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I included my FSIL - my brother's fiance - in my wedding photos. I can't imagine not including her. At the time their wedding was 5 months away. I would also consider including his serious girlfriend but that might vary with the circumstances like you mentioned in your poll choices.
I'm so glad you can joke about being left out of the photos. That would probably really bother me.
I say, absolutely! Right after my husband and I got engaged, we went to visit my family. We were having pictures done, and one of my sisters mentioned that my husband shouldn't be included because "it (wasn't) official yet." It really hurt my feelings! I think that fiances should be considered family and included in all family activities/events, no matter how long they've been engaged.
this totally sounds like something my FI's family would do. They just aren't thoughtful people and don't have a strong sense of family and making people feel included. My family treats FI as a soon. Meanwhile FI's family is just thoughtless when it comes to family stuff. Right before we were engaged, FI's sister had a baby. So on one weekend the whole family was going to drive to SF were the sister lives. No one even thought to invite me or the other sibling's boyfriend of TEN YEARS. In my family it wouldn't even have been a question.
I think it's weird to not include you in any. I think I'd like one with just my immediate family and then of course some with my brother's girlfriend and my sister's soon to be husband. I'd want a mix of both, but I know these people will be family so I definitely want them included in family photos, but I also think my mom would like a photo with just her kids. I also think my fi should have photos with just his family no in laws, but then have photos that include in laws too (or future in laws).
If that makes sense?
@Newport Nuptials - That totally makes sense. I should have noted that I think doing some 'immediate family only' photos is totally normal and accepted. Heck, at my mom's wedding we did some of just us and our mom...and kicked out the groom! :)
I would want a mix of pictures both with and without you, if that makes sense.
I think you have a great attitude, I know others who would have been really upset about being left out. In my opinion, since *fiances* are basically just waiting for their turn to join the family, they should be in the pictures too. Like you said, you only would have been missing the cut by X number of weeks. Boyfriends and girlfriends though? I think they can stand to the side, as it might be a little weird for them to be in your pictures 20 years from now if they were just a passing relationship. Of course there's always exceptions!
We included my FSIL. They got engaged in March and our wedding was in May. I never even thought not to include her. I think its a "to each their own" scenario.
It would bother me, too, but it kind of depends. I think if it's bridal party only kinda stuff, then no, no big deal. But that's if family's not coming along (as was the case when my husdband's sister got married). For bp only, I only say thi i have a friend (she's engaged) and her fiance's sister got marrried. My friend was upset she didn't get to go in the limo, too (but she wouldn't even be in pics), but it was a "bridal party only" kind of thing, and if everyone else got to include a date/SO there wouldn't be room.
But i think to be left out of the all-inclkusive family portraits? Whoa. You're not family "yet" but you shoudl still be considered family. That woulda stung way too much in my book and I might've smacked my SO for saying that. That's not cool =(
We had some that were just me, hubs, his mom, his sister, and not her husband or child. The photographers try to get a mix of it all. But to exclude you in all of theM? all? Poopy
Unless there's a really twisted scenario behind the couple (like no one thinks they'll actually get married, or they've been engaged for 3 years and have no plans on setting a date) I think a FI should be included. If a spouse was included in the photos, it still doesn't gaurantee that that couple won't end up splitting. I just don't think you can make the cut off as whether or not you're officially married. (If you're engaged and actively planning, I think that's enough due diligence.
I put other--include them in some, not all. It's nice to have a mix, even if it doesn't make sense. But I agree that a future spouse should be in the pics.
I think you should have been included, especially with only 3 months to go! I think FI's should be included in at least some of the family photos unless it's something weird where the couple got engaged within a week of meeting and/or maybe if it's the family's first time meeting you.
I would even include BF's/GF's that had been together a really long time. For example, I have uncles on each side of my family that had both been dating women for 8-10 years before they ever got married. Sometimes people just become family after a certain amount of time even if they're not officially married.
hobochic.. what your FI said sounds exactly like something my guy would say.. typical guy eh! a little clueless sometimes haha
about this topic though: fiances should totally be included in family photos. the couple made the commitment to get married! if the relationship is clearly serious and long-lasting, they're family and should be included as such.
DH and I were engaged for 2 years (dated for 2 years before that). Every year, my family takes a Christmas picture. Year 1 he wasn't in it, Year 2 he was. It wasn't that they didn't think of him as family in year 1, it just didn't feel as official well over a year and a half from our wedding. And I wasn't in any of his family pics, either. So I think it's really up to the family.
I think I'd be offended if I weren't included in the family photos and I were engaged. I would def. understand if I was just a long term girlfriend, but I think engagement pretty much means family inclusion. I think it's fine if you're not in EVERY pic, but at least one? I think if this were my wedding and there were a fiance involved, we would have gotten 1-2 pics with that person included in the photos. You have a great attitude about it all :) your FI is a lucky guy! Then again, it looks like all the wives of the family noticed that you weren't included and thought it was strange as well, so it's not as if you were all alone in thinking it was kind of strange!
This happend to my fiance this past Christmas. We had our traditional famiy picture and Grandma said FAMILY ONLY! This was obviously to exclude my fiance (even though my cousin's fiance was in the picture when they were engaged). My fiance thinks it may have something to do with Grandma not being ready to have a black person in our family photos, but I really hope that's not what it is.
Call me crazy but I wouldn't want to be included in the professional family pictures. Mind you FI and I weren't engaged when FSIL was married, so I didn't mind not being invited when they had their pics taken. That being said, I still felt awkward when I was included in a family pic when FI's cousin was married (we were engaged then).
I think that fiances should definitely be included because they've already committed to being part of the family. Before engagement it might be awkward (my ex boyfriend was included in one of the family photos at my grandparents and it was just weird seeing it after we'd broken up) but once you're engaged, it seems like you should be considered family. But then I guess you have families like my mom's family where husbands and wives aren't REALLY family because they weren't blood relatives and children are only "half-blood" so I guess different families have different views.
Oh, and I do agree that it's okay to have some pictures with just siblings/whatever, but if it's a picture that includes spouses, your fiance should be included, too.
I would say that they should be included in some but not all, because of the "worst-case scenario." Wedding pictures are something that you show years later... imagine in 50 years, you're showing the pictures to your grandchildren: it feels very different to say "and that's Jane, your uncle John's ex-wife" than to say "that's Jane, she and uncle John were engaged but they called off the wedding."
Sorry to be all cynical, I try not to do that on Weddingbee, but you just never know what's going to happen, so I think that if it hasn't been made official the person shouldn't be in all the pictures.
I absolutely think an FI should be included in the big group family photos if other significant others are in the picture(s). Some people have long engagements; some get married within days of getting a ring. Some people are together for many years before getting engaged; some just a few months.
Same goes for long-time partners--if two people have been together for years, I think they should be seen as extended family. Some people cannot legally get married, and some people have no desire to but plan to be with their SO for a lifetime.
I will say I felt a little odd when I was prompted to get into extended family photos with my now-FIs family for his godson's christening. We had been together for two years at that point, but were not living together or engaged at that time. I thought, "I'm not part of the family, this feels wrong!" But now, I'm so glad they invited me in for pictures--they considered me an in-law before it was official!
I think like many others you should be included in the large group pictures but definately understand them having siblings & parents only pictures. But if they are going to put other husbands or wives of siblings in they have the same chance of that possibly being an ex-wife/husband years down the road. Hopefully not but just because you were 3 months out didn't make you any less committed to your FH.
the same thing happend to me, although not at a wedding. mr.thisismeTKE and i were at a gathering of his families. in a few shots of 'just the family' it was him and his sister and her baby, not me and his sister's FH. we both got the shaft from a few 'family' pics. i really don't care, the same thing happend at xmas at my mom's. my FH and my sister's FH were excluded from 'just family' pics. i guess i really don't mind. they are, afterall not part of the family yet.
At my Dad's wedding last year, we took one picture with me and my brother and one with us and Mr. Star.
My Mom's side of the family takes Christmas photos every year and she has been adamant that Mr. Star not be included until we are actually married -- even though we've been engaged for two Christmas pictures already.
Some people just want it to be official, I guess.
I think you should be! I know my family would include FI but FI's family just had a family pic and I was excluded because to the mother I'm not that type of "family" yet...we've been together 3.5 + years and were getting married in 6 months. But to each his own, I guess. I think to have a win-win situation, just do one with and one without. FI's not wanting to include some family members that are his family by marriage because they aren't "family" to him...
I think it all depends on the family... I might not be totally comfortable being in the wedding photos with all my my FI's close family, but I'm kind of a loner anyway (and my family style is very different than his). So I sort of get the response that you aren't family "yet", harsh as that may be.
Of course... this person will more than likely be family, and soon. I would much rather look through photos and see someone that was a part of our lves for (more than likely) a large portion of time than look through them thinking, "geez, I really wish that XX was in the photos."
My FBIL has had a girlfriend for almost 5 years. We're anticipating that some day he will propose and she'll get married. We plan on taking family photos including and exluding her.
I do think it's odd that you weren't included. You're engaged, so obviously going to be a permanent member of the family. All of our bridal party are just dating the person they're bringing, so they won't be included in the photos.
I attended FI's family reunion before we were engaged. It was a serious relationship then, but I remember his sister telling me to stay out of all the family photos because FIs younger brother had included a gf he thought he was going to marry in their photos once and it didn't work out between them. They said they thought it was a jinx and liked me too much to let that happen to me! I was more flattered than anything else :) If we did it all again now, I think I would still be nervous to be included in their photos before becoming "official" but I would definitely want to be invited!
Argh, this is causing some minor family drama for us now. When my sister and her husband got married, the mister and I were still just dating. (We got engaged later that month.) He was included in a TON of photos. Then, about two months ago at the mister's brother's wedding, I was included in two photos. Two.
So yes, I say definitely include someone who is a very serious BF or GF of a fiance!
When fiances sister got married I had been dating him for two years. She had a destination wedding I wasn't really invited to, but at the reception back home I was included in one family picture (they also took one without me). But looking back, I have never seen that picture and really doubt there are any copies of it. This DOES hurt my feelings a lot. I mean both her house and their parents house are covered in her wedding pictures and I've seen an album. Its like they did it to look good, but had no intention of ever getting prints of it. Well a lot of other crap happened that day that I wasn't too happy about (like getting asked to serve the dinner) so idk. It kind of sucks though because I am going to be her sil and I was a part of their family that day, but you wouldn't know that based on the "documentation".
This all hurt even more because my family photos always include my fiance.
So I think yes you should include fiances. Even if you take a picture also without them. But I think you should flippin display the one in which they were included and only replace it if they don't marry in.
My family started including Mr. Beagle in Christmas photos shortly after he met them. I think since we had been dating for a while (years) before he finally met them, they knew it was serious. I'm so greatful to have a family that's so thoughtful! :) I feel like I've been equally included in all of his family's photos too.
I think sometimes people just don't think to include the girlfriend or fiance. I don't think they do it to hurt anyone, but they may not know any better. It's probably a subject that should be brought up before the event.
If you were just dating no, but you are engaged. I am glad you had a good sense of humor about the situation, becuase I would have been pissed and most of all hurt.
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I have a great relationship with my FI's family, and was honored when his sister, moments after she was engaged in March of 2008, asked me to do a reading at her wedding. So, I think we all like each other just fine.
Right after the wedding, I met up with my FI's friends and their wives (FI was a groomsman) at the back of the church and chatted about the best route to use to get to the reception...and other 'important' stuff. As we made our way to leave the church, all of my FI's friends and their wives said 'oh Hobochic, you can't leave with us - you'll need to go with the bridal party for family photos'. While yes, I thought that I should have been included, I was sure that my FI's family never thought about it. Shortly thereafter, FI's friends and I all had a good laugh as his entire family drove away in limos and cars to take photos at the park...without me.
When FI arrived at the reception an hour later, his friends and their wives started in with the joking of 'oh, nice to leave your FI out of the photos!'. Of course, FI responded with 'why would she be in the pictures? She's not family.'...which I just chalk up to him simply being a guy. (We were 6 months into our 9 month engagement.)
Fast forward to this past weekend - my mother got married! FI was included in every family photo. At the end of the photo session he said 'er, yeah...I guess it was weird that you weren't in my sister's wedding photos. Sorry about that.' I mean, how strange would it be if my mom and new husband had a family wedding photo in their house for the rest of their lives that didn't include my husband because he missed the cut by 8 weeks?!?
So, we've been joking about this since June when it happened, but my question is do you think that you should/should not be included if you are engaged into the family...but not yet married? Clearly my vote (and now my FI's) is yes! (I of course joke that I'm now cutting his sister from all our photos! ;))