Post # 1
Well, last week I finally told my family that I am pregnant. They’re all very excited and happy about it and already making plans about coming to visit when the baby is born, by the way, my family lives abroad. I have no problem with that, I love my family, however…I can’t stand my dad’s wife. It’s a long complicated story that involves cheating, lies, etc. The point is that I don’t want that woman in my house, near my family, I especially don’t want her near my baby.
How can I politely tell my father he can come visit but to leave his wife at home? My dad and I don’t have the best relationship. Letely, he’s wanted to change this, but because of a lot of things from the past, I’m being very careful. I really don’t want to damage the small progress we’ve had the last months, but I suspect he will get offended if I tell him I don’t want that woman here. What should I do?
Post # 3
hmmm, I’m not sure that you can say that! It’s his wife, and you kind of have to deal with her. You can ask them to stay in a hotel or whatever, and not the house and I think that is ok, but asking him to come without his wife would probably really piss him off! I’m sorry, because I do understand as I really hate my dad’s second wife as well, but unfortunately I think we’re stuck with them. They also live abroad which is good because it means I hardly see her! If I could I wouldn’t invite her to my wedding, but there’s no way I can say that so she’ll be there and unfortunately I think you’ll just have to put up with her if your dad visits. 🙁
Post # 4
You do what’s right for you and your family–your husband and your baby.
You’re going to hear that she’s family, and you have to put up with it, etc. That’s not true. There are a lot of shitty things about being an adult–sixty hour work weeks, taxes, mortgages, car payments, bills, sagging tits, cervical biopsies. One of the benefits is that you have a say over the people in your life. I don’t know what your history with this woman is or what she’s done to you, but you don’t have to have her in your life just because she’s married to your father. And that’s your decision.
It may come with consequences; it may damage the relationship with your father you’ve been building. But you do have the right to say, “I don’t want this person in my life or my child’s life.”
I think the best thing to do is be honest, tell your father you like the progress that your relationship has been making, but you don’t think this is the time or place to work through your issues with his wife. (And it’s not… sore, sleep deprived, overflowing with hormones, all the changes that having a new baby brings. You need to be focused on yourself and your new family, not old wounds and old drama.)