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1) never ever tell or imply to anyone that they're invited if you're not 100% sure they are. You really can't go back on that unless you want to lose that person from your life. If you told them they were invited they should be invited.
2) keep planning off facebook! same rules apply online as apply in real life... don't talk about your wedding in front of people who are not invited. Which means no status updates, photos, etc etc etc. If you want to share something with specific people then message them.
A lot of people I talk to my wedding about won't be invited. I don't see anything wrong with it but I never indicated to them that they'd be invited, actually quite the opposite. I think its fine sharing info just don't go telling people they are invited when they won't recieve the invite.
I agree with june42011, I talk to my coworkers about the planning sometimes, and they arent' invited, nor do they assume they will be. It does suck when people are commenting on your status update or something saying "can't wait to get my invitation!" when they're not invited... it's like, um, the wedding is in 2 weeks... don't you think you would have gotten it by now?!
If you've already mentioned to people that they're invited and then don't invite them, they'll have a legitimate gripe against you. I'd try to keep on the guest list all those you told were invited, if I were you, and then just try to hold back on telling any others that they're invited until you've actually sent out the invitations!
As for FB, I'd do my best to keep the wedding posts in check, but there's no reason you have to be totally closed-mouthed about it...I think people understand that weddings are expensive and guest lists aren't always what the bride and groom want them to be.
i agree with CorgiTales on both accounts. don't promise invites that you can't follow through on. guest list cuts suck and unless you've planned a wedding yourself, it's hard to understand, but it's a whole lot harder if you were already told you'd be invited. unless you want to loose those people as friends, you should probably have an honest conversation with them and not let them find out they're off the guest list when they don't get an invitation in the mail and hear (probably on facebook) about others getting one.
I never put anything on facebook about planning, location, time of day, who was invited or anything like that because I knew it could cause issues. The only thing I would ever put would be something like "55 days til I have a husband!" or a few days before the wedding I put "getting married in 3 days!!" or something like that. I purposely didnt put anything about where it was or our website or anything like that and Im glad I didnt!
Ditto CorgiTails...facebook is not fun when it comes to wedding planning.
I pretty much stopped talking about anything wedding related on Facebook. There are people on mine that aren't invited & I don't want them to feel bad or say, "I haven't received my invite yet...". It just find it better not to put myself in that situation @ all & keep it off FB.
I rarely put anything up on facebook, but I did have a coworker who never talks to me and assumed because she's friends with the MOH that she was invited. She even asked for the day off and everything. Then she started asking others around work if they got an invite and was peeved that she didn't get one. I've already made it very clear that we have a smaller budget and I couldn't/should have to invite everyone from work.
Anyways, I would probably stick to not really being too indepth about your wedding plans. You could have some bitter people showing up to your wedding just in spite.
@clarebee: I'm with you. I posted that I got engaged. I'll probably post when I get married/honeymoon. Other than that I keep my wedding planning off the interwebs (except for ya know... weddingbee! heh)
I'm with Clarebee and never put any wedding specifics on FB. Only vague references to getting married, honeymoon excitement, etc. The friends and family you talk to will know all the details anyways, and people who are only "Facebook friends" don't need to know that stuff. Maybe you should tone it down a bit.
I talked about wedding planning on facebook but I don't think it was too often. Yes, I complained about wedding planning, like whether to have assigned seating and I got some really good feedback from some people who I didn't invite. Which is why I liked using facebook because I got some really great advice.
I did tell people that I was working on my invitations but never told people when they were sent. That way people weren't expecting them.
I didn't have any problems on facebook. I think a lot of my friends on facebook knew if they were going to be invited or not. I didn't invite my college roommates initially but about 2 weeks before the wedding, I had room, so I invited them. One of my roommates said that she was hoping to get invited. But she wasn't pissed about it. She was so happy that I ended up inviting her.
Also, a lot of my friends on facebook were recently engaged so there were a lot of wedding planning going around. Even though, I asked for their advice and I gave them some advice, I NEVER assumed I was going to get an invite from them. I think all of my engaged friends know how expensive weddings are and that I can't invite everyone.
I didn't update my status with "Yay, my parents are letting me invite 500 people to my wedding" That's just asking for trouble. Even if my guest list was that big and if my parents were paying, I wouldn't post something like that. A lot of my friends on facebook knew I was pissed about the cost of a wedding so hopefully they got the hint that I'm not made out of money.
Also, some of the personal stuff related to details, I asked weddingbee! :)
My personal motto on FB is this: If you don't want people to talk about it with you, don't put it up on FB.
With wedding planning, most reasonable people understand that posting your frustrations over invitations on your wall is not tantamount to inviting all your FB friends to your wedding. And most people will not expect that you do. But if you're the type of person who feels bad about those who might be expecting to be invited and/or has difficulty telling people 'no' or being a source of their disappointment, then you might want to put the kabosh on planning info on FB, per my motto.
It's important to use a huge amount of discretion when discussing wedding plans with anyone who you aren't 100% certain will be invited, and that applies tenfold to public forums like Facebook. I posted about my wedding only in very general terms, like saying I had ordered my dress or that we enjoyed our cake tasting - or I would note "one month to go" without stating the venue or time. In conversations with coworkers, I would discuss the details, but only after it was completely clear that no one from the office was invited (like, I talked about having sent out invitations already, and they obviously hadn't received any).
If you've verbally invited someone to your wedding, you really can't take them off the list. It's the same as un-inviting them, which is pretty much unthinkable in anything but extreme circumstances.
I 100% agree with CorgiTales. If you want to avoid the drama, keep that info off of facebook!
I agree. I didn't post the date or anything except a pic of my ring and shoes. Now that the wedding is over I'll probably post some pics from it.
Facebook is the worst. People always put stuff like "You got married?! I didn't know you were engaged. Wish I could have been there!" Chances are if you didn't know I was engaged then there was no way you'd be invited to the wedding.
OR, if you really want to post it to Facebook, keep the post viewable to select people only. There is a way to customize your posts so that not everyone on your friend's list will see them.
I use Facebook to communicate with my BM's because I know they are on it regularly. I post pictures, provide them with status updates, etc. but I make sure they are the only two that see it. The smaller your audience, the fewer your problems will be. =)
Yes! And any social media site in general! I put up something about my fiance and I being engaged for 5 months on my Twitter page (we're not getting married until 2012) and a really, really casual acquaintance (we've met once!) asked when my wedding was. I told her a general date (Summer 2012) and she wrote back saying that she hoped she got an invitation! I was like "Are you serious?!" (to myself of course).
Also, when I first got engaged a high school friend (we haven't really talked since then and that was 2004) posted something like "I better get an invite!" on my Facebook wall. I'm definitely not putting any more info online, unless it's really, really vague or I only let certain people see it.
I've learned my lesson! lol
I stopped posting wedding things - even in general terms - to FB after seeing an (ex-)friend's status say, "NO ONE cares what kind of paper you chose for your invitations!" after I had posted something about finding the perfect paper for my DIY STDs. Of course, her single groupies all chimed in that she was right on, and engaged/married people should be spending ALL their time talking to/spending time with their SO in person (and they wonder why they're single?!) instead of posting about their wedding/relationship on FB. She also later said that she was talking about her cousin's wedding... but how coincidental the topic of the post, and that all posts about her "cousin's wedding" stopped after I stopped posting about my wedding.
And if someone else posts to my wall about something wedding related, I'll comment that I'll answer them privately, or I'll just delete the post and send them a PM.
If I want to talk wedding, I come here. :)
Just a word of caution - also don't post too many specifics because people troll sites like that looking for people to rob. Posting specific details about your wedding let's people know 1) exactly when you won't be home and 2) you just got a lot of great wedding gifts they can steal.
So etiquette yes, but also for safety.
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Oh boy, FB will be the death of me, I believe.
I'm very open about a lot of my wedding planning on Facebook. I've posted the location, date and a few decor ideas...however, due to budget restraints, and the fact that the price of the ceremony/reception rests on the amount of people attending, I've had to make some cuts to the guest list. The FI has a rather large family causing me to make some slight "alterations" to MY guest list. Unforunately, there are a few people that I've mentioned being invited to that haven't made the cut :[
Not to mention, there are a few girls from school that have overheard me talking about the wedding, that are on my facebook, but not invited...
So far, there haven't been any issues, but I'm worried that there will be a lot of sore toes after it's all over.
Has anyone else had/is having this issue? How did/are you dealing with it?
Talks amongsta yaselves! :P