expected it for so long, and now I am REALLY expecting it. I’m scared that everyone I know is going to have reactions like, “it’s about time” and “finally!” instead of being excited (dad was a mix when we asked for his blessing–very happy but still said it was about time).PS–it has been 4.5 years. I think really I’m just so sad that it has taken this long, and it doesn’t seem like he has really looked for rings much at all until now. I had hoped he was as eager to spend his life with me as I have been, and I know he wants to but I just feel like it is so last minute right now. I can’t help but feel a little gyped of that excitement since I know what all is going on and I’m kind of sad that it didn’t happen sooner (esp if I end up helping to pay for the setting, which is a very distinct possiblity).I also feel mixed feelings about doing house/engagement at the same time–I always thought they would at least be a little spread apart, plus add the holidays on top of all that and it’s just a lot of momentous times at once–I’d like to enjoy each occasion a little first.
For all I know it will all turn out wonderfully and these fears will just go away, but for now I just have mixed feelings (good and nervous). Does anyone else feel this way or has anyone else experienced something similar? Please don’t think I am a greedy person–I know that I am very fortunate to have all of this happen now, but I just want to make sure we can enjoy each occasion. ANd yes, I have talked to BF about all of this.
Thanks in advance 🙂
Post # 3
I’m sorry that it’s not all working out the way you envisioned it, and I really don’t think you’re a superficial person, but sometimes it’s just the way the cookie crumbles. You have a wonderful man, an engagement ring that’s going to be exactly what you want, and a house! You’re pretty much living the dream:) I’ve never been through something like this, but try to focus on the happiness of it. Enjoy it instead of worrying about the “nothing to come after the wedding is over”. After the wedding you get to spend time with the man that you love and I’m sure that you’ll be having all kinds of wonderful memories even if they aren’t as exciting as buying a house or getting engaged.
Post # 4
As long as he seems ok with it and it doesn’t make him sad/hurt, I say there’s nothing wrong in wanting a different ring and helping to pay for it. No one needs to know you helped pay for it but the two of you. It’s not like when people ask about your engagement story you have to say “well we had this pear diamond…but I didn’t like it and insisted on something else…”
Don’t worry about it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from reading the posts on these boards, it’s that each one of us thinks we’re doing something untraditional, or unromantic, or out-of-the-ordinary, but that’s just it…MOST of us are thinking that. I take solace in knowing that each person has a unique story with some rough edges, and not everyone ends up with exactly what they had imagined…but that doesn’t mean it’s any worse than the fairy tale…just REAL.
Post # 5
I guess since I’ve been the “breadwinner” for much of our relationship, hving the steady job and degree, it’d not bother me too, too much to even go halves on something like the ring, especially if that meant I got the help pick it out and that I’d A) know for certain it existed and was coming, a reassurance I do not have nor do I feel I can look forward to having at this time and B) that it would be on my finger via one-knee’d proposing SOONER.
While watching Sweet Home Alabama, in the opening scene inside Tiffany’s when Patrick Dempsy tells her to, “pick one,” my BF made the comment that he’d always thought it was wrong to take the lady with you. I didn’t push, as I was in almost perpetual melt-down mode following a series of friends’ and relatives’ engagements, but wondered if it was because the surprise would be gone, the cost would be known, or what?
I think we al ahve dreams and notions of what “should” be the way tings work, and then life steps in like that kid from the Simpsons and says, “HA-ha.” I like the fact that you are going to be getting a ring you love, that he’s willing to do what it takes to do so WHILE purchasing a house, AND his pride didn’t prevent him from allowing for the option to get help with the cost. I wish my BF was as easy to talk to about such things and that I hadn’t grown up so used to keeping everything to myself that I don’t even know how sometimes. You know where things are, and while your surprise at his proposal may not be staggering, there is a lifetime of happy surprises ahead of you both that you can plan on sharing. 🙂
Post # 6
Thank you, ladies. Your kind words have given me some reassurance. I know these are definitely happy times, but I just wanted to get my worries off of my shoulders and vent a little. You are all right though–there really is no traditional way of doing things these days, as everyone’s situation is so different. We just have to do what is best for us. I swear very few people have it happen the way they ideally want it to, but it is what we have in the end that matters. Thank you so much, I just needed some reassurance 🙂