(Closed) Excited/nervous – first “pre-engagement” counseling tomorrow

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
27 posts

I for one think that this type of counselling is a brilliant idea.  I really like what you said about addressing any issues before the wedding is being planned and all that drama begins Smile

I know that there must be numerous counselors out there which provide such counseling,  depending on your area.  

There are a lot of issues that should be discussed prior to marriage, and a counselor can facilitate these discussions.  It also gives you the sense that you and you future Fiance are working toward something together; that you are investing financially in the relationship and taking a serious step.

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard Dave Ramsey (the financial guy w/radio shows and podcasts).  His show leans toward the religious right, which I am most definitely not part of.  However, I like 98 percent of his advice, which includes advocating pre-marital counselling (particularly to determine all the financial realities of marriage and how debt & income will be handled).  As you may know, finances are the leading cause of divorce. 

I will be interested to hear about your experience. 

Post # 4
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Kurzweil:  I think it’s a great idea!! And many many social workers actually provide counseling of all kinds – regular talk therapy, couples counseling, family counseling. In my experience, it was really show up and talk about what you want, and they just guide you to recognize your habits and come up with ideas of how be aware and work with those around you. Congrats!

Post # 5
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Kurzweil:  I think what you are doing is a great idea! There are so many bumps in the road and tough decisions that come up once you get engaged, start planning a wedding, etc. It’d be so nice (and smart!) to anticipate that you need to make sure you’re on the same page or at least understand where the other person is coming from to make it through it stronger and better than ever.

Good luck!

Post # 7
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Kurzweil:  How did it go?! 

Post # 9
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Kurzweil:  That’s fantastic! I really do think that you are doing the right thing with both the counselling and the financial course. I’m also really glad that the counsellor was so encouraging and exactly what you were looking for.

Please come back and let me know how the rest goes and if there are any particular tips/strategies that really stand out to you are different/important.


Post # 10
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s a great idea! I bet they just focus on communication and getting all the big topics out on the table. It’s really the best skill you can have for marriage! Wish more people did this!

Post # 11
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m so glad you had a good experience with your counselor! I graduated with my masters in counseling and educational psychology and just started my my internship as a marriage and family therapist, so I obviously think what you are doing is great. All counselors are different and not all are good, and it makes me sad when people have bad experiences and then swear off all counseling. An excellent relationship book for couples that my professors had us buy during my program is John Gottman’s, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. It’s a book for couples who are in all stages, just not those who “need” it. Good luck with everything; it sounds like you both have great potential for a super strong future! 

Post # 12
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Fabulous! This needs to be talked about and recommended more!

Post # 13
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We currently meet with a counselor. I can’t say she (or any counselor I’ve met) has an actual program for premarital counseling. Even though we told her our intentions to be engaged and marry in the near future, it’s been more about recognizing our patterns and working through those together.


I think you just more or less talk about any conerns you may have about your relationship or marriage in general and go from there.


Once officially engaged, I will be reading “How to Affair Proof Your Marriage”, which came highly suggested from a married co-worker years ago and then others have read “Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts”. I would search Amazon for workbooks if you want to go a little more in dept.


I love this idea, think everyone should do it becasue we all come with baggage and feel it speaks volumes about your maturity and commitment to your boyfriend and your future.



Post # 14
1106 posts
Bumble bee

THis is awesome! SO and I are both considering this, we just need to find someone in our area.  How did you find your counselor?

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