(Closed) Fake family, uninvolved father…Invite???

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

All I can say is Fiance and I specificaly said we would only invite people who make an effort to be in our lives. As we named off people we would say he calls you all the time, or he’s always texting us and inviting us out. I didn’t invite my dads cousin who I grow up with cause she never comes out to our house for parties when invited. I’d say follow your heart. 

Post # 4
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@KyliePaige:  Well, you might think of it this way: given that they have invited you to their weddings, if you opt not to invite them to theirs, that’s probably going to be taken badly. If you do invite them, things will probably stay more-or-less the same (which isn’t that great for you) but they won’t get any worse.

Family is hard. I’m sure they don’t intentionally leave you out, but I can see how you not being around as much growing up would make it tougher to have a close relationship. I have a clutch of cousins who live nearby and whom I saw all the time growing up – and I also have a couple of aunts & uncles who moved several states away when I was a baby, and so I’ve only seen those cousins, their kids, on rare occasions. Guess who I’m closer to? And it’s not because I don’t care about them – and I genuinely do mean it when I tell them I love them, etc. – but we just don’t have the same degree of closeness.

I would invite them. The risk of offending them by not inviting is disproportionate to the “benefit” of not having them there. It would probably be seen as a hostile act (even if you didn’t mean it that way) – firing a shot across the bow. If you invite them and they decline, you’ve lost nothing, right? And if you invite them and they come, you can know that for sure on this occasion they will pay attention to you.

Post # 5
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t invite they don’t need to be there.

Post # 6
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I vote don’t invite either.

They might take it badly, but that’s their problem.  You’re not really involved in their lives anyway.

Post # 7
114 posts
Blushing bee

If you have the space and the money to cover the cost of inviting them, I’d do it.  If space is an issue, don’t invite them.

We have a similar situation in our family, and unfortunately for us, space is an issue.  I’m struggling with this decision myself.

My thought is this:  In five years, when you are looking back at your wedding, will you regret not having them there? 


Post # 8
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My family is the epitome of dysfunctional – not only did I disinvite my verbally abusive father, none of my 1st cousins or my father’s remaining sisters are invited, and my mother and her family are all deceased. Unfortunately there has been a lot said and words can’t be taken back…I haven’t been invited to anything on my father’s side of the family for at least 10 years. My friends are my extended family and they have been incredibly supportive. Invite who you feel comfortable with, it’s only one day but you don’t need the dramatics, the wedding itself is stressful enough.

Post # 9
24 posts


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