(Closed) Family and Friends Rudeness Over Hyphenation

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What?! That is really strange that everyone is so against it. Who cares, really? Its not affecting them. Especially your coworkers – good grief!! I would be really annoyed about ILs insisting on writing your name incorrectly on things. So passive aggressive. Who knew little things could be such a big deal to some people.

Post # 5
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I personally don’t like it. For my own life and my own relationship, something like this wouldn’t work. It’s not true to who we are as a couple. I also don’t like when women keep their own name as it feels like a division in the family unit to me. HOWEVER it’s none of my business and I’d never actually say anything to anyone about their own choice.

If it doesn’t impact my life or my FI’s life, then I don’t really care and I don’t get involved. I can understand how the “critics” feel but they should keep their opinions to themselves so long as you and your partner are good with the decision.  

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Take a breath.  You married your best friend.  That said… the name change thing is a tradition that the majority of people are familiar with.  YOU have to be patient and give them some time .. or you can be that  bi–h that refused to change her name and blah blah blah blah. They are of a differnt generation.. it’s not right to judge them, you just got married give it some time.  Like you said … your the first.  Did you think they would fall at your feet over this?  

Think of it as paving the way for the future generations and all the possiblities ..

Post # 7
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

People will always have trouble adjusting to new last names.

In our case, my FI will be changing his name to mine. So I’ll have the same name, but his will be different. We’ll be “The Mylastnames”

People are going to have difficulty with this… I just know it. I’m sure I’m going to be called “Mrs. Hislastname” a thousand times. Things are going to come in the mail addressed to “The Hislastnames.”

Who cares? It’s such a small deal. Whether they’ll be doing that by accident (most likely in most cases) or because they don’t like what we did (maybe the occasional brat), I really do NOT care and I’m not going to get upset about it. Our last name is what it is and I know it breaks convention. Over time, people will get used to our last name and of course new people we meet will only know us by our last name (The Mylastnames). It will become more and more of a non-issue over time… but I’m giving it a head start by not caring if people make mistakes in the first place.

Post # 8
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

I’m a bastard child and Puerto Rican, so I already have a hyphenated name. I usually just use my father’s name though. When I get married, I will be dropping my mom’s last name and hyphenating. My father raised me, and I think it is important to keep his name. 

Post # 9
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Don’t worry about it. In my area, women almost always hyphenate and I think I’m the only one of my friends who fully changed their last name to their husbands. I had comments from family and friends that I am abandoning my own family name. I can tell you that 6 months after the wedding everyone will be used to it and won’t care one way or the other.

Post # 10
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@joya_aspera:  That’s pretty interesting… do you mind my asking what made him/you decide he would be taking your last name? I’ve never heard of that before.

Post # 11
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Stick to your guns. It will pass. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@joya_aspera:  That is so interesting! May I ask how you came to this decision?

Post # 13
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@BetterSherm:  I am not a fan of hyphenated names personally, but I am surprised so many people are actually saying this to you. How strange. I am sure it will pass!!

Post # 15
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

@Baroness_Meg:  I’m very attached to my last name and he’s not especially attached to his.

My last name is already not the last name I was born with… it’s that of my step-dad and step-family who raised me… 100% as one of their own, and I do mean the whole family…an incredible family. Even though we didn’t share a drop of blood in common (a fact I was not really conscious of as a kid, I was that included), they nurtured me and guided me as an integral and undisputable family member.

I’m honored to be a part of that family, and to give that name to the new family my FI are making now 🙂

Post # 16
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@BetterSherm:  I would likely act as immature as them and not answer then until they addressed me properly. I do not advise this however. Lol. My mom was hypenated and she would correct anyone if they called her Mrs. Hislastname. After they divorced she went back to her maiden name. Occasionally someone who knows me assumes we have the same last name and addresses her as such and she politely corrects then as well. 

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