Post # 1
ok, its a vent & soundoff so i can be bashed for this with no hurt feelings….
my uncle died a few weeks ago – in italy, im in australia. so my cousin (his other niece) looked after him for the past year and as far as im concerned she can have whatever he had as she earned it and my siblings agree, he died of cancer and she took care of him in ways i cant even imagine how she did it – shes a hero in my eyes for that
but….. here comes the but……
they (the italian side of the family) want us (my 2 siblings and i) to sign a document each saying we have zero claim to any of his assets but refuse to tell us exactly what assets we are signing away
im happy to sign this IF they put a value on the letter – afterall, only an idiot would sign anything so ambiguous. heck, im happy to sign it if it had $500K on it and wish her the best but i would feel more comfortable if it actually told me what exactly im signing away
my aunt (dead uncles sister who hasnt spoken to him for over 30yrs) has rung me 3 times in the past week alone about going to the consulate and signing this letter – she hasnt phoned any of us kids for over 30yrs (she usually communicates via our mum).
i told her i want to see actual documentation with values and now she thinks my siblings and i are going to claim a share (which btw by italian law we are entitled to hence why she needs the letter to stop the lawyers from automatically sendings us a share).
we are all in agreement about this, we want our cousin to be looked after but we just feel we are being treated as idiots and they (our aunt) is trying to be sly. we’re not stupid, we know he owned his own place and had an amazing pension so we know there are assets and we want our cousin being taken care of but i just feel like im being treated like an idiot. now she is on the phone to my mother crying about how her daughter is going to be left homeless, which she is NOT! i would sign a letter tomorrow if it listed the property to be given to her but i want to see it in writing first. my mother in the meantime is taking a take no prisoners attitude about this and wants us to claw every cent we can out of this but we. do. not. want. to!
whew… im only venting and to be honest i had no other place i could vent so hopefully you guys dont mind too much because its just so frustrating, i feel like getting on a plane and going over there to sort it out.
does anyone want to swap families??? i would take a psycho mother in law or bridezilla right now over this!
Post # 3
Since everyone (except for your mom) wants the same thing, why is this becoming such an issue? It seems pretty clear that your aunt is afraid once you see just how much your uncle has left behind, you and your siblings will reconsider your position and her daughter will end up with less.
I can understand you not wanting to blindly sign away your rights. Is there a chance that if his assets reached a certain level (let’s say $5 million) you would feel differently about your cousin getting everything?
If you’re truly happy with her having it all — regardless of the value — it may be worth keeping the family peace and obliging your aunt’s request. But if you might feel differently should there be a bonanza of assets to share, then you should obviously exercise your legal rights.
Post # 4
I agree, even if I knew regardless that I would sign away my rights to the inheritance I would like to know what I am signing away…I would feel really weird signing what is essentially a blank document.
Post # 5
Wow. That’s a lot of drama. IMHO, you’re being kind.
It’s only fair that you know what you are signing. Any chance you can speak to your cousin on this??
I think it’s wonderful that you are not trying to get everything you can. It’s sad, but I’ve heard of many people who will try anything for a buck…
Post # 6
I think it’s fair to know what you’re signing. Especially when it’s an inheritance that was left to you regardless of how involved you are in the situation. If you don’t want anything out of this, call the cousin and get a little info. If she was able to care for your uncle through his illness, she obviously has a heart of gold and would probably be more than willing to let you know what’s going on. Good luck!
Post # 7
I think you have a right to know what you’re signing away even if you want no part of it. Stand your ground–if she wants this to move forward she’ll have to let you know what the assets are.
I think the aunt is just trying to look out for her own (maybe a little too much) and she is acting a little sly. She probably doesn’t want you to see the document because if it’s really that much, you’ll likely try to claim a piece of the pie (which regardless you are apparently entitled to, even though are graciously declining). Maybe your aunt thinks there will be AN asset you want–a piece of jewelry or something and that suddenly you will become greedy. She’s not really giving you the benefit of the doubt. From my family history, I can honestly say everyone is sort of skeptical of others (even family) once large sums of money come into play. I’ve seen it happy many times over; it’s not a new issue unfortunately. At some point they’ll just have to trust you that you are dong the right thing and have a little faith in your character.
I guess her attitude is that if you don’t care, you’ll sign it, regardless. I think that’s kinda foolish, though, to sign a blank document!
If it gets a little nasty, you could have a lawyer contact their lawyer–I would imagine that you are “entitled” to see his will and/or inheritance items. Maybe there is something very specific the uncle wanted to leave you as a family member–not even money or something.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay
I also agree that you should know what you’re signing away – only an ignorant person would sign their name to a LEGAL document and have no idea what it is! I’d consult a lawyer if I were you…
Sounds like you’re taking the high road – good for you! Money & Family NEVER mix well and you’re doing all you can to keep things copacetic. Keep on them about it, though!
Post # 9
thanks guys… to be honest, if it was $5mil i would be “what the!” and we would have to have a serious talk about it but we all know it wont be that much. theres the apartment and if we’re lucky $100K euro/cash and i would be happy to sign my share over to my cousin. please dont think ive got money to throw it away but i know my cousin hasnt travelled and maybe she would like to go back to school, shes a good kid that needs to live a bit
anyways, another cousin who lives in Geneva has been getting phone calls as well so he is planning to fly to italy next week to suss it out and get to the bottom of it so we can get on with life
Post # 10
What you are asking for is definitely reasonable – Stick to your guns!!!!
Post # 11
I would first consider if it is a big sum of money. Then, I would NOT sign the document. I would receive the money and then gift it to my cousin. Obviously, you’ll need to find out if there are any taxation issues or gift tax issues for you in Australia.
Did your Uncle have a will? Or does his estate just split between his heirs? If your Uncle had a will and intended you to receive part of his estate, I would want to respect my Uncle’s wishes.