Post # 1
So I’m getting married in 3 months, complete abstinence til the wedding day. Starting to look at birth control methods and am shying away from abortificiants. I came across FAM which I vaguely heard of before but didn’t think much about bc I chose abstinence and didn’t have a wedding in sight.
I’m intrigued by the natural-ness of it, and want to try it but read it may not work for women who have irregular cycles. When I was a teen I bled non stop for months, being hospitalized for blood loss once. Went on the pill to control it and as a result had a series of negative experiences with drs bc they couldn’t believe someone so young would be on the pill, was criticized a lot and called a liar when I said I was a virgin. Even got physically assaulted by an obgyn who said I was lying, and she was a woman dr.
So I pretty much avoid women drs at all cost now.
question is, when I was 17 the pill stopped working, I bled for weeks again and decided to throw all my pills in the trash and prayed, “God, either heal me or I’m going to bleed to death.” The next day it stopped and I’ve never had that problem again. However, I now bleed only about 2 days, and spot an extra day or so. The 2 days are extrememly heavy, a lot of clotting. Periods are consistent with the day they start. Is that considered an irregular cycle? I assumed most women bled 7 days bc that’s how it is on the pill.
I really want to try FAM bc it’s natural, on the days you’re supposed to abstain we would just use condoms (we’re Christian but not Catholic and don’t have any birth control standards from the church). We’re also ok if we end up pregnant because we view kids as a blessing and while we would like to wait a few years, we’d also be happy with a child.
Thoughts? Has anyone tried this method? (I know there are other threads about it but theyre years old and dont address the cycle question).
Post # 2
nestle: Congrats on waiting until marriage and I’m so so sorry for what some doctors put you through. They should have been reported, though I can understand if you felt too young or vulnerable to do it.
In my mind, a “regular cycle” means regular times between periods (i.e. from start of one to start of next); not the length of bleeding time.
I’ve got a distrust of FAM because of the people it’s failed for. Have you considered using condoms exclusively, or mostly? After I went off the pill, we did that successfully for 3+ years before TTC.
Post # 3
I’d be fine with that, and fi and I very briefly discussed it and he said he would too, but I was looking for alternate methods in case when we have an actual full convo about it he changes his mind. I know the experience is different with them so I’d underatand if he didn’t want to!
The plus is that we both want kids, and he thinks we shouldn’t wait more than a year or so, but respects my decision to wait maybe 2 or 3 years.
Post # 4
nestle: That’s why I said “mostly” use condoms. I didn’t mind condoms but DH preferred not to use them (my best friend found the same thing with her DH). So we went “bareback” once a month when we sure I wasn’t fertile – though we weren’t too scientitfc about it and I think we were a bit lucky. Anyway, perhaps you can do a compromise like that.
Post # 5
Starting on the expected day seems regular. I don’t think most people bleed 7 days, mine are about 3.5 days every cycle so I wouldn’t worry about that. FAM can be effective but also know people it didn’t work for.
Post # 6
I would definitely suggest using condoms as a backup for at least a few months while you get the hang of FAM. Then, even once you have a clear handle on your cycle, it’s not a bad idea to use condoms during your fertile period until you feel you’d be ready if a pregnancy did happen. My husband and I used FAM to avoid pregnancy for a year before we were ready to TTC, and even though I felt pretty confident in my cycle, knowing that sometimes your body will do something wacky and ovulate earlier than expected, we felt much more comfortable having that backup of condoms. So we basically used condoms from the end of my period until I ovulated each month.
FAM can definitely be effective! But I think it’s important to be realistic aboutthe possibility of something unexpected happening and taking the necessary precautions.
Also, I wouldn’t worry about your cycle – sounds normal to me. “Normal” varies from woman to woman. I’ve never had 7 days of bleeding.