Post # 1
I have a great relationship with my FI’s family, and was honored when his sister, moments after she was engaged in March of 2008, asked me to do a reading at her wedding. So, I think we all like each other just fine.
Right after the wedding, I met up with my FI’s friends and their wives (FI was a groomsman) at the back of the church and chatted about the best route to use to get to the reception…and other ‘important’ stuff. As we made our way to leave the church, all of my FI’s friends and their wives said ‘oh Hobochic, you can’t leave with us – you’ll need to go with the bridal party for family photos’. While yes, I thought that I should have been included, I was sure that my FI’s family never thought about it. Shortly thereafter, FI’s friends and I all had a good laugh as his entire family drove away in limos and cars to take photos at the park…without me.
When FI arrived at the reception an hour later, his friends and their wives started in with the joking of ‘oh, nice to leave your FI out of the photos!’. Of course, FI responded with ‘why would she be in the pictures? She’s not family.’…which I just chalk up to him simply being a guy. (We were 6 months into our 9 month engagement.)
Fast forward to this past weekend – my mother got married! FI was included in every family photo. At the end of the photo session he said ‘er, yeah…I guess it was weird that you weren’t in my sister’s wedding photos. Sorry about that.’ I mean, how strange would it be if my mom and new husband had a family wedding photo in their house for the rest of their lives that didn’t include my husband because he missed the cut by 8 weeks?!?
So, we’ve been joking about this since June when it happened, but my question is do you think that you should/should not be included if you are engaged into the family…but not yet married? Clearly my vote (and now my FI’s) is yes! (I of course joke that I’m now cutting his sister from all our photos! ;))
Post # 3
I included my FSIL – my brother’s fiance – in my wedding photos. I can’t imagine not including her. At the time their wedding was 5 months away. I would also consider including his serious girlfriend but that might vary with the circumstances like you mentioned in your poll choices.
I’m so glad you can joke about being left out of the photos. That would probably really bother me.
Post # 4
I say, absolutely! Right after my husband and I got engaged, we went to visit my family. We were having pictures done, and one of my sisters mentioned that my husband shouldn’t be included because “it (wasn’t) official yet.” It really hurt my feelings! I think that fiances should be considered family and included in all family activities/events, no matter how long they’ve been engaged.
Post # 5
this totally sounds like something my FI’s family would do. They just aren’t thoughtful people and don’t have a strong sense of family and making people feel included. My family treats FI as a soon. Meanwhile FI’s family is just thoughtless when it comes to family stuff. Right before we were engaged, FI’s sister had a baby. So on one weekend the whole family was going to drive to SF were the sister lives. No one even thought to invite me or the other sibling’s boyfriend of TEN YEARS. In my family it wouldn’t even have been a question.
Post # 6
I think it’s weird to not include you in any. I think I’d like one with just my immediate family and then of course some with my brother’s girlfriend and my sister’s soon to be husband. I’d want a mix of both, but I know these people will be family so I definitely want them included in family photos, but I also think my mom would like a photo with just her kids. I also think my fi should have photos with just his family no in laws, but then have photos that include in laws too (or future in laws).
If that makes sense?
Post # 7
@Newport Nuptials – That totally makes sense. I should have noted that I think doing some ‘immediate family only’ photos is totally normal and accepted. Heck, at my mom’s wedding we did some of just us and our mom…and kicked out the groom! 🙂
Post # 8
I would want a mix of pictures both with and without you, if that makes sense.
Post # 9
I think you have a great attitude, I know others who would have been really upset about being left out. In my opinion, since *fiances* are basically just waiting for their turn to join the family, they should be in the pictures too. Like you said, you only would have been missing the cut by X number of weeks. Boyfriends and girlfriends though? I think they can stand to the side, as it might be a little weird for them to be in your pictures 20 years from now if they were just a passing relationship. Of course there’s always exceptions!
Post # 10
We included my FSIL. They got engaged in March and our wedding was in May. I never even thought not to include her. I think its a “to each their own” scenario.
Post # 11
It would bother me, too, but it kind of depends. I think if it’s bridal party only kinda stuff, then no, no big deal. But that’s if family’s not coming along (as was the case when my husdband’s sister got married). For bp only, I only say thi i have a friend (she’s engaged) and her fiance’s sister got marrried. My friend was upset she didn’t get to go in the limo, too (but she wouldn’t even be in pics), but it was a “bridal party only” kind of thing, and if everyone else got to include a date/SO there wouldn’t be room.
But i think to be left out of the all-inclkusive family portraits? Whoa. You’re not family “yet” but you shoudl still be considered family. That woulda stung way too much in my book and I might’ve smacked my SO for saying that. That’s not cool =(
We had some that were just me, hubs, his mom, his sister, and not her husband or child. The photographers try to get a mix of it all. But to exclude you in all of theM? all? Poopy
Post # 12
Unless there’s a really twisted scenario behind the couple (like no one thinks they’ll actually get married, or they’ve been engaged for 3 years and have no plans on setting a date) I think a FI should be included. If a spouse was included in the photos, it still doesn’t gaurantee that that couple won’t end up splitting. I just don’t think you can make the cut off as whether or not you’re officially married. (If you’re engaged and actively planning, I think that’s enough due diligence.
Post # 13
I put other–include them in some, not all. It’s nice to have a mix, even if it doesn’t make sense. But I agree that a future spouse should be in the pics.
Post # 14
I think you should have been included, especially with only 3 months to go! I think FI’s should be included in at least some of the family photos unless it’s something weird where the couple got engaged within a week of meeting and/or maybe if it’s the family’s first time meeting you.
I would even include BF’s/GF’s that had been together a really long time. For example, I have uncles on each side of my family that had both been dating women for 8-10 years before they ever got married. Sometimes people just become family after a certain amount of time even if they’re not officially married.
Post # 15
hobochic.. what your FI said sounds exactly like something my guy would say.. typical guy eh! a little clueless sometimes haha
about this topic though: fiances should totally be included in family photos. the couple made the commitment to get married! if the relationship is clearly serious and long-lasting, they’re family and should be included as such.
Post # 16
DH and I were engaged for 2 years (dated for 2 years before that). Every year, my family takes a Christmas picture. Year 1 he wasn’t in it, Year 2 he was. It wasn’t that they didn’t think of him as family in year 1, it just didn’t feel as official well over a year and a half from our wedding. And I wasn’t in any of his family pics, either. So I think it’s really up to the family.