Post # 1
Ok, 11 weeks out from my wedding and I’m having dramas with my sister and parents, needless to say I’m feeling pretty upset/crazy right now.
My sister (I only have one) is the MOH, my best friend is the BM. My sister has only offered to help out on 1 thing to do with the wedding, in the 18months I’ve been engaged, my BM keeps offering her services even though she is currently 34 weeks pregnant.
My parents travel around throughout the year and have just come back home and had dinner with my sister last night, my sister invited me at the last minute and I told her that me and FH would be happy to come, to which she turned around and told me actually she just meant me, she didn’t have enough food for FH too and if he was going to come he had to bring his own everything. I would never invite her to a dinner and not want her boyfriend to come, or make him bring all his food. My parents didn’t see anything wrong with it, they keep telling me I’m ‘over reacting’ and that it’s not my sisters fault that I feel the way I feel, that I’m just under wedding stress. Would that it were that, but she has been so selfish in so many ways the past few years, but especially this year. But they just can’t see that for some reason.
Also, my Dad asked me ‘what do you mean you still have so many things to do for the wedding?’ and when I gave him an example on preparing the centerpieces he asked ‘well why don’t you just use the venue’s?’ I told him it would cost an extra $300 that is not in our budget and he said ‘Oh I see how it is’ (my Dad used to make regular jibs that I’m a tight-arse and all about the money, and would save a penny wherever I could) I asked him what he meant by that and he said ‘just forget it’. I told him the wedding is costing us quite a lot and we are saving money where we can.
It just feels like I am getting 0 support here …. do you think I am just being a ‘bridezilla’ and expecting too much, or do you think my family is being unfair?
Post # 3
Sorry but your sister sounds like a b!Tch! Id be cannonballing her to the curb and having your bf as the moh.
Doesnt sound like nerves, sounds like youre being sensible and levelheaded and having to deal with a few idiots.
i have a painful sister who i havent spoken to in nearly 3 years. Can choose your friends But not family….
Post # 4
@amyinbrisbane: I honestly don’t see a connection between your sister (MOH) offering to do anything and your pregnant BM who is all to happy to accommidate you in whatever way she can or how any of that coincides with a misunderstood invite, where she invited you to dinner…but not your FI and we all melt down to a clandestine conversation with your Dad about centerpieces and his alleged tight wad status….
Either way, you are allowed to feel any way you feel, and being overwhelmed before a wedding is totally understandable….this is all a case of biting off more than you could chew and learning the lesson a lot of brides end up finding out the hard way:
When it comes to weddings, you’re going to get a lot of offers for help and assistance and company, but when the rubber hits the road, no one cares about this day as much as you do, so the ones that follow through are few and far between.
Take a big step back, turn off your cell phone and delcare a Wedding Free Zone in your house for a day and get back to doing things that aren’t about centerpieces or favors or fittings…watch some scary movies, eat fondue, get some new nail polish and try out that bubble bath collecting dust on the shelf…you need a break lady!
Post # 5
@amyinbrisbane: I don’t get it. Are you incapable of having a meal with your family without your fiance ONCE? You blew that completely out of proportion. Tell your fiance you’re going to your sister’s house to have dinner with your parents and you’ll be back later.
Your pregnant bridesmaid is more invested in your wedding than your sister is. I don’t see the problem. So long as your sister shows up wearing whatever you’ve asked, she’s done her job.
I’m going to call this wedding stress and you need a weekend to do nothing but go to a spa, get a massage and NOT do anything wedding related.
Post # 6
@DJones69: I disagree with this, as her future husband, her fiancé IS her family now and should have been included. My fiancé is my family and I wouldn’t attend family functions if he wasn’t invited. Her sister was beyond rude. I would have declined the invite.
Post # 7
@amyinbrisbane: I just think you’re a bride who feels like other people should be ask concerned with you big day as you are, and that unfortunately will never be the reality of life.
I don’t think you are being a bridezilla, but I do think your stress is seeing things through red colored lenses.
If you want your sisters help, don’t expect her to come to you (not that it wouldn’t be nice). Ask her directly.
As for the food, I doubt she would have done it if their were a way around it, but if he hadn’t cooked enough food, what was she supposed to do? Idk, my family is pretty relaxed though, so this wouldn’t really be that big of a deal to any of us.
I think you need a pedicure and a glass of wine 🙂 (then again, so do I! I’m 2 weeks out!)
Post # 8
sorry if my comments are out of whack with the others but my own experiences with my sister may have me in coloured lenses.
ive seen too many times family members given roles at weddings simply because its the right thing to do, and those who do care and put in the time to help make the day special are shunned by the one/s with the higher position in the party.
as for the dinner, i guess our families are too laid back as well? They would never not expect both of us and if there was an issue of not enough food it just wouldnt be an issue – a solution would be found.
though my SIL is a pain in a similar way…she forgets that most times my SO and i are joined at the hip with our kidlets in tow, we work together and play together….but thats a whole other kettle of fish…jealousy is a curse 🙁 I wont get started on her and life on the farm and roles on the farm and the rest of the dramas we all have with her!!!
Post # 9
@TattedNYBride: Sorry, but he becomes family when they get married. Fiance isn’t a legal term and even by your standard… she can’t go to dinner without her husband EVER? Do you plan to do EVERYTHING with your husband? Don’t answer that.
Post # 10
Any chance that your sis just thought your FH would feel like a fifth wheel at your family dinner and that’s why she didn’t expect him to come?
Post # 11
@DJones69: maybe that’s how you view it, but as far as I’m concerned, my fiancé is my family, and if you let a piece of paper define that for you, that’s your choice. We live together, share a life together, and I expect invitations, especially from family, to include both of us. Luckily, both of our families feel the same way and we include each other in everything as family.
Post # 12
@DJones69: obviously if it’s a night with girlfriends or just the guys, that’s different. But for anything else, we’re a unit and yes, we do things together.
Post # 13
I don’t think you are overracting at all, you have valid points and who isnt trying to save where they can? Weddings are a fortune! your budget can only stretch so far. Your sisters response was quite rude, you are engaged to be married not bringing home a new boyfriend.
Post # 14
@amyinbrisbane: Please don’t take what I say the wrong way. This is YOUR wedding. It is great that your BM has been so helpful while pregnant, but just be grateful (and I know you are) for whatever extra help you get. Your sister is not required to help, but it would be nice! And I understand 100 % because my sister has not been helpful LoL.
As for the dinner at your sister’s house, that is just plain rude and tacky. I disagree with DJones. It is completely out of line to think that her sister’s FH would not be coming to dinner, like the other Bee said, her FI is her family now.
It is not wedding stress related, you are just dealing with some inconsiderate people who happen to be family.
Don’t stress and let this crap bother you. You only get one day, make the best of it and this crap tht happens, pay no mind to it! Keep smiling and happy planning!
Post # 15
Hi ladies, thanks for your responses. Unfortunately I don’t know how to reply to more than one person in the same reply so can’t do individual replies.
I definitely think I’m stressing a lot more than usual with the wedding so close, but I also think that my sister is very selfish and has been for a long time, even before we were engaged.
I have been to countless dinners with just her and my parents, without my fiance. Maybe that’s why she thought it would be just me again.
Yep, my original post lacked flow or ‘link ups’, but I didn’t want to write forever or no-one would have read it, and I was quite upset at the point of writing. My Dad ended up calling and we had a huge fight, where he said I expected ‘everyone to do everything’ and that we should just bite the bullet and spend more money so as not to annoy people by asking them for favours. He said I demanded people to do things. This is not true by any means (obviously you can take my words with a grain of salt, but I know how I approached people and I don’t expect anyone to do anything, I ask nicely. My Dad was never there at the time of me asking anyone for help). I have done 90% of this wedding planning myself so his comments hurt. I ended up crying on the phone, my FH took the phone off me and hung up on my Dad, then called him back and told him he had upset me and I would call him back when I was more composed. I ended up making up with my parents.
Fair point if I want my sister’s help I should ask her, but I’m not sure if I will. I did ask if her boyfriend could either film our ceremony with our video camera, or run the centerpieces into the venue on the morning of, but she declined both of those things on his behalf.
Post # 16
@amyinbrisbane: sounds to me like your sister has been moaning to daddy.