- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I need some advice on how to move forward with a BM that I’ve had a falling out with.
The eruption has been building for about a year now so I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible. 🙂
I met this girl through my FI as she is his good friend’s sister and they grew up next door to FI. Initially I did not like her whatsoever as she is loud, aggressive, spoiled and I thought she liked my then boyfriend. A couple years later when FI and I moved in together we relocated to the same area of the city as her and we developed a friendship that grew in large part to me comforting her during a devastating loss.
This friend, we’ll call her Dee, has stated that she does not want kids or marriage and talks down about her friends that do move on to those things. After FI and I got engaged last April things between she and I started to change. I noticed her partying was taking a turn for the worse (hard drinking several times a week, occasional illegal pill usage, frequent marijuana usage and once I heard her mention cocaine) which really turns me off. She came over my house the night after FI’s aunt had passed away and was drunk and high and when I told her I wished FI could grieve instead of drinking with her and her brother she nastily said he could “grieve later”. Also, throughout all of this I’ve heard from my MOH that she has been unbearable to work with while planning my bridal shower. My MOH has the patience of a saint and is an incredibly warm hearted, likable girl.
Recently I received a text message from Dee that said, “Have you been avoiding me lately? You’ve been much less responsive that you used to be. If I did something to upset you please tell me.” I hesitated to respond because text is probably the worst form of communication to use to resolve an issue but I eventually did and told her I was upset by the “grieve later” comment and that I wished she wasn’t giving my MOH such a hard time. Well that opened up the flood gates and she then spent an hour berating me via text and threatening my status within our local friend group (not my close friends, but people FI and I will hang out with because they are nearby). I stopped responding because there’s no sense in arguing with someone so clearly irrational. She then went on to email my MOH (who she does not know personally) and ripped her a new one and said she wants nothing else to do with planning the shower. MOH didn’t respond. Dee has since responded to a group email from MOH about the shower and corresponded normally. She has not, however, contacted me to either apologize or at least discuss the awful things she said to me and it has been over two weeks.
So, ladies, how should I proceed here? At this point in time I’m not even interested in having her be a part of our wedding party but feel as though it’s dramatic to ask her to not take part.