Post # 1
I only dated a few guys before I met my mister, and only one of them was ever serious. We remained friendly after the breakup (which he initiated), through both of us dating new people, and me eventually meeting and dating Mr.Rain. Shortly after my engagement, however, he defriended me on facebook. A part of me was relieved and a part of me was a little offended. Mostly I didn’t care. Recently one of my close friends– his cousin– got married, and my husband and I didn’t make it to the wedding. I posted something on her fb wall and I guess the ex saw it because today he sent me a message.
It was just a nice little message of congrats and an update on what his plans are, and asking how I am. While I was reading it my husband called, so I told him about it, and we joked about the whole thing.
Anyway, I sent the obligatory nice note back, and then got an immediate response back, ending with “don’t be a stranger and you can send me a friend request if you want…”
What the heck! Why put the ball in MY court? I’m married and I just don’t care. I don’t want to be the one who initiates a facebook friendship, however superficial, with my ex, but I don’t want to be the bitch who just ignores him either… especially since we have mutual ties. What would you ladies do?
And yes, maybe I am over-thinking this, but isn’t that what we do where exes are concerned? 😛
Post # 3
I would not friend him. You don’t know what his motives are. If he keeps bothering you, then block him. Who cares if he thinks you are a bitch?
Post # 4
I would leave it as is.
He sent you a message with well wishes and that was very nice. You thanked him and IMO enough has been said. He put the words out and you are deciding to kindly decline. He doesn’t need to know the current day to day activity personal status updates on your FB. If he wants to say hello every now and then he knows he can shoot you a message…
Post # 5
Um….don’t add him.
I don’t see the point in being friends with an ex. do you really want him to know everything you post? do you really want a constant reminder of what is going on in his life? I would hope not…..I vote for move forward with your husband and leave the ex in the dust!
Post # 6
Unless you live on FB, it really, truly isn’t a big deal. You can friend him or not friend him, it doesn’t matter. He won’t think you are a witch if you don’t, and it doesn’t say a thing about your marriage if you do.
Post # 8
I know I might be in the minority here but:
My ex and I are FB friends. We have a ton of mutual friends from college and us NOT being friends would stand out more than if we were. He probably doesn’t want to initiate it because he doesn’t want your FI or you to get the wrong idea. He should’ve just sent the friend req and the PM at the same time, but maybe he wanted to see what your reaction to him reaching out was at first. It’s also possible that he disconnected his account and then signed up again – FI had to do this twice cuz of hackers. I wouldn’t over think it.
If you & your FI are cool with it and you don’t think anyone would get the wrong idea, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Post # 9
Ah I would just ignore it and move on
Post # 10
just thank him again for the well wishes and move on.. if he asks you to be friends, I don’t see the harm, but if he shows other motives, just defriend. But i wouldn’t make the move to friend.
though personally, i’ve ignored friend requests from my ex. I’m more of an ignorer and throwing out of old boyfriend positions, though.
Post # 11
Wait, HE tells YOU to friend request him? If he really was just being nice and friendly, he would just friend request you. Seems a little suspect to me… just move on.
Post # 12
don’t friend him. he made the move to defriend you after you got engaged — he was probably a little jealous and it was hard for him to see so much happiness in your life when perhaps it was hard for him to accept you had moved on and were in love with someone else. now, he asks you to friend him, probably because he wants attention and to feel like some part of you wants to be connected to him. it’s all quite selfish and childish. maintain your poise and thank for him for the kind note, but no need to acknowledge his request.
Post # 13
Good advice. Thank you, oh wise Bee! I think I’ll leave it alone. If he were to send me a friend request I could discuss it with my husband and friend or ignore accordingly, but there is no reason for me to make the first move. And YES, Coffeecake, HE told ME to friend request him, WHAT is UP with that? I’m married and the days of obsessing over ex-bfs are supposed to be long-gone. So shall it be!
Thanks again ladies!
Post # 14
I agree with the ladies on this, leave it as is. I recently accepted a Facebook friend request from a boy I used to date in Jr. High School. It wasn’t serious at all, very kiddie crush-like but my first boyfriend regardless and my first kiss. I only accepted because I NEVER thought he was someone I was ever serious with. FH and I also just shrugged it off and joked about it. I don’t remember ever breaking up with this guy – I think I might have asked a friend to break-up for me … we were just that young.
So I accepted and commented about how cute his little girl is. Then all the sudden this guy posts pictures of me as a teen! He posted more than a few of them! Then he posted 2 baby pictures I must have given him. A mutual friend even commented, “How cute! You still have them!”
It was very uncomfortable for a few days. But after seeing all of my wedding related posts and what-not, he got the hint and even started posting old pictures of other people too. So maybe I over reacted? All is at peace now though, he’s just like most of my other FB friends, nice and quiet.
My advice is to just ignore it and save yourself the possible drama.
Post # 15
I’d probably just ignore the comment. If he chooses to add you, then maybe talk it over with your husband and see how he feels about it. But I don’t think it’s necessary to be facebook friends.
I only dated one guy before my husband. We stayed friends for a while, but I eventually deleted him on facebook because I felt like it was time to move on. I still see him occasionally (because we share the same group of friends, including my husband, and he’s now dating a good friend of mine), but it’s always in group settings. I never felt the need to re-add him on facebook. I don’t really have a desire to have him a regular part of my life and so avoiding sharing the daily updates and nosiness of facebook helps keep up that friendly distance.
I think with exes, I’m usually in favor of keeping a decent distance once you’re married. Even if things ended on good terms, there will inevitably be a rough point in your marriage (even just a day) where it could be tempting to turn to a familiar friendship elsewhere and staying in contact with you ex might make that pull a little easier.
Post # 16
My exes and I are Facebook friends, but we are on good terms and it’s not weird at all. This guy sounds kind of like a creeper. If you’re doubting whether you should add him, don’t do it. Unnecessary drama.