Post # 1
I am recently engaged (this weekend!) and weve been planning our wedding for a few months. My mother and I are disagreeing about the big day. I dont want to have everyone invited to ceremony just our parents, yet still have a get together (casual!) but she feels its rude to invite ppl to a reception and not the wedding.
Post # 2
I see being invited to a reception and not the ceremony as, “Hey, you weren’t good enough to see our ceremony, now give us money and presents.”<br /><br />If this is the route you want to go, I’d have the ceremony and the “get together” on different days and make the get together as casual as possible.
Post # 3
I know someone who had an intimate destination ceremony a few hours away then came home and had their reception with family and friends. No one had an issue with it but they may have if the couple had a local ceremony and opted not to include them.
Post # 4
Hyperventilate: “Hey, you weren’t good enough to see our ceremony, now give us money and presents.” – My sentiments, sort of. Now it’s not quite that bad because the cost of hosting/feeding people at the reception usually outweighs what we get in gifts, but it is a *little* bit like that. Because many people love watching the ceremony. It depends on your guests; but if your mother feels that way, the chances are some of the guests will do.
Post # 5
I went to the reception of a friend who had a ceremony for just immediate family and bridal party the day before. I was a little sad not to see the ceremony, but I got over it and wasn’t offended. They threw afantastic reception with amazing gourmet food, so I look back on the whole thing fondly!
Post # 6
The “reception” for me would be more of a family reunion in what I really want. My Fiancee wants a pig roast, we own a 5 acre farm with log home, we just were thinking of having ppl here or a barn down the road, real low key. I see both sides but for me id rather have a private intimate moment with immediate family only at ceremony, and the true celebration and socializing with everyone at “reception”. ALL of my family lives out of state (brother in wyoming, sister/ dads side boston, parents and moms side michigan), we live in ohio, so all of our families weddings have bee super stressful with flights and hotels and entertaining ppl for few days because they are flying in. I just was hoping for a casual relaxed vibe.
Orginally I wanted a destination wedding and jsut come back and celebrate, but only reason I changed my mind is I wanted my dad to be there to hand me off and I could justify them spending the money to travel to Tahiti with us…
Post # 7
outdoorsycouple: Nope not rude at all. In fact many international weddings (UK, Europe) do this.
Post # 8
Maybe it is because I am American, but I think the ceremony is the most important part! I’ve never been invited only to the reception. It would make sense if it was a destination ceremony, but I think it would be weird if the ceremony were local.
Post # 9
Normally, it’s ceremony + reception.
But I think you get a free pass if it’s just you and both sets of parents. Your parents are really in a different, special category from your friends or cousins.
Post # 10
I feel both parts are important, but I understand the whole intimate wedding and then big party thing. I would feel the opposite of some of the PP’s…i would never think that a reception only invite is a “give me money and gifts!” cry. I think the reception is when YOU spend money on your guests. It’s thanking them for celebrating in your special day, you buy their dinner, you buy their drinks, and you provide a night of fun for them. The ceremony is all about you.
I would feel miffed if I was invited to a ceremony only and not the reception (if I knew they were having a reception). I would feel like “oh, I’m good enough to attend the ceremony and to get you a present, but not good enough to attend the party on your dime afterwards?!”
Post # 11
outdoorsycouple: I asked this very question. The answers varied and I learned that in the UK its normal to do this.
Look, if its for your parents and your bros or sisters then I don’t see the problem. I’m not sure why people get their panties in a bunch over not being invited to the ceremony. Maybe some people have stage fright and can’t imagne being in frot of 100 ppl.
I was told by countless bees that if its small and just your parents and bro/sis then its fine. People should understand and if they dont they can go cry in their beer.
Post # 12
We’re only inviting our immediate families to our ceremony (parents, siblings, siblings’ kids), but we’re having a large-ish reception a couple weeks later and it’s pretty much an open-invite type of deal. Nobody has said a word about it, and most people we know are really only interested in the reception anyway.
Our reception will be super casual (backyard with music, bonfire, food, and drinks), and it’ll be a lot of fun. Our friends know that gifts aren’t an obligation, and that we just want them to come celebrate and party with us. I don’t get a sense of “I’m not good enough to come to your reception” from anyone at all.
Post # 13
The things people will get offended by are limitless. I see nothing wrong with your idea. As PP said, it’s done inEurope.
Post # 14
I think it’s rude to only invite people to reception just as I think it is rude to only show up at the reception.
All these people are from OOT but arn’t going to the main even? I think you’re being beyond rude. You ask me to travel to a freakin BBQ bearing a gift, but I’m not good enough to be there with you for the important moment. hells no.
Post # 15
From a guest stand point, I would prioritize a ceremony over a reception. I hate hate hate when people think it’s OK to skip the ceremony and just show up to a reception because they didn’t want to sit through a boring part. (This is often the advice given to people who don’t want to “deal with” Catholic ceremonies- just go to the reception! And I’m putting it out there now- THAT IS NOT OK.)
This is different. I view this casual get together more like a graduation party- just because you weren’t invited to the ceremony doesn’t mean you can’t come to the party.