- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
My Fiance and I suspected we would be paying for our wedding in full, but I had thought/hoped that once planning got underway, our parents would be interested in the financial details and would be contributing $ to the wedding costs to the extent possible (I’m not even thinking “big” contributions). Weddings are expensive. Even the “cheap” ones are expensive. We have kept our guest list small (under 100) and generally have sought the best deal going for our vendors, etc. We did choose a very nice venue, but it is “average” priced for weddings – however everything all together is still very expensive with all of the grand totals involved. We are starting to eat into our savings and wedding payments seem nonstop. In any event, I am starting to feel resentful at everyone’s ability to skate around the $ issue and pretend it doesn’t exist. Frankly, I feel like I want to spell out the costs involved so they “get it” although I feel like it would just be ignored. But then I feel guilty for “expecting” others to contribute to our wedding and to be fair, we did have a good sense of the grand total during the super excitment of planning soon after our engagement. My concern is that we appear to do well based on our jobs, but we work pay check to pay check just like the next person and this is a big $ undertaking for us. While neither of our parents are wealthy, a reasonable contribution should not be a problem at this stage of thier lives for such a special and signficant event. Both of our parents are generally “frugal” people who likely think the wedding is lavish by thier standards, although it is very much average by common wedding standards. My Fiance was against us asking our parents early on what their contribution to the wedding would be.
On top of this there have been various issues. My FI’s mother has made a number of unwelcome wedding related comments, from criticism of the invites to asking if they need to attend rehersal social activities (they’re retired with free time – and have not volunteered to pay for the rehersal social activiites we have planned due to their silence on the topic). They also try to pressure us to add extra “plus ones” for some of their family member’s casual dates that we have never met or heard of (at our expense of course) – we put a stop to that. Although there was some type of vague discussion about their contribution to the “bar” component of some of their side of the family. But the offer was vague and I actually have no idea what the offer actually was – they seemed to be poking around at the edges. We were asked to give them the “break down” of the per head cost (ie. bar, meal, etc.) I presume for this calculation. I find it all baffling – why not just say you want to contribute $x?
My Maid/Matron of Honor also seems to be asleep at the wheel. She has not discussed a bachelorette party or bridal shower and my mom has basically had to get the ball rolling on the shower, although my Maid/Matron of Honor seems largely unresponsive. The wedding is only a few months away.
So I guess my basic comment/question is has anyone had to deal with disappointment in terms of other people’s response (or lack of) with regards to generally understood duties and obligations of each of their roles for weddings? Any tips? I’m frustrated because we are spending so much of our time and money for this special day and I’m feeling everything from disrespected with the unwelcome comments to these close people in our lives just not “getting it” – which baffles me when it’s going on all around everyone and they are all in the loop on wedding updates. I’m also becoming cranky with the stress (combined with other everyday stress such as work, health issues, etc.).