(Closed) Excluding one of the groom's sister from the bridal party? Help!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you have to do all or none. Since you’ve already asked the two, I would just ask the third and suck it up. You don’t have to do much with her except have her attend the bachelorette/bridal shower, which she probably would anyway, and have her be in pictures. Of course, it’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want, but it’s going to create drama. What does your FI think you should do?

Post # 4
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Even though you don’t really like her, she’s always been nice to you in her own way, right?  I would say extend the invite.  It’s not worth fighting with a FSIL.  She’ll be in your life forever.  It’s not like a friend who might draft apart in a few years. 

Post # 5
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

well it is a little awkward that the 2 are included but not her. I think that you should include her, just give her a very gentle talk. 🙂

And if she really is that bad, explain to the other sisters and mothers how you feel so maybe they can keep and eye on her.

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If you didn’t want to include her I wouldn’t have included the others from the beginning. Did you really think they could be in it but she was left out? His family is going to be there so I think you would be making a statement that would start some whispering. 

 

Post # 7
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m not in agreement with the rule of thumb on here that seems to be include them all, the way we do it  where I am from is if the groom has more than one sister, it is acceptable for only one sister to be asked to be a bridesmaid. I prefer this as asking one to me is enough of a goodwill gesture from the bride to her future husband’s family. I plan on asking my fiancés niece as he has 2 sisters who are much much older than us.

Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2012

i dont thin you need to ask her for the simple reason … you dont want to. its you and your fiances day not everyone elses!

go with your instinct

Post # 9
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ask her to do a reading instead? 

Post # 10
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Denny15:  I would use the excuse of “since she lives so far away I don’t want to add the extra burden of BM duties on her because she has to travel so far for the wedding. I don’t think it’s fair and my decision is final. I don’t want her to go broke over our wedding”

Remind them that the duties of the BM include the shower and she would have to travel home twice for the wedding and with the prices of fuel going up it will be difficult.

Repeat ad naseum

Post # 11
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My fiances brothers girlfriend (thats a mouth full!) wanted to be a bridesmaid, but she is also a drama creator and attention hog. So I am thinking about asking her to be a in control of passing out the programs and welcoming guest when they arrive. That way she is still involved. Maybe you can do the same?

Post # 15
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Help! I don’t know what to do! I do not want to cave to what they want on my big day (that my family is paying for completely). They always get what they want. Shouldn’t this be my turn???

So, let me make sure I understand. Your way would be to hurt the feelings of someone who you admit has always been nice to you and has no idea you don’t like her, and alienate your future inlaws, whom with you say you have a great relationship. That doesn’t make any sense to me.

I have to say, at the risk of sounding judgmental, for a poster who says she doesn’t like the SIL because SIL brings the drama, you certainly sound like you have a hand in creating some drama of your own. You had to know asking 2 of the 3 sisters to participate while excluding the other would cause some issues. It would be different if you asked one out of three sisters, or two out of four. But asking all but one sends a pretty clear message- I don’t like you. Is that really how you want to start your married life?

I don’t see why SIL’s finances are a concern. If she can’t afford to attend, that’s on her. If your MIL wants to pay her way, that’s on MIL. I would cover and say, like another poster suggested, that you did not ask her because you assumed she wouldn’t be interested, but that you would love to have her. Then let her or MIL decide if it is even financially feasible for her to participate.

Your wedding is one day. Your relationship with your inlaws hopefully will last forever. This is not the hill I would want to die on, personally. By asking the two sisters I think you left yourself obligated to include the third, regardless of how you feel about her.

Post # 16
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I don’t care what other people think the “right” thing to do is, I’m going to do what I am comfortable doing and is going to make me happiest on MY day, just as I expect my FI sister to do on her big day. While my FI sister and I do get along, she is immature to the max and does extremely embarrassing things for attention; she thrives off attention! So instead I gave her another role in the wedding rather than a BM; she is an usher and walking my dog down the aisle. My FI didn’t even want her to do that because he knows that she is immature and unreliable, and he has never been that close to her. His mom spoke to us the night we asked her to be an usher/co-ring bearer and asked us to make her a BM as her feelings were hurt; Thank god my FI was there to stand up for our decision! His sister has come to terms with our decision and is actually being supportive and excited now, showing us that she is maturing finally!!! His brother is his BM, btw. So we did include one sibling more than the other.

In the end, it’s your day. Don’t make a decision because you are guilted into it, or because you feel like you HAVE to. Make decisions that you will be happy with. You don’t want to look back on your big day with regrets!!! And if these people do love you, they will get over it and be happy with any decision you make. My sister that I’m closest to was a little hurt that I didn’t make her my MOH, but after I explained that I wasn’t going to pick btwn sisters, and that’s why I made my BF my MOH, she is now soooooo supportive and understanding, and no longer hurt.

Good luck, I hope you figure it out and are happy!!! Smile

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