(Closed) Expectations…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sorry, but I agree with your FI that if these people are spending the time and money to come to another part of the country for your wedding, the least you can do is host a meal for them. Your profile says your wedding is over a year away. Surely over the course of a year you can save up enough money to feed ten people.

If you want to elope just the two of you, do that. But if you’re inviting others I do think it’s polite to feed them. I know planning can be stressful, especially if your FI’s family is being difficult (believe me, I’ve been there), but it is your FI’s wedding too, and the minimal cost you would have to feed ten people (which again, you have a year to save up for) seems like it is more than worth having your FI also be happy with the wedding plans.

Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I traveled for a destination wedding, I’d probably be upset if you didn’t feed me. I think I’d feel hurt that you had the money to travel to the destination, pay for hotels, etc, but not the money to feed me and your nine other guests. However, with your guest list as small as it is, the people you’re inviting are those closest to you and will likely understand your situation. On the other hand, with your guest list as small as it is, could you take everybody out to a nice, inexpensive restaurant? If there’s only 10 guests, the costs should be low.

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You shouldn’t care about having the kind of wedding they want. However that being said I agree with your Fi, when having people travel for a destination wedding hosting a meal I think needs to be done. It doesn’t have to be a fancy sit down dinner. Perhaps you can find a supermarket and buy pasta salad, rolls, and cold cuts. For Ten people it shouldn’t be a lot of money.

 

Good luck with FFIL he sounds like a hot mess. I do think it’s important to stand up to him, and having your wedding where you want it is a good first step.

Post # 6
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

@BudgetBride2013:  a formal sit down dinner doesnt have to be pricey.  Surely if your inviting 10 people you could find a good a nice restaurant with a small private space for you that wont cost several thousand dollars.

Post # 7
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

do you have big drinkers in your crew? if so, i think the honky tonk bar tab could easily outpace a sit down dinner, so maybe host the dinner (with cash bar) and then say “come on out with us!” and just let people pay on their own. if they understand your situation then they should be cool footing their own bar tabs…

Post # 8
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

i kind of agree with your FI’s concerns, i’d be upset if i came a long way for my kids wedding and had to go out and have dinner by myself somewhere else after

a sit down dinner doesent have to be expensive though, see if you can set up tables outside somewhere find a reasonably priced caterer, you don’t have to offer lobster and filet mignon and provide your own alcohol?

Post # 10
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Hmmm, after reading your OP and those that responded thereafter, I can see both sides.  My .02 is that you should be able to get ALL that you want, without meeting expectations of everyone else – with compromise.

I agree with what others said, that if you are making people spend a lot of time/money to travel to your wedding, then the least you can do is feed them – more than just cake.  It does not need to be a plated dinner, but definitely heavy appetizers, etc. 

If that is not something you want, then I would keep your wedding celebration in town with a small ceremony, followed by cake/champagne, etc.  Then, plan a getaway for just you two, or those closest to you, whom are a-ok AND supportive with a celebration at a honky tonk bar!!  A ‘different’ approach to the expectations, but fun nonetheless!!

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@BudgetBride2013:  OR, is the whole issue that we should sit down and have a formal meal, all together? 

I do think that is the whole issue. It’s more about the gesture of having everyone together for a meal you’re hosting.From your description fo what you want, it sounds like you want an elopement, not a destination wedding. I don’t really think you can ask people to come so far and then not want to spend any time with them because you don’t even really want them there…does that make sense? Where does your FI stand on all this? (we know he thinks you should feed them, but I mean about elopment vs. destination wedding)

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