Post # 1
I know when we get engaged and married to the love of our life, we plan for it to be for the rest of our lives. No one knows the future and does not expect divorce.
I have a cousin who was with her boyfriend for 3 years, were engaged for 1 year, then got married. She had a very expensive wedding, in the 80k range. I feel like to each their own when it comes to budgets for weddings. What I cannot stomach is the fact that they were divorced in 10 months. To spend (more like borrow) that much money to not be with someone in less than a year. I feel bad for her because even though she would have been in debt while still married, it would have been worth it because of her marriage. The fact is she is no longer married, and the lenders want their money back. They do not care if the marriage failed, it has to be paid back. In her words, the whole experience was a waste of life and she wish she could go back and change everything.
Whether you have the money, parents are paying, or taking out loans. If you spent a ton of money for the wedding and had a short lived marriage, how do you think you would honestly feel?
Post # 2
Of course you would feel terrible. I think that’s a given. Not only are you getting divorced but you still have buckets of debt.
Most relationships don’t go from Bliss to Divorce in 10 months. Did she not have any concerns about her relationship before she got married?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
Honestly, I would feel heartbroken over the divorce and that would be at the forefront of my mind. I am not the type of person that went into debt over a wedding, so I cannot attest to that – but if I were in her situation that would definitely add salt to the wound.
It doesn’t matter how much someone spends on a wedding, it is the marriage the the relationship that matters. It sounds like maybe your cousin was one of the people that got so wrapped up and carried away by planning her wedding she forgot to focus on her relationship? 80k is a ridiculous amount for a wedding when she is borrowing the majority of the money. I can imagine this would put added stress into their marriage as well.
Anyways, to answer your question – regardless of who paid for my wedding or how much it cost – if my marriage is short (I’m a newlywed, 2 weeks! yay), I will be absolutely heartbroken. A short marriage would mean something went completely awry in our relationship, and I would be devastated to loose the love of my life. My focus would not be on my wedding.
Post # 4
julies1949: I second that….
a wedding isnt about glitz and glamour and having the best of everything… it is about marrying the man of your dreams… people who have “show-y” events and then file for divorce less than a year later – well i highly doubt they truly loved eachother right from the start
Post # 5
My wedding cost about that and while I wouldn’t want to get divorced I doubt I would be thinking about how much was spent on the party (wedding reception). That would be the LAST thing on my mind. I’m sure she is going through a lot and we don’t know what’s really going on.
Post # 6
atoney86: That is the risk of financing a wedding. I don’t think most levelheaded people would do something like that (finance $80k for a wedding?!)… However, they chose to do so and need to deal with it now. I wouldn’t feel bad.
Post # 7
It sucks that they got divorced. I had a cousin in a similar situation, except they had a cheap wedding! But I do think you need to spend within your means for a wedding, whatever that means. You shouldn’t take out buckets of debt for an 80k wedding, have a less extravagant affair. Reasonable budget means different things and some people have 80k to spend. But if you don’t have it, don’t spend it
Post # 9
Makemeamrs: In most cases of divorce less than a year after a showy wedding, I don’t think it’s fair to doubt whether the couple “truly loved eachother right from the start.” You can truly love someone, but not be truly compatible, and grow apart, and fall put of love. There are people who want the big wedding more than the marriage, and/or who lose sight of the importance of maintaining their relationship while planning it, but I don’t think that means they didn’t “truly love” eachother at one point. But then again, I don’t believe people only have one true love, AKA one possible romantic partner in the entire world capable of making them happy for the rest of their lives.
If I got divorced, I’d be devastated, period. If it was so soon after my wedding (which will be big and showy), even more so. If we had gone into debt for it, even more than that. But I’m lucky that our parents helped us afford our big showy wedding, and if they hadn’t been able to, I’m not a girl who had always dreamed of a big showy wedding. But I’m not going to judge a couple because they wanted a wedding they couldn’t afford, and got divorced shortly afterwards. I just feel sorry for them.