Post # 1
My husband comes from a close family (mom, dad and three sons) who like to celebrate all the holidays together, including birthdays. They have specific birthday traditions they like to do (or I should say his father likes to do and the sons go along with it). Whenever there is a birthday, the men get together in the morning for a birthday breakfast. The mother is not invited, since the father started the tradition and likes the idea of having alone time with his sons. None of DH’s brothers are married, so I’m the first daughter-in-law in the family. Later in the day, they all get together for a birthday dinner with cake (the mother is invited to this one) where they sing happy birthday and open presents.
Although I’m used to spending my birthdays with friends or my SO, I don’t mind doing the birthday dinner with his family. The one tradition I don’t like is the birthday breakfast. I don’t understand why it has to be a boys only breakfast thing. I’m his wife, so naturally I want to be with him on his birthday. I explained how I felt to DH, and he agreed with me. He told his father that this year he wants to have the whole family invited to birthday breakfast. His father seemed disappointed by that, and told him that he hoped it was a tradition they could continue until he had kids of his own.
I feel like when people get married they start new traditions. Is it wrong of me to not want him to have a boys only birthday breakfast?
Post # 3
I think it’s normal for parents to feel a little sad and disappointed when their kids get married and things change. It’s expected though.
Maybe your DH can suggest a new boys day tradition that doesn’t involve birthdays or holidays that you want to spend the day with him.
I do think it’s important to keep up some of your old traditions, but it’s also important to start new ones for your family too.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s big deal for him to spend a few hours having a boys only breakfast.Since you are included in other parts of his birthday. Perhaps let them have the early part of the day and reserve the rest of the day to have alone time with your husband. I just think everyone needs alone time with their family sometimes and in the grand scheme of things if it’s going to cause bad feelings and grudes I don’t see the need to stir the pot, given thath is Dad doens’t seem complete unreasonable as he knows the tradition can’t carry on forever.
Post # 5
That doesn’t sound bad to me, I think its perfectly reasonable to want time with your children without SO’s. I can also understand why you might not like it. I think it’s your SO’s decision ultimately.
Post # 6
@TwoCityBride: “I don’t think it’s big deal for him to spend a few hours having a boys only breakfast.Since you are included in other parts of his birthday.”
I agree. It isn’t like the FIL wants the entire day. A couple of hours of time with his sons isn’t asking too much, IMO. Even when kids grow up and become adults and marry, it is still nice to get individual time with just them.
Post # 7
@Bichon Frise: I think the dad should get a boys-only breakfast on HIS OWN birthday, since that’s his preference (and the other sons, since they don’t have partners), but your hubby should get to have you at his birthday breakfast. It should be that the birthday-boy gets to decide!
Post # 8
I don’t see anything wrong with you wanting to start a new b’day tradition for DH (especially since DH sounds like he’s on board) – but I can also understand why his dad would want a special morning with just his boys.
If the tradition does change – I’d encourage you to have DH take his dad out as a ‘thank you for raising me’ type b’fast (on a day other than his b’day) – maybe a new tradition can be birthed that is a special father/son only thing for them.
Post # 9
@vmec: @Mrs.KMM: I completely agree that it’s good for fathers to have alone time with their sons. I just don’t see why it has to be on my husband’s birthday.
Also, his family all live close to us, so it’s not like he doesn’t get to see them often.
Post # 10
@Bichon Frise: btw, I would be annoyed if I felt obligated to spend the entire day with DH’s family on his b’day … it’s not that I don’t like them, it’s just that I would want to celebrate with DH the way he would want to (and the day with his extended family is not how he would want to). In doubt, always refer back to what the b’day boy wants! 🙂
Post # 11
@whydoesithurt: I agree with this. My husband does want me there, so his father is the only one who is acting hurt. His attitude about it is making me question if we shouldn’t change the tradition, but like you said, he does get boys time on his own birthday.
Post # 12
Personally I would let it be. Its great that your family is close enough that DH and his dad want to spend time together, and I could see if you have kids, it would be amazing for them to become part of that tradition. What about letting DH go with Dad, while you go out with his Mom or other female relatives, and then everyone get together after breakfast. You and DH live together, I don’t think I would begrudge his Dad one breakfast a year with him.
Post # 13
@nikkialys: When I have kids, I’ll want to spend their birthday’s with them. I don’t see the need to exclude one parent and make it a gender specific event.
Also, it’s not one breakfast a year. They do this guys only breakfast on his brother’s birthdays and on his dad’s birthday. Plus, he sees his dad frequently throughout the year. As I said before, I don’t see why his father needs guys only time on his birthday.
Post # 14
I think that ultimately it’s up to you two as a couple. In some marriages, the husband might want that time with his dad & brothers, but if it’s like your situation, where the brothers just “go along with it” because it’s important to their father & your husband wants to bring you, that’s another story.
I see no harm with continuing the father-son breakfast, but ultimately it’s your DH’s birthday & he gets to decide.