- 3 years ago
This is a long and complicated story but I’ll try and keep it short, I went through many traumatic experiences my entire childhood and this made me pretty messed up and I wasn’t socialized really much at all, so when I did finally start going out and meeting people I ended up meeting my first serious boyfriend, DJ but I wasn’t mentally ready for this and I cheated and even told him I just wasn’t ready to be with just one person I wanted to be out there and meet other people, after almost 3 years of this I ended it for the last time and left him for someone who I ended up leaving for someone else, I met with DJ while I was with this new guy and almost got back together but ultimately decided I could not cheat on or leave my new boyfriend and I once again cut contact with him which is something I will forever regret, I ended up getting engaged to this new guy and was with him for three years, till I finally got tired of his abuse and lies and left, I dated a few more people and then met my current boyfriend who I am planning on moving in with and we are talking about marriage in the future, and I’ve been fine and happy with this guy and really never thought about DJ, till one day a couple months ago I had a dream about him completely out of the blue after maybe 2-3 years of not even talking to him and when I woke up felt this intense pain and saddness, I felt like I didn’t wake up from that dream but that the time from when I had met DJ till now was all a nightmare and this all couldn’t possibly be real, I started crying and saying “it has to be a dream, it has to be a dream” and actually believed I’d wake up and be back to the days when I was with DJ again, I even pinched myself… Ever since that day I thought about him everyday and it only gets worse, I can get distracted mildly for a short period of time but that seems to happen less and less, I can’t eat, sleep or do anything I usually enjoy anymore, I can’t even breathe when I think about him, I’m in a hole of depression and I cannot seem to want to do anything, even live, everyone has noticed I’ve been acting different and this is crazy it’s been like 3 years since I’ve seen or even spoke to him, I never cared before, I’ve never felt like this before ever, and after I started feeling like this I decided to look him up on Facebook and I found out that he had gotten married I didn’t think he’d be married already, we’re both only 20.. My heart sank, I just stopped everything and sat there with tears rolling down my face. Eventually I felt I had to say something to him so I messaged him a long message and said sorry for everything I did in the past and explained I was young and going through a lot but he replied and said he forgave me a long time ago, he had to be breif because he has a lot of work and not enough time, what should I do? I can’t keep going on like this, I don’t know why this is happening, I’m afraid he was the love of my life
- This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Shycat.