(Closed) extended family, do i really need to invite them all??

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

My husband has a HUGE extended Italian family, we didn’t invite any of them.

We had 125 people.

Post # 6
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

No, you don’t have to invite everyone but you do have to set clear boundaries for invites. If one aunt/uncle is invited, then all should be…regardless of how close you are. This is just to avoid hurt feelings. There’s no problem with not inviting extended family, but just make sure not to treat your family unfairly. 

Post # 5
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

We struggled with this too. I wanted a wedding of 60 maximum… And that’s how many cousins I have, let alone friends etc. So we cut cousins. We included aunties and uncles (at our parents request) and a handful of friends each. Of all our families only one antie (and her four kids) had an issue… And I’m not super fussed, she’s a crazy person anyway.

I think you need to draw a line somewhere. It is YOUR day. YOU are paying. Make it fair, but don’t get bullied into sacrificing the intimate wedding you wanted just so 100 people who don’t really care that much can all come and eat your food and get drunk.

Post # 7
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

I`ll invite people who are really important to you and your fiance. After all you are the ones who are paying for the whole thing so it is only fair that you are surrounded with people who are of importance to you and your relationship. 

I do not agree with the statement, ‘ I invited them cause I had too’, its my wedding day I invite who I want to be there

Post # 8
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If you want 100 people, you can divide the guest list in half, or say 25 your family, 25 his family, 25 your friends, 25 his friends (second way is better, esp. since you’ll be paying for it.)

Be firm with the family up front- “25 people can be invited, and we’re NOT over-inviting. If we have regrets, we can fill them in with a B-list.” This worked really well for me with FMIL, whose initial list had 40+ people. (Although when we send invites out next month, I think she’s going to push that 3 aunts “won’t come but NEED an invite.”)

Send out save the dates- you may get enough regret responses from them that you can fill in with other people.

Also- you can do an informal reception a few months later in FI’s hometown. Doing this may actually cut back on RSVPs anyway- a friend from Michigan got married in Maryland, and only 1/4 of her family (if that) made the trip to MD, since they knew about the MI reception.

I’m only inviting one of out twelve cousins. I’ve only seen one of them in 5 years, so I disagree with the “you have to invite all of your aunts/uncles or cousins.” If a relationship isn’t there, why should they be at your wedding?

Post # 9
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Of course not!!!!!!! I have a huge family (my greatgrandmother had 9 children and each of them had 3/4 an so on..) and a loving one as well but i’ve always known i could not invite them all (well, if i did win the lottery..)..so it was hard, yes..harder was not inviting any friend..any. :-(..we decided for a small wedding just the close family, the ones we count on birthday parties, Xmas and Easter..the ones we can really, really rely on. In the end it was easy because with this criteria, the list was already done..

Post # 11
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

No you do not have to fund the next family reunion for your wedding.  Your intimate wedding sounds best.  I’d come up with a cut off (like no aunts, uncles, cousins) or whatever to be consistent.

 

Post # 13
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

@kimchippie:  my boyfriend`s family is also close. Altough we are not engaged yet I already sort of told his mum that unless they are willing to pay part of the expenses we are going to invite only those who are close to us as a couple. we are bought fairly young and to be honest we prefer spending our little fortune on our house then so they can have a family event with flowing food and drinks

Post # 14
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

* both fairly youg sorry !

 

Post # 15
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If you send save the dates, you need to send those people an invite. 

Have you two sat down and figured out your budget/gotten ideas of costs yet? That can make a big difference in your guest list #s. If you tell FI’s family they get 25 invites, and she says “no, we need 40,” you can tell her “if you pay for the extra 15, they can come.”

The topic ‘extended family, do i really need to invite them all??’ is closed to new replies.

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