(Closed) Expensive taste vs. um, not expensive taste – is it budget or something else?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

eek!  It sounds like your partner is definitely feeling stressed right now, and I’m sorry he seems to be taking it out on you!  

Maybe it makes sense to reevaluate your bottom-line budget (once you’ve both taken a breather, and independent of the individual things), and then only look at the individual things one at a time.  Even though we stuck to our budget, the bottom-line of our wedding still kind of takes us both by surprise.  That said if a photographer you like is $x, and it fits with your total budget, don’t focus on how photographer + caterer + officiant + rental fees + attire = $Z, because Z.

I am guessing that the “pretentious” part of this bothers you more, but he may just be reacting badly because of the budget.  And yes, I think we all want to feel like our weddings are unique (I was gripped with the “but my wedding is just a wedding.  no one will think it’s special”).

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry! I agree with Erin, it might just be stress. *Hugs*. And yes. We all deserve a special and unique wedding.

Post # 6
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Your FI sounds like mine, he wants to go to the courthouse and have it over with. He didn’t realise how much little things add up. He thought we could get a photographer for like $200USD lol.

I managed to get around the budget issue by just buying most of things I wanted before he took over the budget. So now all that’s left are the things he cares about like the hotel and alcohol and suit hehe.

In regards to him blowing up at you I agree he’s probably stressed, you guys have made a lot of changes to your plans recently so maybe that is taking a toll too.Boys just aren’t equipped to deal with wedding planning hehe.

 

Post # 7
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

hahaahah i just had this argument with my parents who are footing the bill for the entire wedding.  they gave me a budget, so i worked it out within the budget.  they saw my vendors/choices and flipped! they said that just because they gave me that number didn’t mean i had to spend it all!

i was like wtf parents! if you wanted me to spend less, you should have given me a smaller budget.  helllllooo?  i mean im super thankful theyre doing it, but like you i thought that was the whole point of a budget. to BUDGET your money.

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think the sticker shock effects people in different ways. We decided on a 30k budget, and everything was fine…until one day I was crunching the numbers for specific items and I fell into deep depression. I was sick for about two weeks about the amount I would be spending on a single day. I think your FI will get over it. It was a shock to me what certain items cost and I am sure he is just not dealing with the stress of wedding planning as well as you are.

I would suggest asking him to be more involved. Maybe he feels left out of all of the decision making.

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

although i can totally understand his shock at the meal prices – we had a catered post wedding party last week for 150 people that had me going “what the!” when looking the quantity of food on the plate for the price but im more worried about how he communicates this with you. 

shouting down at someone is not healthy and unfair to you. due to his smaller town upbringing, maybe savings is a very important safety net for him but he needs to learn to communicate better with you than pumping out his chest and yelling at you

goodluck and hugs

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ahhh hes a kiwi….. yeah, aussie & kiwi men seem to commicate a bit differently at times. if you dont hear me the first time let me say it LOUDER is my brothers way and im always on his back about being a nicer quiter guy

maybe he is super concerned about the future and providing – wanting to put the money into something that he can see appreciating in value, ie a house or pension fund.  yes your wedding is important but most guys really dont get it, they just want to be told when to show up and what to wear and not go broke in the process. 

oh, my hubby, then FI was shocked by my budget for flowers when we thought we would have a big wedding – he really truely thought i would pop up to Coles and pick up $20 worth of flowers and throw them into a boquet on the day

i do think you need to pull him up if he gets a bit loud and in your face but otherwise sit him down and give him some comparrisions (ie, show him stuff that much much more expensive) so you can see you are making wise choices and not just wasting money

 

 

Post # 15
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My father in law wrote a check for his daughter’s wedding because he really truly did not want to know what each individual item cost.  Each item is so much more expensive because it is associated with the wedding industry, and it is hard for people to get their heads around that.  Can you and your FI work out a general budget, and you get to choose the items you care most about without him getting too involved?

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