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well, the invites went out on 8-22, and the rsvp cards are arriving. I am so surprised how people are behaving because their children are not invited as well. Rediculous!! I put we have reserved this many seats in you honor on the rsvp's, and addressed the invited with first names. I actually recieved an rsvp today that said...If my children are not welcome, neither am I, and they checked declined. Seriously?? Oh hello wedding chaos...
@DiyBlondie: don't worry about it. Honestly, people like that aren't worth having as your guests anyway. I find it humorous that people can't bear a night away from thei children so they can have a nice adult evening with their spouse.
Honestly, I think that children should definitely be invited, only because if I was
invited somewhere when my kids were younger, I had to take them. Especially if
this is family. My opinion only. Kids are what makes life worth living. I would be
offended also, but like I said My Opinion Only.
Everyone on this earth is different and will have different opinions. If you put it out there that this is how many seats that are reserved, well then the ones that will give an attitude will just have to deal I guess. Don't let it stress you out. It is your day, and you want it the way you want it. But you have to put yourself in "their" shoes also to understand where they are coming from.
Unfortuntately, a lot of bees experience backlash about this topic. Stick to your guns, and if they don't want to come, then that's their choice
Oh that sucks! This does seem to be a controversial issue for sure. I have struggled with this too-especially not having the FG and RB invited to the reception. Perhaps if you choose to talk about this with those irritated guests, you could mention your reasoning behind not having kids at the reception. Our reasons include that there will be drinking at the reception and that we don't feel it is an appropriate environment for kids and also that we have a really tight budget and can't afford to invite all the little ones.
Good luck!
We didn't invite children to our wedding and DH's sister refused to come and we even offered to provide childcare for them.
Some people are just like that and they simply forget that even though they got invited, the day is NOT about them.
Stick to your guns and if you need to, write a script for when/if you have to make phones calls.
Sorry that the invitation wasn't clear, but we are unable to accomodate the kiddos.. We hope that you can still come and celebrate the day with us..... (yes) Great we looking forward to seeing you and SO's name there... (no) Aww, I'm sorry, well you will definitely be missed.
If you're still worried that some may not comply, you could always see about getting an extra room and setting up childcare so that the kiddos could be there. We had planned this and were gonna have someone make a McDonald's run if neccessary... nothing to freak out about but a just incase... I know for me, there was NO way that I was okay have kids at the ceremony and we just didn't have table room at the reception so I was happy with this back up plan.
Goodluck and don't let the crazies get to ya ;)
Wow if these people dont care enough about you to spend a single night away from their precious snowflakes (hire a sitter! its not that hard!) in honor of your wedding than dont be sorry you wont have them there. You should only want people who really care about you and are there for you to be present at your wedding. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a nice adult-only celebration. A wedding/reception is not any small childs idea of a good time anyway. In fact my aunt and uncle begged me to make my event child free so they wouldnt get stuck babysitting their grandkids again instead of enjoying the party. I did, and everyone had a great time. I understand people love their kids but I can only shake my head at parents who cant spend a single evening away from them for something as important as a wedding.
people that give you grief about not inviting their children are rude - if you have child minding issues then decline with good grace and shut the f*** up about it i say
@Annabelle86: I don't have children so I suppose I am bias, but wouldn't spending every waking moment with your kids be unhealthy? I would think that having a babysitter allows social and growing opportunities for both parent and child would be refreshing for both.
@eloping: I agree. I don't have kids but if I did and I really couldn't be separated from them I would just decline, not leave a stupid little jab to make the couple feel bad.
I put on my invitations "Adults Only." Yes, children are important, but really? One grown-up night away from them is too much to ask? WTH? What kind of role model are those parents when they have no lives apart from their children? Seriously? My friends are stoked to have a night out with each other to celebrate with me.
You are 100% correct. Ive worked as a teacher for 3 years and I always know the kids that have been tied to mommys apron strings from day one. They cried about every single change, from switching crayon colors to putting materials for one subject away and getting out another, they are developmentally stunted in that they could not do anything for themselves that other kids in the class could do, they had trouble socializing and needed far more help and personal attention than any other kids. These kids were usually, if not always, the children of the classroom mothers and the mothers who would come in at lunch to feed their children and wipe their hands etc. They also always had the most difficulty being away from their mothers during the day and it caused a lot of temper tantrums and emotional distress. I get frustrated with mothers who have to hold their kids hands 24/7, its not good for them!
@Carolyn72: I have to agree here... children are the most fun and entertaining at weddings to me!
As for the people not being able to spend one night apart from their kids.. I am quite sure that is not where this backlash is coming from. I love spending time alone with FI. HOWEVER, (especially related to family but not confined to them) to be told that you are welcome but your child is not is similar to how you would feel if you were invited to a wedding but your husband was not. You are family, my children are my family. I would not attend a wedding where my children were not invited unless I was IN the wedding. The same goes for FI. I still find it strange how brides don't expect people to react this way. NO, it is not about the guest.. but brides do put a lot into making their guests comfortable don't they? As a good host they absolutely should! Weddings are not ABOUT anyone, it is a celebration of love and commitment. That being said, those responses carry a lot of merit seeing that you invited them but they don't feel welcomed.
@Carolyn72:Kids are what makes life worth living
Maybe to some, but not everyone. Not everything that you do in a day is child friendly, so it shouldn't surprise people that not every single event is child friendly either. Brides shouldn't be made to feel bad because they don't want kids there, and parents shouldn't take offense to it. You have no idea what their reasons are, and its their wedding, they can invite who they want.
@MrsSl82be: No, we don't know what their reasons are. But you cant really tell parents how to react either.
Fiance and I are planning to have no children at the wedding as well. Because of this my family thinks I am mean and hate kids. Not true, just want the adults to have a fun night out, with no interruptions by the munchkins. I am sure we will have to deal with some backlash, and a few no's because of it but the party will go on with or without those guests. I say stick to your guns and enjoy your wedding with the guests that want to be there for you and your fiance.
i just went to a wedding where children were welcome and still chose to leave my kids with a sitter to enjoy the time with my honey:) we're having our wedding on his parents acreage with a bonfire and camping that night so we're letting people bring their kids. if i was having my wedding at an actual venue, i wouldn't be inviting children. its your wedding. to each their own sister!
to be told that you are welcome but your child is not is similar to how you would feel if you were invited to a wedding but your husband was not.
thats ridiculous - there is absolutely nothing wrong with having an adult only function.
children are not required to be thrust upon all at every single occasion - they are the love of YOUR life but not everyone else. you say it should be about making the guest comfortable - what about those guest that want to enjoy an adult only event??
@MrsSl82be I 100% agree with you. Yes, to some people, children are definitely what makes life worth living. My one older sister is someone in that camp. However, to someone who has willingly had a hysterectomy for medical reasons and whose FI had a vasectomy, children are NOT what make my life worth living. Though I fully respect all those who have children, I choose a childless life, and frankly most young children get on my nerves.
@Annabelle86 I am also a teacher, though I teach older children (middle school and above...right now I'm teaching college). But I have subbed in the elementary schools in my area, and you are dead ON.
I wanted to have a no children wedding, but it was unheard of and my mother wouldnt have it. I had to go along with it. But I totally understand why you wouldnt want to. I didnt want the little terrors running around during the ceremony and dinner. I've seen then at functions, its not pretty - though I lucked out and they were good at the wedding. I understand children being your life and what not, but seriously, I cannot understand not being able to be away from them for one night for a nice peaceful adult event.
We didn't even really have to discuss it when we were first talking about our wedding. I just looked at him and said "adult's only right?" and he just gave me this look like "Why are you even asking me this qustion?" Adults only it is. Our wedding will NOT be child friendly. I'm talking raunchy drunken behaivour, music with adult content, later in the night there will be heavy metal and rap/hip hop, and a bunch of drunken cussing Newphies, and all under the umbrella of Black-tie invited formal wear. No children need to be there. We don't feel the least bit guilty about it. We don't plan on having kids and we want to celebrate our wedding the way we live our life. Tons of food, boosze, music, family, friends and child free.
@eloping: I dont think that I stated that anyone was the love of my life. They are my family. If my family is not welcomed I don't feel welcomed. It doesnt take a biochemist to understand that notion. Everyone is entiteled to their own opinion and thus brides should not be surprised when they offend guests by not welcoming their family. It is similar to not inviting your husband because he is also family.
Our wedding will be child-free too, however we will probably offer a baby sitting service depending on where the reception will be held.
It is good for adults to have a night away from their children. If you can't be away from your children then politely decline.
I think we all need to agree to disagree on this one. When children are involved, the situation becomes very sticky.
We offered child care at our reception so I wouldn't have to deal with this.
Personally, I don't know if I'll have children, but I'm leaning more towards not. And I don't want to get all dressed up and plan on having a relaxing night out with my husband, and then suddenly have to watch my language, not have a second drink, or deal with someone's precious angel run around, get into things, and then get screamed at by their parents. Nooooooooo thank you.
And Mrs. Nuetrino, I think your point of view is interesting and I don't have children, but I sincerely doubt that I would consider my children on par with my husband. Pretty big power differential there.
This was my fiance's oldest sister, her kids are 24, 17, and 10. lol My fiance has five sisters who all have children. It was an all or nothing deal, so we did not invite any of his neices or nephews. Way to many people!! We are having a very small wedding (only invited 60), and decided no children except ours. We have a son and a daughter, who are our ring bearer and flower girl. It just stinks because now my fiance's Dad is fighting with us. My fiance told his Dad, if you want extra people invited, then you will have to pay for them. lol So, his Father backed off. I love my Hubby to be:) He said....she obviously doesn't care about us, or our wedding. She just wanted the free meal. Oh well, thanks for the support bee's:)!!!!
If my husband didnt know how to behave himself at a formal affair and ran around wildly demanding attention I wouldnt blame people for not wanting to invite him. They arent saying that your kids arent welcome because they are disliked or anything, its simply not a kid-friendly event. Its perfectly healthy for a parent to attend adult-only events and it doesnt reflect on anybodys opinion of your children. These parents are taking this too personally when its perfectly normal to have a formal event be childfree, its just no place for them and I am quite sure the kiddies will survive.
I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however I don't think it is necessary to reply with a rude comment. If people have decided not to come because their children are not invited then they simply need to check the decline box and wish the couple well.
@MissHelen: you never know until you get there :) If you get there, your opinion might change. Don't get me wrong, I know kids are snotty and rude and nuts. ESPECIALLY kids that have no training. For me it is not spending time alone with FI, its about a simple courtesy. Do I think I would leave my daughter at the sitter sometimes when she is invited to the wedding? Absolutely. Others may feel differently. But that is the issue for me. The courtesy and the welcome. I also know that if I left my daughter at a sitter I would also throw more money into the gift because she was actually invited. But thats just me! You know what they say about opinions ;-)
I agree with MissHelen and Annabelle86, children are most definitely family, but they are not adults. Plus they get tired and grumpy a lot quicker than adults do.
@Annabelle86: If the bride didn't want your unruly husband at her event hopefully she wouldn't insult you by inviting ONLY you. I agree that it is healthy to attent adult only events but I don' think that the parents are taking it too personally. It is personal. The kids will survive ofcourse and so will the parents and so will the bride and groom when those people don't come. People make decisions that are right for their family. I just find it strange that brides are surprised at the reactions by parents.
@Vitafilm: agreed
what ever happened to adults wanting to go out without the kids? i would have thought they would have welcomed the chance. i also wonder if its because familes these day dont seem to have the extended support of family. when my sisters children were babies there were multiple grandparents, aunts, uncles available to take care of them, fighting to have them even but these days people seem to be able to rely on only few people to care/trust their children with
@MrsNeutrino: I guess we are surprised why you don't understand us!! It just makes no sense to me that you HAVE to invite children to a wedding. We are going to have to agree to disagree, because I honestly can't make sense of what you are saying
I should not have worded it children, like only small children. My fiances five sisters have many children ranging from 2 years to 30 years old, and we did not invite any of them. Same thing with Aunts and uncles invited, but not cousins. We are paying for it all ourselves, and it would be just to much! Especially with his sisters if one sisters adult child was invited, then we would never hear the end of it from the sisters with younger children. Again we felt all or nothing was best. Tough stuff!!
I have no issue with 'no kids' weddings.
I do have a huge issue with inviting one adult and not a guest to come with them
I don't even know if these opinions are in synch with each other.
lol I dont know either but I think I agree with you (at least if the single adult doesnt know anyone else there)
I am not a fan of kids at weddings period but I've noticed that kids are more frequently not welcome at the reception but they are at the ceremony. This confused the heck out of me because I would rather the kids stay home for the ceremony instead of having a temper tantrum in the middle of our vows, vs. running around at the reception where it is loud and there a number of adults to look after him or her. I have yet to figure this out. We are providing a sitter for the children at the ceremony but letting them attend the reception out of courtesy for OOT guests, not because I want to.
i have been invited to a wedding without my spouse - yes i was a bit pissed but for the friendship and my care for my friend i kept my mouth shut and went and still had a great time. just because she has a moment of bad manners didnt mean i had to respond by being rude and snarky, it wasnt the end of the world
The real issue here is the appalling lack of good ettiquette in the rsvp.
People are free to invite whomever they want to their wedding. If they decide they want an adult affair, they are entitled to do so.
If you do not want to attend without your children, you are entitled to decline. There is no need to be snarky and write"...If my children are not welcome, neither am I...".
There will be many occasions in life when parents are invited to events without their children. There will even be events to which you will be invited without your FI, SO or DH. If you don't want to attend, the answer is simple- don't attend. But show some grace and good upbringing. Politely decline and wish them well.
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