Post # 1
Quick Bio – my BF and I have been together for 5yrs he’s 30 I’m 26 we live in London which is stupid expensive. He got a flat last year and I still live at home with my mum. I have been weddiing obsessed on and off for about 18mnth -2yrs, he has always been adamant that we should live together first, me not so much, but he had my dads full support so I was ok with it. My best friend on the other hand does not believe in living together before marriage & I so get where she’s commign from, It’s not baout religion, but more about playing wife.
I am not financially ina position to live alone, I have been tmeping for the last few years and trying to pay off debts. i asked my dad if I could move in with him and my step mother almost 9mnths ago, it’s taken this long for them to sort out the house so I can join them. it’s a big move for me to the other side of London. i was dicussing with my BF about my nervousness re the move, i’m not good with change at the best of times. When he said ‘ you can move in here if you want’
So I am super excited it’s the step I really needed to feel like mey life is progressing, i feel a bit stagnant with things and it doesn’t help that my friends are starting their own businesses, getting married and having babies. Yes I know it’s not good to compare but I jaust cant help it!
So here I am about to be a grown up living with her BF, i ahve to tell my dad, which sucks because I know he’s gone to alot of trouble. i ahve to tell my best Friend who will no doubt remind me that I said I would not move in with my BF unless he knew he was wanted to marry me.
Gah! I’m sorry for the long post without actually having a question to answer but this all ahppened yesterday and I ahven’t told a soul, it’s just bubbling away in my belly and preventing me form doing anything productive at work.
Am I making a mistake? Should I wait untill he’s nearer to wanting to get married, i dont want to play wife for the next 10yrs, but I have no doubt that ther is no one else in the world for me and I bo he feels the same?
If you’ve made it to the bottom of this post, thank you, I think I just needed to share
Post # 4
I would have a serious talk before you move in, not just move in due to an offhand remark.
Talk to him about where the relationship is going and what moving in means – is it leading somewhere? Is there a timeline for moving forward? How will you handle finances/living expenses?
Post # 5
@LadyBear: Umm…I think I understand the situation. You have been living at home until now because of finances/employment issues. You have been with your BF for five years, but you are not 100% certain he wants to get married soon. You want to move out, but you cannot afford to live alone and you are unsure if living with your BF is a good choice.
If that is correct, then these are my thoughts:
1) You two need to have a very serious discussion about the status of your relationship and where it is headed. You have been together long enough and you are old enough for him to know if he wants to marry you. Then you should be able to make a decision about if/when engagement/marriage will happen.
2) If you two can commit to some sort of plan or timeline about engagement/marriage, then you should consider moving in. You are NOT playing wife if you are with someone in a meaningful relationship where both of you are contributing/benefiting from it. I get really tired of that perspective because it makes it sounds like the guy is the only one benefiting. I have lived with my FI for a number of years, even before being engaged. We were not/are not “playing” anything. We are adults who pay bills, respect each other and we are building lives together. You two can do the same thing.
3) If neither of the above work out, then reconsider your relationship and your life goals. Maybe it’s time to move on or start hitting the pavement and work on some serious career goals.
Not trying to sound harsh, just offering my honest opinion. Good luck!
Post # 6
Post # 7
I think we need a little more details – have you discussed marriage with your boyfriend? Do you know when he would like to get married? Why is living together before marriage so important for him? Why are you scared about “playing wife”?
Do you stay over at your boyfriend’s house a lot? For several days at a time? Do you run into any issues if you do this (i.e.: different levels of cleanliness, etc.)
I moved in with my boyfriend after less than a year of dating (he bought a house), and it has been wonderful. He is my other half and it is amazing being able to spend more time together. We never looked at it as a game – rather, a logical step in our relationship because we were spending so much time sleeping over at each other’s places anyways (mostly me at his).
Post # 8
thank u all 4 ure responses, they hve really helped and I ment no offense by my ‘playin wife’ comment. I want 4 us 2 build a life together, marriage is an important part of that 4 me, but that in no way diminishes all the other elements involved in a meaningful relationship, with or without a marriage licence.
We will be sitting down and having a seriou talkabout our future, and I ave a little time to prepare myself 4 it as I am not due to make the move till bank holiday weekend at the end of March.
Thank u all again
Post # 9
thanks again fro all of your support. We finally had a chat and i got what i needed from him. We wont be getting married any time soon so i will probably be MIA from wedding Bee for the forseeable future. i realise now that my wedding obsesion was for me a manisfiestation of insecurity.
Yes I do want to get married but when that happens I’m really not fussed, i just wanted to be reasured explicity by my BF that our relationship is forever. With or with out a licence that is what i have and I’m more blessed than words can say. in all likely hood when we get married it will be very small just the two of us and our parents.
I know it sounds stragne but whether we sign documents or anyone else is ther to witness it or not, what I really needed was to hear him say explicity where he sees me in his future. i dont need any more than that.
thank you agin for reflecting my crazy abck and me and giving me some perspective
god bless all your beautiful mariages