Post # 1
So my BF (I still call him BF, FI just sounds weird) and I, are having a pretty small backyard wedding/reception. By small, I mean around 120 people. We (I) pretty much have our guest list narrowed down to immediate family, close friends of ours and a couple of extended family members of his.
His grandmother and mother have asked me who, from their extended family (grandmother’s nieces or whatever) we will be inviting. Of course to their surprise, we are not inviting many of their extended family that comes to Christmas or SOME other big days. Why are we not inviting them? He doesn’t really like them, and quite frankly, I don’t really know them. So yesterday Grams asked me if we were still having my bridal shower at her house, and when I let her know that we are, she informed me that she would like to invite the above mentioned extended family members, who I don’t know and honestly would never have invited to it.
I texted my BF to let him know about this, and he pretty much said to just go with it because she would not back off of it. And of course, I feel like I can’t tell her NOT to invite them, simply because it is going to be at her house. Of course both she and his mother threw in the fact that they give great gifts, as if to pursuay me. Gifts don’t make a difference to me. I don’t even want to register for gifts.
So anyhow, my question is, do I just go with the evident flow and let her invite them to the bridal shower? Keeping in mind that I really have no intention of inviting them to the wedding, and she knows that, so that makes it even more uncomfortable. Or do I put my foot down, as everyone has been telling me, "you’re the bride, you do whatever you want"?
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Post # 3
Uhhmmm…I had a similar problem very recently regarding my shower. My mother insisted on inviting a few people that I did not plan on inviting to the wedding and who did not receive Save the Date cards (they were sent out early b/c our wedding is a week before Christmas).
Anyway, it was only a few people…and I ended up giving in. Problem:they did not show up and now I feel like I have to invite them to the wedding anyway!!! HELLO! Even just inviting people to a wedding costs money (Invitation and stamps!)
We expect about 200 people and my FI are paying for a vast majority of the wedding ourselves, plus we just don’t want people there that we don’t know very well.
Sooo, my advice is to stick to your guns. DO NOT let his grandmother invite these people!!! Both you and your FI should explain to her that you think its tacky to invite someone to a shower without inviting them to the wedding. And, at this point your wedding list is final and you’d like to keep the day as intimate and small as possible. The fact that they might bring great gifts is totally besides the point.
Post # 4
Hmm, I hadn’t even thought of them not showing up and ending up stuck inviting them to the wedding. We too are paying for most everything. Granted our friends and family have stepped up and offered to help with anything they can. I think that is why I didn’t want help from certain people from the beginning. Then I feel obligted to them in some way.
I guess I will have to have a talk with him. I just hope we don’t start some kind of drama with his Gma and Mother. I would hate for that to happen. But I also feel I should not be forced to invite people who I don’t want to invite.
I just feel that a bridal shower and our wedding should be an intimate thing with close friends and family who we really love. Ya know?
Post # 5
I too had a very similar situation. My FI’s family originally wanted to invite all of their extended family to the wedding and we politely told them that we would not be able to do that. We told them that we would only be inviting immediate family, aunts/uncles, 1st cousins, and close friends. They didn’t understand at first, but it was realized that we were paying for the wedding so they couldn’t say much. Then my FMIL said she wanted to have a shower in my FI’s hometown. I knew she was thinking of inviting some folks that would not be invited to the wedding and I told her point blank that you are not supposed to invite people to showers unless they get invited to the wedding and because we can’t invite them, it would make me uncomfortable to have them at the shower. You just need to be up front an honest.