Post # 1
This has gotten under my skin and the only real place I know to vent is here.
My fiance and I have put off our wedding date, not because of cost or anything but because of the unrelenting stress the family has put us in. When I was first engaged, my family mentioned a small wedding. I was ok with that but when my mother’s side brought their list it is WAY too long and yet these are family members who we are close to. Both my fiance and I have large families so we decided to make the wedding a bit bigger. We were happy to do this, he and I are the ones paying for everything. My dad is only paying for my gown. So, my mom’s side found out about the wedding guest size and they went on and on about how big it was. The thing is, the majority of the guests are on that side! They have been stating that certain members from my fiance or my dad’s side should not go. How rude!
Also, they assume because we are young (in our early 20s) that we are having a small and cheap wedding. That is not the case because we CAN afford the wedding we want. We have done research and price comparison and the wedding we envisioned is very possible. Yet, my grandmother has said “Well, have only family at the wedding, it is cheaper” Here is the thing MOST OF THE WEDDING GUESTS ARE FAMILY MEMBERS! No one except my fiance and I know the wedding budget.Only five of our mutual friends are going! With that I have so many girls freaking out about not being bridesmaids and I am getting so stressed out about it.
So, my fiance and I have decided to put the wedding off and carefully plan by ourselves everything for our wedding. So, instead of planning a year in advance we are planning the wedding 16 months (probably) from now. We are kind of keeping wedding plans underwraps because we are so sick of haters. I am getting to the point that I don’t care anymore if my mom or grandmother get upset because they are not part of my wedding plans but seeing how we are not seeing eye to eye about things, I do not care any longer. They are the only people who have made problems about the wedding and I am getting sick of it.
Post # 3
I am sooo sorry you are going through that!!! Because you and your Fiance ARE paying for the wedding, it is the two of you who get to make the decisions. Your mother and your grandmother only get to provide input if they are paying!! And I am saying that as a mother (and grandmother). My husband and I paid for our daughter’s wedding last year, I asked her what she wanted, and what her (and his ) priorities were, and I made it happen on my dime. I made suggestions, based on knowing them and listening to what they wanted. There were probably things I would have done differently if I was the bride, but ya know what, I had enough respect that it was THEIR wedding day and not mine. And I wanted them to be happy with their wedding day. I wish other parents could do the same. Best Wishes to you.
Post # 4
I think you are being smart to keep the details to yourselves. When you do share your plans and members of the family make comments, just say “I’ll keep that in mind,” and then go ahead with your plans. The bottom line is that you have the wedding you want.
I’m sorry you have to put up with this negativity, but I can imagine your wedding will be lovely and just what ymakes you and your Fiance happy.
Post # 5
can you just tell them you are putting it off and plan secretly to have it for your original date? I know things are going bad right now but sometimes pushing the date back will make the bad things just hang around longer.
Post # 6
I think if they dare to suggest other guests who shouldn’t be invited, you could shut them up by saying if they aren’t careful with their rude remarks you’ll give [your mother/grandmother’s] seat to [the guest they are suggesting doesn’t come]. It is incredibly RUDE that they even suggest whom you should invite to your wedding! Saying that out loud whenever they broach the subject might shut them up (at least in front of you). Something like “Don’t you think you’re being rude to suggest who I should invite to the wedding I am paying for?” I don’t think they’ll have a response to that. You can always use that same template for anything they bring up that bothers you like “Don’t you think you’re being rude by telling me you don’t like my dress?” or “Don’t you think you’re being rude telling me you don’t like my flowers?” At least it will give them a heads up when they are stepping over the line with you.
Post # 7
Sorry you are going through this. Fiance and I were engaged June 09 and we didn’t announce to anyone until December after we figured out the big stuff like the venue, guest list, bridal party, and such.
Since we are paying, we are having the wedding we want. My family is upset that the wedding isn’t in NC but I am not from NC and I have always wanted to get married in Sonoma so that is where I am having it. I told them if they want a wedding in NC they can pay for one there and we will attend but our actual wedding will be in Sonoma end of story.
I say all that to say you will be doing a very smart thing if you keep things quiet and just do what makes you happy. That way no one has to put their little 2 cents in everything.
Post # 8
I would say, it is ultimately your decision to have the wedding you want because YOU are PAYING for it. Why have a wedding you don’t want? it’s your money…My husband and I paid for our wedding and at times both families would “invite” people but ultimately WE sent out the invites…if people didn’t get them, they weren’t invited. And guess what? both families had to shut up because they weren’t paying. I only used our parents lists as suggestions…not definites…and we certainly got to invite our close friends over several family members who we hadn’t spoken to in awhile. So I would say again…YOU ARE PAYING for this wedding. Don’t back down because your mother gets into a little huff.
Post # 9
My Wedding Motto: People who don’t pay do not get a say!!