(Closed) Exhausted by all this waitng……

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

How long have ya’ll been divorced? And how long have you been dating?

I know that it took a bit for my SO to come around about his feelings for me, especially because his ex-wife left him and he had some healing to do before he felt like he could comfortably talk about a new future.

Post # 4
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

You do have some control.  Propose to him.

Post # 7
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@camauren: You need to have a long discussion about timelines, then. You guys need to come to an agreement, because being together for 3.5 years and being divorced for even longer is plenty of time. You need to have a frank discussion about your wants and needs.

But there’s also the possibility that he may not want to get married again. Some people just never get over the event, and it can poison future relationships.

Post # 8
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

3.5 years seems long enough to know, I’m sure it’s the jittery been divorced feelings holding him back.  And I agree, he may never be ready again.  All I can suggest is a conversation where you tell him that it’s not fair to you or the kids to keep dating without any idea where it is going.  If you truly think that it’s not going anywhere, maybe it’s time to start rocking the boat.  You say you are tired of not seeing friends/family on weekends, well, start making plans with them that your SO can join or not.

You might also considering moving closer to him so you don’t have the commute (but honestly, I don’t think a 35 minute commute is really bad at all.  Before my bf and I moved in together, we were 45 mins apart by T.  I’ve also lived in CA where everything is far apart.)  How old are the girls, how would they feel about being uprooted?  I’m less enthusiastic about this because if things between you work out it means 2 moves in the upcoming future.

ETA: I know you said you don’t want a proposal to happen by you proposing, but you also don’t like the current situation you’re in.  You may need to decide which is worse.  (That said, if he doesn’t want to get married, you proposing won’t change that.)

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