(Closed) FABULOUS OLDER BRIDES – anyone out there just married, in their 40s, 50s, 60s?

posted 5 years ago in 40 Something
  • poll: FABULOUS OLDER BRIDES: 40s, 50s, 60s - do you merge finances with your new husband?
    Yes, we merge ALL of our income from jobs, SS, all joint accounts : (9 votes)
    32 %
    We keep our finances and all accounts separate. : (9 votes)
    32 %
    We have some joint money for household expenses; the rest is in our separate accounts : (7 votes)
    25 %
    We have joint savings for our future retirement, and some joint household money; rest is separate : (3 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hmm let’s see. I am 42 and I just got married for the second time. My first marriage was when I was 19 and had been with my boyfriend just five months total and was pregnant. We got married and then proceeded to have a baby every two years until by age 23 I had three children. I believed in the sanctity of marriage and in keeping my family together. Coming from divorced parents, it was very important to me that my kids grow up with an intact family. So I ignored the many signs of trouble over the years basically lied to myself and my husband that I was happy. We had fun hanging out but we never really had a compatible romantic relationship. And there were daily struggles over many things that we both just chose to ignore. Our therapist called it the elephant in the room. Our sex life for our entire marriage was pretty much nonexistent. I believed it was all my fault. Anyway, we were married for 21 years and had bought a house, retired from the military, and raised three kids together. But I finally realized and admitted to myself that I wasnt in love with him. And what everyone outside of our home thought was a sickeningly perfect marriage was a sham. We were really no more than roommates. My husband had already threatened to leave if our sex life didn’t improve. But he was less than willing to work on our issues. Every time we went to therapy he didn’t want to talk about anything. I finally told him I was leaving. He continued to try to pressure and manipulate me into coming back. I began seeing my current husband around the time I moved out. We had been colleagues and friends and I was just drawn to him. Even though I never cheated on my former husband, the fact that I started seeing my now husband so soon looked bad and my ex accused me of replacing him and said nasty things to our kids about him and how he was just using me for sex. Basically inappropriate things that should never have been said to our kids, regardless of their (mostly) adult ages. He was so bitter and to this day hates my husband and has nothing nice to say about him. At this point, even though we’ve been divorced for a year and a half and separated for over two years, he goes back and forth between being nice and being nasty to me so that I refuse to even speak to him. He has forced two of our children to choose sides, by alienating our daughter through his own childish actions and by getting our oldest son to stay with him and believe every negative thing he says about my husband. Our middle child, the younger son, is just trying to have everybody get along. He likes my husband a lot and they are good friends, but he fears losing his father if he lets on that he does so he keeps more to himself. 

    My now husband and I have lived together for about 22 months. We got engaged last December but we kept saying we could wait on the paper that would make us legally married. Finances aren’t so great. I still am 50% owner of the house with my ex and due to him not following his agreement for my husband and me to live in and fix up the house for sale while my ex helped pay for supplies, my husband and I made the decision to move across country and just let my ex keep my half of the military retirement to make the mortgage payments and get the house sold. I finally broke down and told my husband (then fiancé) that I was tired to feeling like I couldn’t move forward. I didn’t want to be a pretend wife. He is the love of my life, we’ve been through more together before getting married than many couples ever go through and have come out stronger. We have a mature and mutually supportive relationship that I never had with my ex. I wanted us to belong to each other in every sense, including Legally. So he said of course, name the date. I chose the one year anniversary of our engagement, December 12th and we had a simple ceremony in a beautiful garden with both our moms, two of his siblings, and my sister and my daughter in attendance. My husband, myself, and my daughter, who is now going through her own divorce, now live together on the opposite side of the country from my ex and, unfortunately my two sons. But they are branching out on their own and hopefully won’t stay in that town too much longer. It’s a mess in some ways, but in others I know that I am truly blessed to have this man to share my life with, who treats me like precious treasure and treats my daughter like family. He takes care of us both. In many ways I feel like I’m starting all over again at life at age 42. This is both scary and exciting. But it was awfully nice that my daughter got teary eyed at my wedding and told me that after the way she saw a wrong relationship between her dad and me all her life and after her own failed marriage, my husband and I are one of those couples who make her believe love really does exist.

    Wow sorry for the novel! And oh yeah, I took his name and we pool all our finances. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2008

    hi…I am 52 years old and soooo excited to be getting married for the second time in May – it is the anniversary of our first date 6 years ago.  It seems like so far away and I can barely stand the wait – I did pick the date – but we are getting closer every day.  Initially he was against the idea of marriage – but when he realized how much it meant to me and how happy i would be he agreed – we have been living together for 3 years – sleep together – vacation together and enjoy activities like tennis – bowling, hiking and biking.  I have my first diamond ring ever.  I was previously married for 24 years and have 2 adult children and one new precious grandbaby just 6 months old.  I no longer can tolerate being “just the girlfriend”  – I want to be the wife – we are getting married in our yard and he is working on fixing up the yard.  I don’t think our lives will change except I will be the wife.  We aren’t joining our finances – he pays all the bills and I have my paycheck for anything I want (life is great!)  I have 2 cats.  I am working on living a thankful life – concentrating on gratitude and peace.  I know the time for the wedding will be here – but it is in the distance for me…when I realize how far I have come, I first told him in june I want to be married…it took till august for him to ask if I wanted a ring – we could be engaged…and another month for him to agree to the date.  I started to feel like I was no one to him, I wanted to be important enough for him to love me and marry me – He wants me to be happy and loves to see me smile.  I love him alot and am working to be a good person for us.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2860 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @CarrieGyrl:  I am 49 and will be 50 when we get married in May. We have been together for 3 years. First time for me, third time for him.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1841 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Encore bride (#2 for both of us), both age 42.  Adult children; my DS will be 22 in June, and his DD will be 20 in July.  I am about three years from retirement.  YAY!!  He recently relocated to the US from Canada on a work visa.  He will file for his green card once we’re married.  We bought and moved into our dream home back in July.  I’m still trying to sell my little house, with no luck.  We’re looking forward to the wedding, our two week honeymoon in Tahiti and Bora Bora, and traveling the rest of our lives.  Because of the two homes right now, I continue to pay all the expenses associated with my house, and he’s paying the bills for our house.  Once we only have one house, we’ll combine our resources.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee

    This will be fiances first marriage, but my third.First one at 19 years old which lasted 3 weeks :)..2nd age mid twenties.That lasted a long time,producing 4 children but he died in a motorcross accident leaving me in a good position. I can look after myself so fiancee keeps his money, and I keep mine, but he does contribute to some  joint household expenses. Everything When we marry, we will have a separate joint savings account as well.This we plan to use for travel.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1246 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My first marriage at 42. And for him, also. We have been together for 22 years, though never thought we’d ever get married. Never really cared, or so I THOUGHT, until he proposed. Now Im kinda digging all this wedding stuff.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We got married last October at the ages of 44 and 43…first marriage for both.  Right now we still keep our money separate.  I took care of myself for so long that it’s the one thing I’m having a hard time letting go of. 

    I told him that I thought we should get a joint savings account to contribute to.  I will forever keep my separate checking account though and I will urge him to do the same.  Call me a control freak.  🙂 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2860 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @CarrieGyrl:  I will be 50 on my wedding day (1st wedding), he will be 61 (3d marriage)

    Post # 11
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I was 56 and NotFroofy was 41 when we got married.  We’re in an unusual situation, because NotFroofy has been unable to find a job for the 3+years since we got married.  Before that, we had a loose arrangement under which we had separate accounts, but each contributed to joint expenses.  Since NotFroofy became unemployed, I’ve basically just transferred money to her account using PayPal whenever she runs out.  Needless to say, I’d really like to get back to the old arrangement, but that will involve her getting a job again.

    Post # 12
    Member
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m 53 and my husband is 38. When we first lived together we opened joint accounts and merged all our finances. He immediately had his paycheck auto-deposited and I manage all our finances. He is a terrible money manager and I run my own business.  We now laugh about the time I was showering at his house early in our relationship and had just put shampoo in my hair when the water was shut off due to non-payment. He had/has a great job, never missed a mortgage or car payment, but couldn’t remember to pay his utilities. He’s generous to a fault and freely spends his money on others. We discuss all major money decisions but he trusts me completely to handle it all. I think many relationships divide the business part of things according to individual strengths.

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