Post # 1
Weddings are weird times because you really take stock of who is in your life and why you’re close to them. I have about five really close friends–I’ve asked all of them to be bridesmaids.
Anyway, I guess I read too much Martha Stewart but I decided to host a little luncheon. Being obsessive-compulsive about this sort of thing, I planned it out detail by detail. As presents, I spent three afternoons creating a hardcover book of all photos of our senanigans since high school. I also hand-made necklaces for all of them using sterling silver charms I’d ordered online (the friend from New Orleans got a fleur de lis, for example).
I actually really enjoyed putting everything together and was looking forward to a fun get-together. Only, it wasn’t a fun get-together. One friend called and said she couldn’t make it (despite the fact we planned the whole thing around her schedule) and the friend from New Orleans brought along two other friends that I’ve never even seen (and who were not very nice). Everyone else seemed uninterested.
I wasn’t expecting an fun get-together devoted to me after all but this was a little much, no?
Anyway, I felt really crest-fallen and have spent the better half of the evening re-thinking the whole bridesmaid thing. I was looking forward to having a wedding party but with friends like these?
Am I being too sensitive?
Post # 3
The absolute best advice I got from one of my few married friends was this. Don’t expect much from your bridesmaids, most especially the single ones. She said ‘Your bridesmaids are your closest friends but that doesn’t mean they have any idea what they’re going through or are going to be any help. Look to your married and engaged friends." The first time she told me this I thought, uh no I guess your bridesmaids suck and mine will be fine. 6 months into my engagement and nothing could be farther from the truth. I have trouble even getting email responses from my bridesmaids on their own dresses!
Everytime I open my mouth about the wedding I see their eyes glaze over. Even if we’re talking on the internet! Yeah, I’ve become a little obsessed but I really don’t bother them about anything but my dress, theirs and the venue. So I, and my friend feel your pain. My advice to you, look to wedding bee, and find a few amongst your friends who seem to be really responsive when you offer details about your wedding. Expect that you love your bridesmaids but don’t ask more from them than picking a dress, purchasing it, and showing up.
Just my two cents!
Post # 4
Thanks so much for the advice. It really helps. I think the issue also may be that all of my bridesmaids with the exception of one are single or casually dating. Not that there’s anything wrong with that–I guess it’s more abo being able to relate to what a person is going through.
Thanks again–your words mean a lot.
Post # 5
I haven’t had exactly the same experience, but I can relate. None of my BMs (or my friends in general) are married, so they are only vaguely interested in the idea of my wedding. Two have been great about trying on dresses with me and offering their opinion. Getting a response from the other two is nearly impossible though. The only thing I want from them, aside from showing up, is to do a bachelorette party, but if it doesn’t happen naturally, I’ll just organize something with them. I know it’s not because they don’t care about me – it’s because the whole wedding and bridesmaid thing is new to them.
Post # 6
I totally understand what you are saying – hence my pity party post http://beachboundbride.blogspot.com/2007/12/under.html .
I think ttshoo‘s friends’s advice is right on the spot! When I think about her words – it rings quite true in my case as well! The friends in which I was in their weddings and the ones recently married are the ones most understanding, offering advice, and intertersted in the wedding details. Which is also why weddingbee is great. cuz we don’t want to cause everyone else’s eyes to glaze over.