congrats on your engagement. i'm sorry that it is overshadowed by concern. i have a few personal opinions...
in terms of your age -- although it is true that age may have nothing to do with it since you may very well be mature, i think that it would be fair to say that many people change in the 20s regardless of how mature you are (including what things are important to you). i know that i've changed from my early 20s to my early 30s and that things i thought i needed in a mate have changed as well...
in terms of your family -- i can see that you value your family (and their opinion to a degree), which is why you are so distraught. although there is always a part of us that often disagrees with our parents, often more times than not, they really do have the best intentions for us. For me, my parents always somehow disapproved of my prior boyfriends. And although i felt like i could be rebellious and felt that they were "wrong" and "close minded", in the back of my mind, it always bothered me despite the fact that i continued to date them (because in my mind, i could and i would. haha). But, I am glad that that i ultimately listened, because now i am SO happily engaged to the man i believe was meant for me (and my parents are approving, which is so great as well!).
and ultimately, i agree with everyone's sentiment that you should take your time to get officially married. Although it would seem easy to want to just do what both of you want, i think marriage will be hard enough and to not have the support of your families would not only be difficult, but really sad. And if this guy truly loves you, he will wait. If it is truly meant to be, then waiting for a year and even two or more should not change the future of your relationship. (and i mean a year or two where you are NOT planning a wedding, since that is its own beast...since i think most bees can attest that the relationship often becomes centered around planning the wedding instead of the relationship itself). Let your family get to know him since i'm sure they have valid concerns (a little more time will allow them a chance to get to hopefully see his true character and all that you love about him)...let your friends get to know him since they will be the people who will always have your best interest at heart.
hope i made sense
Good luck and i hope that everything works out for you. keep us updated.
congrats on your engagement. i'm sorry that it is overshadowed by concern. i have a few personal opinions...
in terms of your age -- although it is true that age may have nothing to do with it since you may very well be mature, i think that it would be fair to say that many people change in the 20s regardless of how mature you are (including what things are important to you). i know that i've changed from my early 20s to my early 30s and that things i thought i needed in a mate have changed as well...
in terms of your family -- i can see that you value your family (and their opinion to a degree), which is why you are so distraught. although there is always a part of us that often disagrees with our parents, often more times than not, they really do have the best intentions for us. For me, my parents always somehow disapproved of my prior boyfriends. And although i felt like i could be rebellious and felt that they were "wrong" and "close minded", in the back of my mind, it always bothered me despite the fact that i continued to date them (because in my mind, i could and i would. haha). But, I am glad that that i ultimately listened, because now i am SO happily engaged to the man i believe was meant for me (and my parents are approving, which is so great as well!).
and ultimately, i agree with everyone's sentiment that you should take your time to get officially married. Although it would seem easy to want to just do what both of you want, i think marriage will be hard enough and to not have the support of your families would not only be difficult, but really sad. And if this guy truly loves you, he will wait. If it is truly meant to be, then waiting for a year and even two or more should not change the future of your relationship. (and i mean a year or two where you are NOT planning a wedding, since that is its own beast...since i think most bees can attest that the relationship often becomes centered around planning the wedding instead of the relationship itself). Let your family get to know him since i'm sure they have valid concerns (a little more time will allow them a chance to get to hopefully see his true character and all that you love about him)...let your friends get to know him since they will be the people who will always have your best interest at heart.
hope i made sense
Good luck and i hope that everything works out for you. keep us updated.
posted by puffykins Worker bee: 86 posts 8 months ago