Post # 1
I’m getting married in less than 2 weeks and need some advice/support. I have recently fallen out with one of my two bridesmaids. It’s a long story but basically she is one of my oldest friends. She was lovely, kind, funny and supportive when we first met in our youth but over the years she’s grown into a completely negative, paranoid, critical and judgemental person. There are reasons for her negativity but I can’t keep making excuses for her behaviour, as I have been doing for years now. I haven’t asked her to actually do anything for the wedding although she paid for her own dress as it’s just a casual, low-key wedding and I’m letting the bridesmaids wear what they like as they’ll get to keep the dresses and I like the idea of us all expressing our individual styles. I have kept it as low-pressure as possible for her, however she is completely unable to show any kind of enthusiasm, in fact her attitude suggests she finds it quite a burden (perhaps financially?) I recently asked her for a small favour for the wedding (and gave her the option to decline) and she reacted like I was asking the earth and accused me of “taking advantage”. It was completely out of proportion and I said that her eagerness to think the worst of me must mean she doesn’t have a very high opinion of me. I haven’t heard from her since. I’ve now decided that I don’t need someone like that standing with me on my wedding day and now would rather she didn’t come but I don’t know how to approach this with her without her attacking and criticising me. I’d even dread doing it my email! I just need to know either way if she’s planning on turning up. I’m also wondering if I should offer to pay for her dress if she is unable to return it as I’m sure she is going to be now blaming me for her wasting money!
I lost my sister two years ago and I now cannot bear the thought of this person standing in her shoes by my side on my wedding day. My other bridesmaid is lovely, kind, suppotive and I think I’d be happier if it was just ner on the day. So I need some advice on how to approach this??
Post # 3
You really can’t un-ask her to be in the wedding without looking rude, but you can approach it like you’ll understand if she backs out. Explain how she has been making you feel, and say “I understand if you no longer feel as though you can support me on my wedding day” or “I understand if the financial cost isn’t what you anticipated” or something along those lines.
Good luck handling this!
Post # 4
@abbie017: To be honest, I don’t think I’ll have to un-ask her even if I wanted to, as she is incredibly stubborn and I really don’t think she’ll turn up. Having said that I do feel bad for her because she is not very happy in her life but if I apologise to her just for the sake of making contact it kind of “allows” her behaviour. I do miss the girl she once was though (and still can be). I’m just really confused!
Post # 5
Hi there we had a similar situation, the best man in our wedding was being totally ignorant to my FI making him feel terrible, and on top of it apparently didn’t like me for reasons totally unknown. To top it off he is my FI cousin. He has recently been through a bad time, and was taking situations out on my FI and his brother, as he grew up being very close to them. So after a month of verbal abuse from him, he decided that he was not going to have him as his best man. Last thing you wanted was someone to stand for you that didn’t like the bride. And he didn’t seem really into the wedding, and with our luck he wasn’t going to bother giving him a Stag!
On my FI B-day, he received a text message from the Best Man wishing him a happy birthday, my FI thanked him and explain due to the recent events he was asking him to step down and he asked another cousin, and said to him he was asking him but not to tell him. Well the first thing the ex-Best Man did was phone up and tells him… It was all a bad situation, but the best decision! The Best Man now couldn’t do more for us and can’t believe how the ex-BMan acted towards it all.
The people who stand beside you are the ones that want to see you happy and be proud of you that day!! You just need to talk to her maybe she is having some other issues… is she married or in a relationship maybe this is all hard on her.
Good Luck in what you decide to do and approach it!
Post # 6
@Celtic_Bride: She is in a long-term relationship but I don’t think she feels like she is his top priority tbh. I can’t really talk to her about it because she gets incredibly defensive. She’s also really unhappy in her chosen career and life basically just hasn’t turned out like she wanted. I try incredibly hard to be supportive and listen to her ranting but maybe by doing that and not being honest I haven’t actually done her any favors? It’s sad but you have to roll with the punches in life and realise that friends are a blessing, not a hassle and that’s how she makes me feel most of the time.