(Closed) family contributions

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Who are the people on his guest list?  I would be more inclined to make up the difference myself rather than cutting the list if it’s family and close friends vs. acquaintances.

Also, is it the case that your parents willing and able to pay for the wedding, but you don’t want them to have to?  Or are there financial limitations here?

I honestly have no idea how our guest list breaks down in terms of my guests, his guests, my parents’ guests, and his parents’ guests – we didn’t run into this problem.

Post # 5
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

i know what you are talking about, my guest list is 20 and his is 120, but yet im paying for 3/4 of the wedding myself.

Post # 6
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Well if your FI is adamant then he can foot the bill for his guests..

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think if your Fi doesn’t want to ask his mom that you have to back his choice. But he also has to scale his guestlist way back. Perhaps you two should start saving and working on a budget you can afford because you also seem uncomfortable about your parents contributing so much to your wedding also.

Post # 8
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well his mom isn’t under any obligation to help pay for the wedding.  So if she hasn’t offered and he doesn’t want to ask then that’s the end of that matter.

If you feel the guest list is lopsided, then talk to your FI about it.  Figure out how many people you want to invite total (or how many your parents will pay for), and then divide up the guest list from there: 1/3 your family, 1/3 his family, 1/3 friends.  If he wants to have more people than you and he can discuss how you are going to pay for them.  And maybe that means you and our FI paying for those additional guests if your parents can’t or won’t cover them.  Or maybe that means you give up some of your spots.

 

Post # 9
Member
12827 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If he doesn’t want to ask his mother, and she hasn’t offered, you shouldn’t pester him about it.  No one is obligated to pay for a wedding except for you and your FI.  Cut the guest list, if needed.

Post # 10
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

@bridepwning:  I don’t think you’re obligated to invite ANYONE who you don’t actually want at your wedding. If I were you, I’d pick a size-limited venue, or just tell people that your guest list was limited by the venue and space considerations. I’ve heard there’s a rule that you can use – 25% bride’s family & family-friends, 25% grooms family and family-friends, 25% bride’s friends, 25% grooms friends. Maybe you can coax him towards a more equitable guest list distribution using that type of formula?

Post # 12
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Honestly, I’d let him know that you have to cut down (or even out) the invite list for his side.  That way it is fairer to your parents and he doesn’t have to worry about his Mother paying for anything (especially if he doesn’t WANT a bunch of those people to come anyway).  Since no one other than yourselves are obligated to pay for your wedding, I would make sure to let him know that since YOUR parents graciously offered to do so, you need to try to keep the guest list down.

Post # 13
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

In this day and age family helping out is not a given at all… If you feel badly about your parents helping either dont take the money or only take a set amount so that if you go over that on the budget you and your Fi have to cover the rest! 

I would not ask his mother though he does not want that and it is a fight better off not had… But you never know she might offer to help!

Post # 14
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry, but no one has to give you money for your wedding. If you two cannot afford a guest list that large then you two need to cut it down. It is wonderful that your parents have offered financial help, but that does not mean that your in laws have to as well.

Post # 15
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I like the even split idea, but what do you mean about “if it goes over when the RSVPs come in”?  Are you going to invite everyone currently on the list and leave the issue of who’s paying for who until later?  (If so, I can’t stress enough what a risky proposition that is.)

Post # 16
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

You should pay for it yourself. It’s great that your parents want to contribute but funding this wedding is the sole responsibility of you and your fiancé. I wouldn’t be expecting anything from my MIL if my FIL just died. Perhaps he did leave her with enough to live off of but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s on her own now and that money is going to have to last her. Frankly, I think it’s pretty selfish to expect her to use the money that her dead husband left. It’s one thing if she offers financial assistance but it’s an entirely different animal if you seek it out. 

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