Post # 1
I have a weird situation. Somehow in our 4 year relationship, I ended up with 5 or 6 of my high school boyfriend’s baby pictures. There are some of him and his grandmother (now deceased), some of him as a baby and some of him and his siblings as kids. These are all pre-digital so it’s likely they are the only copies.
I come across them every few years and feel bad just throwing them out. I’m now moving in with my SO and totally clearing out my room at my parents’ house because my sister’s family is moving in, so I won’t be storing things there anymore. I feel weird keeping the pictures. I feel bad throwing them away.
But here’s the thing… I’m 34. We broke up almost 18 years ago! His wife myspace-stalked me a few years back, just wanting to see more about the girl that came before her I guess. We are not in contact but obviously I could easily look them up on Facebook.
So… do I contact him and/or his wife and offer to send them? Do I just toss them? Do I bury them in some sort of ritualistic ceremony? What the hell do I do with them???
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MexiPino: I would send a short message through Facebook letting the wife know you found some baby pictures and want to know if they want you to mail the pcitures to them. A short message implies you aren’t trying to hook back up, you just want to make a business-type transaction (i.e. get these photos off your hands.) I would feel bad about destroying old photos that are likely irresplaceable but I also wouldn’t want them to think you are trying to rekindle anything.
Post # 4
i think in this case since there are pics of him with his late grandma, i would contact him and ask him if he wants them. they might have some sentimental value.
Post # 5
I’m the type of person that cherishes photos, no matter what. I’ve returned photos to my xDh of him and the kids together, pictures of his family, him when he was a child. I say return them. Pictures are a part of a persons past. I think it would be kinda rude to trash them. They were his, give them back. Mail them if you have to.
Post # 6
@MexiPino: yes definitely send them to him!
Post # 7
I think a quick note to either of them would be perfectly fine – I think given that these are not copies of digital photos that it would be very kind of you to make sure he gets them back if he wants them.
Post # 8
@MexiPino: Mail them back to his parents. I woudn’t toss them.
Post # 9
@MexiPino: If he wanted them or missed them, he would have asked you. I’d file them under G for garbage. You’ve both moved on with your lives and like you said…it’s been 18 years. That was sufficient time to ask.
I always try to think how my FI would feel if I did x, y, or z. He wouldn’t like me reaching out to my ex for any reason (unless he owed me millions of dollars we could use) and so I would put that sentiment first and stick with the G file.
ETA: essentially they’ve been in the garbage all this time anyway because you’ve had them, not him.
Post # 10
If you have his or his parents address, I would mail them to him with a note saying that you found them while getting ready to move and wanted to return them. Otherwise contact him and ask for his address to send them along.
Post # 11
i wouldnt contact him IMO, yes pictures are important but 18 years?and he has a crazy wife? she might use that as some sort of ammunition. yeah he may appreciate it but to me it sounds like you held on to them. if an ex from high school tried to contact me id be a little weirded out. but thats just me. i voted to toss them.
Post # 13
Do you know any of his family members, or are you able to get in contact with them somehow? That may be a good way to get them back in the right hands without opening a can of worms with the ex or his wife.
For those saying it’s already garbage: Maybe his family’s been looking for those pictures for years. I know my family has many pictures that we just can’t track down. If they ask why you still have them, you can just say it’s been at the bottom of a box all these years, and you found them while cleaning.
Post # 14
@MexiPino: Do you have his parent’s address? I’d send them there!
Post # 16
@MexiPino: I would contact him directly versus his wife or parents. I’d find him on Facebook and say something along the lines of,
I hope you and your family are doing well. I am in the process of moving and wound up coming across some old pictures of you that I thought you may want to have. Do you have an address you would like me to mail them to?”
Short, sweet, to the point. I don’t think there’s a need to overthink an adult conversation. 🙂 You’ve both moved on, that’s pretty obvious. I doubt he’d think it was anything but exactly what you are sending the message about.
I actually think it’d be rude to toss them. Even though he hasn’t asked for the pictures, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want them. Maybe he thinks they were lost and never to be seen again? I would want one of my exes to let me know if they found sentimental photos of mine.