Post # 1
I am so mad at my parents right now I could just scream. They have been everything but supportive of this wedding from day one. i’m sure without going into the full story of how they have been absolutely momzilla and sisterzilla, you can just read posts I’ve already written. Well I am 54 days away from the wedding and my MIL keeps asking me about what my mom wants to do about hiring a decorator. We already met with her (my mom’s first meeting ever since we started this whole thing. Wait I take that back. She met the photographer but to share with her stories and pictures of my nephews and talk with her assistant about her PT Cruiser instead of watch my bridal portraits). I asked my mom today what they wanted to do about decorating bc we needed to book these ladies bc time was running out (we have to hire someone to decorate bc our pavilion is outdoors, has very little outlets, and enormous ceilings with little light and we can’t get in until the day of and have to be out and everything cleaned by 11pm the same night). Well my MIL originally said she was going to pay for it when my mom was very absent in planning and kept saying she was only giving me $500. Then when I didnt get upset bc she wasn’t helping with planning or finances, she decided she wanted to help and then became the momzilla from hell. she booked all these vendors (minus the decorator) and anytime I would go against her plans, she’d pull out And say she wasn’t paying. I’ve paid so far on my own for my dress, alterations, portraits, flowers, plus my venue. My MIL is helping with catering and my mom has the nerve to ask them to reconsider the menu that my FIL was going to cook. Then my MIL wanted to rent out a cottage on the Venue’s land bc she has an ill mother. My mom said she’d go in half on it. I didn’t know she offered that assistance bc she thought my MIL was going to pay for decorating. Then when I spoke with her today she said she would pay for half the catering, the DJ, and decorations. I was to pay for the rest. I’m infuriated bc my photographer is expensive as hell and I didn’t pick her, my mom did. Then she said she wasn’t paying for the chair rentals, the cross (which she asked my FIL to build). it’s like my college all over again. All this time I was in school thinking my mom was paying for college and they just signed my name on student loans. now they hired all these vendors and plan on leaving me the bill for it. There’s no way I can raise $3300 in 54 days. I dont know what my mom’s problem is and why she thinks my FIL’s should pay for this wedding. They only offered to help bc my parents were absent and I was stressed. I can’t ask them to pay for this wedding. I’m at a loss here and highly stressed. I think I should have just put that song in the ceremony like she said and called it a day but bc my fiancé said no, all hell’s Broke loose
Post # 3
@born2teachuga: This is just my opinion, but I don’t think that anyone should ever expect other people to pay for their weddings. If you are old enough to get married you are old enough to pay for it. And, when someone does contribute financially for better or worse it does give them a say in what happens.
Frankly, I think that you just need to pull away from all of this and have a small, drama-free wedding that you can afford on your own. No, it may not be a fairytale day, but the morning after you will be just as married as you would have been had you splurged with your money and everyone else’s.
Tell your mom your sorry that there has been some miscommunication when it comes to money, thank your in-laws for their offers to help, and sit down with your fiance and figure out how you can have a simple, affordable, and special day on your own.
Post # 4
@BuBuBubbles: +1 on the pull back and drama free wedding plan.
It seems like your mom mislead you and now has left you high and dry and I’m sorry your in this situation. I don’t even know what I would do.
Post # 5
@BuBuBubbles: it doesn’t sound like she expected it, but that her mom offered to help then changed her mind 🙁
@born2teachuga: I think you need to take back control of your wedding, cut costs where you can, borrow money from your inlaws if you must, and I think you need to have a serious convo with your mom. I wonder if she’s just doing this to piss you off since you won’t play her song but really intends to pay
Post # 6
@born2teachuga: I’m sorry you’re going through this, but at this point if you can’t come up with the remaining amount is there any way you can simply cut back on the wedding to afford this wedding on your own?
Post # 7
@born2teachuga: unless the money is in your hand, i would never rely on anyone to pay for any part of the wedding. this seems to happen all of the time.
it’s time to sit down and go through the budget and see where you can cut. what have you booked, what can you cancel or scale back on? i’m sure the invites are out now so cutting back on the guest list is impossible. the other option is to postpone your honeymoon if that is not already booked.
take control of the finances. talk to your mother and fmil and see how much they are truly contributing. whatever they agree to, have them write you a cheque now and so that the money is in the wedding account. you can then ensure that the vendors are paid and manage the budget yourself.
Post # 8
It’s hard to say with my family whether this is just a ploy from my mom or what. She’s narcissistic and tends to get me to my boiling point. I only had a wedding bc she complained she never got to see my other 2 sisters get married. I think my mom is just jealous of my relationship with my FILs. I have just had the most exhausting nightmare with planning this wedding. She goes back and forth with being on board. She hired all these vendors and we’ve done everything according to etiquette and tradition. She wouldn’t go with me to get my dress and when she saw me she said “ehh it’s alright.” I invited her to go dress shopping for her MOB dress and she said sure. Then out of no where she texts me to say she just bought it. Then my FMIL bought hers and my mom said she thinks hers is prettier than hers and just goes to show how she’s trying to make this too elegant of a wedding. I know our guest list is bigger than we would have liked and I think that bc of that, that’s why my FIL’s helped with catering. I just can’t figure out my mom’s issues. I think it’s bc we’re not listening to all of her ideas, but I’m compromising and when I do take her ideas, she goes back on them and changes and adds another idea. she can’t stay focused. This was why we wanted to hire ppl. She was upset we weren’t getting married in a church and asked if we could have at least a cross instead of an arch. I said absolutely that would be gorgeous. My Future Father in law offered to build it, but the lady that we hired to decorate had one to rent that would be cheaper to rent than build. Then my mom puts in her quote of what she’ll spend on decorating that she’ll pay for everything but the rental of the cross and see if the FIL will pay for it. Where can I figure out how to compromise? I have spread myself so thin and I would have freaking eloped if I knew my family would have caused this much stress. My sisters were so smart.
Post # 9
@born2teachuga: OK – cutting your parents his and parents out of it completely RIGHT NOW – as in do not ask them for any more input or advice, to tag along on an errand or anything – what are your money options right now?
Do you have savings?
Do you have something you can sell?
You’re getting suffocated in these little squabbles, inconsistencies, but you need to look at the big pciture on what you and your FI ALONE can do to create a plan from here on out. Focus on that, not the other details. You just may have to do without certain things (like hiring a decorator!).