Post # 1
So, I’m honestly a little nonplussed by the expectations of many that their families be super excited/involved/preoccupied with the wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s wonderful that people have families that are excited for them, but is this normal, or are people overestimating how much it really matters to their loved ones?
I have no illusions about my family’s attitude toward my wedding. At best, some will be excited for us and happy to enjoy some drinks and tasty food. Others will be dreading sending in the RSVP wondering if they really have to go. It’s just not been my experience that people really like/get enthused about weddings all that much. It’s a social obligation, and often an expensive one when it comes to traveling, giving gifts, etc.
Some have even expressed dismay that others will be sharing their wedding YEAR. Are there really families where people will honestly have someone’s wedding on their radar for an entire year, or is this an example of excited brides projecting their feelings on to everyone else and expecting them to feel the same way?
For me it will really be just a day, with maybe some of my close friends and family thinking about it more who will be directly helping with putting the wedding together. There was no big to-do about the engagement, and whether or not I will have any sort of bachelorette or shower is still really up in the air. I’m not hurt in the slightest by this. The wedding might be one of the more important things on my radar right now, but for others it’s just really not a big deal.
What’s your take on this matter?
Post # 3
I think too many brides forget that NO ONE is as excited for your wedding as you, NO ONE. And also too many try to milk the whole experience for all the attention they get and forget about what is most important in the whole process….preparing for the marriage.
Post # 4
I could care less unless it was one of my good friends and then I would be systematically excited/proactive with their planning but I wouldn’t make it my life.
The girls that complain on these boards, however, might have a built in media-bias that their wedding is supposed to follow like the movies do….which they most certainly do NOT. There is blood, sweat and tears and if your friends have any manners, they will sit there and smile while you drone on and on (and on) about your linen colors. But many do not, and it is certainly not appropriate (or good for the relationship) to brow beat them into wedding submission.
But I can certainly understand if one never gets any attention and still isn’t getting any attention during the happy planning, that this can be a grave disappointment.
Post # 5
I always enjoy weddings but if I’m not super close with the person it’s definitely more of an expensive social obligation. What some people forget in the midst of their planning and obsession with their own wedding, is that no one will be as excited about their wedding as they are. Somehow they forget how they really felt towards weddings before they were engaged – which is probably that eh it’s fun but i could take it or leave it and which is what their family/friends will likely feel towards their wedding.
I don’t know what it is aboou weddings, but it seems to turn people into attention-seeking, self-asborbed narcissists who expect everyone to drop their own lives to accommodate the bride for a year.
Post # 6
I was disappointed about my family’s reaction, tbh. FI’s family was super excited (still is), lots of hugs and yelling and “We’re so glad you’re going to be a part of our family!” My grandparents were excited, but the rest of my family was like, “Oh…congrats.” I mean, it’s something you get excited about, imo. I didn’t expect like…a parade or anything, but something more than what we got would have been nice. They like my FI a lot, too. Ours friends and people I don’t really speak to that much (like Facebook friends from high school or whatever) were more excited than my family.
Post # 7
Haha, when my FI announced our engagement, everyone looked around the table awkwardly and no one said “congratulations”. Haha. I’m glad I can laugh it off at this point; I realize my wedding will probably have to involve a considerable amount of introducing people as gently and non-awkwardly as possible.
Post # 8
@vorpalette: Same here. I even have the feeling that my mom thinks it’s an inconvenience.
I’m lucky because alot of my friends are also planning their weddings so if they want to talk aboyt theurs I get to talk about mine!
Post # 9
@hyperJulie: “So, I’m honestly a little nonplussed by the expectations of many that their families be super excited/involved/preoccupied with the wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s wonderful that people have families that are excited for them, but is this normal, or are people overestimating how much it really matters to their loved ones?”
I made the mistake of overestimating how much my family would care. They did not see me get married the first time (11 years ago). Then me being a different person the second time I found love, I kind of thought everything would be different. I wanted to have immediate family around us. However, I was the one that changed, not them, so they did not see me get married again. That’s OK, I’m getting better with it. Zero expectations would have been best!
Post # 10
I don’t think that I overestimated my family’s reactions but I was disappointed in the way they did react. I thought I would at least get a “congratulations” or “I’m happy for you” instead my grandparents got pissed, my mom doesn’t like FH so she tried to keep it a big secret and she told me that she hoped and prayed that I’d find someone else. It was a very awful experience and I felt like I couldn’t enjoy my engagement because of the way my family had been.
Luckily, FH’s family was very excited and supportive, so I did get that. And my mom has started to come around a bit as well.
I think that a lot of brides think that their engagements will be like the movies and EVERYONE will be so thrilled and make their wedding the center of their lives, but that’s not how it is. I don’t expect any of my friends to talk about my wedding 24/7 because I don’t want to talk about my wedding 24/7. I think there are some moments when you expect some joy from family and friends but everyone needs to know that no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you are.
Post # 11
Most of the reactions we got were pretty subdued. Maybe i overreact when i find out about babies and engagements because i get all excited and start hugging people. But we didnt really get alot of that. Our favourite reactions came from our drunk neighbours lol they were so excited and still are!!
Honestly i’m really looking forward to our big day, but i’m also really looking forward to when its over and we can get back to our normal lives. Its like everything is surrounding this one day down the road and once its over we can get back to our life. So as much as i know people will be happy to come celebrate with us, i know that i will remember alot more specifics of our day then they will.