(Closed) Exes (LONG)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

First, congratulations to you for trying to be mature and clear headed about this. Me, not so much. I don’t think you’re unjustified in being uncomfortable. He admittedly longed to be with this woman for 7 years. In guy terms, that’s pretty darn close to forever with an extra ever.

Make sure your fiance is aware that your uncomfortable, but that you are trying to see if you can work through it.  That way, if you decide you are just not okay, you can bring it up and won’t have come out of nowhere. I think what helps in your situation is that you seem to have amazing communication.

Short Story – My FH’s best friend is a woman and they’ve been friends since before I was born, literally. They’ve been friends since they were 11 and I wasn’t born until 2 months after FH 17th birthday. I don’t care for her too much. I really don’t have a great reason. I just don’t like that she gets special time.  So my FH is sensitive to that and doesn’t really talk about her much around me.  But I can’t tell him who he can and can’t be friends with either, so we’ve worked it out the best way we know how.

Good Luck and *Hugs*!!

 

Post # 4
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So obviously I don’t know the whole story between him and you, but if she has a bf, I think it’s wierd for them to be hanging out alone. Why put yourself in a situation that is practically begging for something inappropriate…like rekindling feelings/crushes.

I can see how the death of a mutual friend would bring old friends close again and it’s great that he is being so open with you about what’s going on but I personally wouldn’t be a fan of it.

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

Does this girl have a BF?

I can see why you’re uncomfortable with the situation, but you need to remember that your SO loves you and wants to be with you. And if he says he only wants to be friends with this girl now, you should try to trust that he’s telling the truth 🙂 Maybe you would feel more comfortable with this friendship if you got to know her a bit better? If you don’t feel comfortable with them meeting up without you, then you have every right to tell your SO that.

Four years ago I had a massive crush on one of my BF’s friends (this was of course before we started dating, and BF and I were just aquaintances back then), which lasted for almost a year. I never dated this guy as he wasn’t interested, and it was horrible having to see him every week in classes (this was in university). The crush wore off eventually, as crushes tend to do, and the feelings for him were long gone by the time I started dating BF. I still see this guy once in a while at social events, and don’t feel anything. If this guy told me now that he wanted to date me, I seriously wouldn’t even consider it.

Post # 7
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

If you don’t want him to be friends with her I don’t think that is unreasonable given their history, regardless of whether or not she has a boyfriend. But, if you tell him he can be friends with her I don’t think you should put restrictions on the friendship. The whole “they can be friends but only via text and not in small groups” seems really complicated. Either let them be friends like he is with any other friend, or ask him to stay away. Just my opinion.

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