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Fairweather Friends?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
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    1.
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    GingerCurls    October 16, 2010   NJ

    I hope this won't be too long. I'll be as brief as I can! 

    One of my good friends, childhood friends, and I have been going through a serious rough patch. When we got to college it was at it's worst, she got in with an iffy crowd with looseness and drugs and so on. (A pinnacle moment of my distaste with her was when I first lost my virginity, she looked me square in the face and said "You know, no offense, but I also thought I'd be having sex before you", a week later she lost hers to some random frat boy.) We had a pretty big blow-up and didn't talk to each other.

    Overtime, things started to patch up, and since I graduated college she has been saying "oh, yeah we need to hang out" but whenever I tried to make plans or ask her what she was doing, she would blow me off completely.

    She's always calling me when her friends are being lousy, complaining that they don't treat her right, that they are not there for her and they don't even try. Well jeez, that's exactly what you're doing, genius! 

    Over the passed few weeks, I have tried to make plans with her as her birthday was coming up and she invited me to go to lunch with her and her friends and family. I said I might be working but to let me know. She texts me a few minutes later saying that it won't happen because her brother was driving his mom down south for a job interview (and she was all hissy that her family was being cruel by missing her birthday). I told her I was really sorry that they aren't going to be around, but I told her to let me know what was going on.

    So I text her the night before her birthday to say Happy Birthday and got no response. I let it go cause it was late and I figured she'd text in the morning. No response, so I asked her what was going on today and she said "Oh, I'm out to lunch with ____ and ____. I'm going to a bar later you should come."

    Now, none of you know me, but if you did, for 10 years especially, you would know I hate bars. At this point I was a little POed because she disregarded the fact that we were going to do something. I just texted her back that "Meh, I'm not a bar person, but I hope she has a happy birthday" No response. 

    ~SO. I'm sending out my Save the Dates and I'm needing addresses, she just recently moved so I sent her a message "Hey what is your address?" No response.

    I'm going to go ahead and say I've tried just about everything in my power to get our friendship back in order, but nothing has worked. I text her because she hates talking on the phone, in case maybe some think that she is sick of the text messages--I thought about that too. So anyway, in conclusion, I'm just not really sure what to do. I'm trying to let it roll of my back but it's really difficult when I'm always there for HER but I can't seem to get a decent response from her. Any thoughts??? :[

     

    *** Sorry, this was not at all short. Thanks to all who respond <3

     
    2.
    Member
    1,126 posts
    Bumble bee
    mountain.bride    December 12, 2009   Australia

    I don't think she really wants to be your friend, unfortunately. It can be hard to realise especially if you have known each other for a long time, but that's not a good enough reason to hold onto a friendship if you have different life styles/values/beliefs/etc. I would let the friendship go.

    Her behaviour about her b'day reminds me of a friend I had all through high school. We went to the same university so kept hanging out a fair bit, although not as often as before. Her birthday was coming up and I tried calling/texting multiple times in the weeks beforehand saying things like "I'd love to take you out for a birthday drink, let me know what you're up to" and I never heard back. A week or so after her birthday I ran into her on campus and said I'd been trying to call her, how was her birthday, etc. She said "oh I didn't want to do anything for my birthday. But if you call me now I'll pick up the phone." I decided at that moment she didn't really want my friendship and I never contacted her again. Luckily I also never ran into her on campus again either!

    I like to spend my time and energy on people who a) appreciate it and b) do the same for me. This girl doesn't seem to be doing either so I think you'd be better off being a good friend to people who really deserve it :)

     
    3.
    Hostess
    16,857 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    I honestly would stop talking to her.  It doesn't sound like you get any positive things out of the relationship anymore, and it is just causing you distress.  If she doesn't want to spend time with you or talk to you, it's her loss.

     
    4.
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    GingerCurls    October 16, 2010   NJ

    Yeah, it's definitely hard, especially with the wedding coming up--I wanted to invite her and her family (I loooove her family) and of course, when she doesn't respond to a simple "what is your address" I take it she doesn't care enough to respond, she I assume she doesn't care enough to go to my wedding. (Would it be horrible if I invited her family and not her?? haha) She's blown off me and my fiance often enough, and he really REALLY doesn't like her due to all the malarky that has gone on over the years. 

    I'm definitely not going to put in any effort anymore, I did my part, the ball is in her court. If she decides to respond that's fine, but I'm not going to be trailing her around responding to her every beck and call. Thanks for your responses, I'll keep you posted :)

     

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