Post # 1
SO! To start my rant off… I should probably let you know a little background on the whole situation.
Two months ago my Fiance got into a pretty serious motorcycle accident and broke both bones in his left leg along with shattering his knee. He hasn’t walked since (without the help of crutches) and went through pretty extensive surgery. Needless to say, he has not worked since the accident either seeing as to how he has a career in the construction field… not easy to do with just one leg! Lol. It’s his fathers company in which he works for, and since they were short a man, Fiance’s younger (20 yr old) brother stepped in for the time being until he can get back to work in January/February or so. Mind you, we are not receiving any sort of compensation until he gets back to work … no short term, unemployment, nothing.
Last night, Fiance’s brother is complaining about how he doesn’t have a car radio yadda yadda… things I could care less about but Fiance is really into cars and all the gadgets involved with them. After a bit of a conversation with him, he asks if my Fiance can “spot him 50$ to get a cd player” …… OH! I think it takes quite a set of (excuse my term) BALLS to ask your brother in which hasn’t worked in two months and you took his position for any sum of money, big or small. Especially since we KNOW what he makes, which is a substantial amount of money for someone who has $0 bills. Mommy and Daddy still pay for everything. & it gets better… reason for him NOT having money at the moment is because he’s into a different lifestyle, enjoys smoking pot maybe a little too much, daily.
HI, I’M FUMING. & of course, Fiance has no issue not only giving him the $50 for this CD player with the justification of “I let him BORROW it… we’ll get it back.” & since the money that he lent him was from the account we placed the money we got from his motorcycle being totalled he added “that money wasn’t even saved for the wedding”… Everything we have right now has to be saved for this wedding. Ughhhhh!!
SO FELLOW BEES – Please tell me. Am I in the wrong to be extremely irritated at this whole situation? I think it’s absolutely ridiculous for someone to ask another person for money in which they KNOW has no income at the moment….. Maybe it’s because I’m the only that can save at the moment for this wedding that I’m stressed just a little too much?!
Please let me know your thoughts on this. Sorry for such a long post, but it def. made me feel better to rant and rave about how furious I am about this..
& if you also have ANY ideas in regards to “work from home” jobs, please feel free to let me know. The stress of having to budget and save on only ME is starting to become a bit unbareable, especially with situations like this.
Thanks everyone 🙂
Post # 3
*HUGS* It sounds like his little bro is a bit irresponsible, but it’s probably best left as a family matter. I’d calmly voice your opinion about it to your Fiance, but it’s really something between the two of them, and their parents (who are obviously enabling the brother if they’re paying all his bills). Hopefully he’ll grow up and realize he shouldn’t be asking his brother for anything, especially when you guys are trying to save for a wedding. Best of luck and a speedy recovery to your Fiance.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
I wouldn’t like this response if I was in your shoes, but honestly, that isnt your money so you shouldn’t have any say over how it is spent… Ideally he would discuss these sort of things with you but isnt under any obligation to :/ And if it truly wont affect your wedding funds… you doubly have no right to get upset with him.
All that being said, I TOTALLY understand why you are upset. I would be too. But we wouldn’t have a RIGHT to get upset with our FIs, ya know?
On a different note, I might bring up boundary issues with your Fiance. It sounds like him and his brother dont have a good set of boundaries which may become an issue between you & Fiance in the future.
Post # 5
@Beijocanaboca: Totally understand your aggravation, and yeah, the younger brother has some nerve.
I think though that you need to discuss this with your Fiance in a nice, non-accusatory way. $50 isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but imagine if younger bro needs $5,000 in a few years time. How would that work? Would he consult you then?
Is this a one-off or have you noticed your Fiance doing other silly things with money? Has he reduced what he spends in general to compensate for being out of work?
I am asking these things because the big picture is important. Finances can make or break a marriage. Is he itching to get back to work or sorta ok with the situation? I know it isn’t his fault, but he should be doing what he can to make the financial burden less on you. It’s possible he gave that $50 as a knee-jerk reaction without really thinking it through.
As far as work from home jobs, maybe he could be a telemarketer? I think they can work from home. Can he do some paperwork for his family’s business?
It kinda worries me how he has no unemployment insurance or anything. Maybe he needs to re-think working for the family unless he can be treated like a real worker (I am just speculating here, not sure how it all works in the States, I live in Canada).
Post # 6
@Beautiful Bluegrass: I understand your point of view. Except, the money is OURS not soley his. We pool all of our bills together and pay from our checkings accordingly. It makes more sense for us just due to the fact that I am a lot more responsible when it comes to paying bills and spending money. If I wasn’t, this whole situation probably wouldn’t affect me in any which way. Lol! With that said, the money wasn’t exactly HIS… we put it into a seperate savings account as back up money which will be needed for the wedding since he isn’t working. Crappy situation.
@canarydiamond: FI’s mother and father have never showed the children how to save. Even Fiance is horrible at it unless he knows he needs to save for something specific. He’s gotten better with me showing him how to put away for a rainy day. I was raised completely different. As far as spending other money, he hasn’t needed to since he can’t do all too much. He is itching to get back to work… which at times makes me feel awful for him. He is not one to sit around and do nothing!, which is a trait I love about him. He worked 45-50 hrs M-F and always helped my father on the weekends (he owns 3 rental properties). He doesn’t seem interested in a “work from home” job since he is one to be active, but I think at this point, it is a serious consideration… and he knows it. Thanks for the suggestions, I will def. look into things with him this weekend!
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
@Beijocanaboca: If he views the money as belonging to both of you it was VERY wrong to lend some out without you OKing it. It isnt HIS money to do with as he pleases unless you 2 have some sort agreement. Some couples agree that any purchase under X can be done without talking to their partner. If you 2 dont have that he just in essence gave some or your hard earned money to his brother. Also, as we all know, when you “lend” money to family you should assume it is a gift and never expect to see it again.
Post # 8
Yeah, I would be upset too. I don’t think he’s in a position to lend money right now, and a CD player for his brother isn’t an emergency that couldn’t wait. Even if the money wasn’t saved for the wedding, as he said, I’m guessing it can be considered part of your “emergency” fund, since he has no income right now.
Hope he recovers soon. Best wishes to you!