Post # 1
My FH’s parents just told us they are getting a divorce. We are six months out from our wedding and save-the-date cards were put in the mail 2 weeks ago. Along with the expected emotional trauma/fall out, there’s already been talk by my FH and FMIL of FFIL not being a part of the wedding along with his family/friends that were invited!
Is there an okay to go about not inviting people who have already received save-the dates?
As for the venting part of it… well it just sucks, because I really love my FFIL and he’s decided he’s had enough of my FMIL who can be a lot to deal with. There’s a lot of pain right now, and it just sucks. I’d like to think they might change their minds and work things out, but I’m realizing this has been a long time coming…
Anyone else dealt with a family divorce this close to their wedding?
Post # 3
Seems to me they could suck up their differences for your wedding day. They don’t have to sit by each other but can be cordial.
Post # 5
Right now, there’s a lot of raw emotions. If either one tells you right now ‘I’m not going if he/she is going, I don’t want this family member there’, etc, just nod, say something to the effect of ‘I’m sorry to hear that’, change the subject and move on. In a couple of months, they’ll likely be more reasonable.
Post # 6
I’m sorry for what you are going through. Both mine and FH’s parents are divorced and mine are recent. You still have 4 months til invites need to go out, so I would wait to change the guest list until that time. I don’t know why your FH and FMIL would be considering not inviting his father’s family and friends, but it would be rude not to invite people that already got a STD. They are invited for your wedding, the day is not about your FMIL and FFIL. They aren’t involved in the divorce so why should they not be included?
Post # 7
@foofiegirl: I don’t think its fair to punish your FFIL extended family by uninviting them because he decided to end his marriage. They are still and will always be your FH family. Is your FH the one who wants to uninvite these people or FMIL. If the latter I think give her space/time to think and heal and when its time to send invites calmy explain to her while FFIL family is invited she will be far away from them with her own family and that the day is about you and FH not her and FFIL. If its your FH who doesnt want his FFIL family I think letting him have a month or so to think about it would help a lot. I would just not mention anything until closer to invite time. As far as inviting FFIL himself I think you need to have a heart to heart with your Fi when he is good and ready that in a few years he would really really regret his father not being there. Let his mom know youll do what you can to keep them seperate but maybe have a girl to girl talk to gently remind her she needs to make the day happy for her son. Its all peachy keen and easy in theory but there are bound to be irrational responses and hurt/angry emotions so just remember the wedding is about you and your FH, not his parents divorce and at the end of the day you need to do what will make you two as a couple happiest and what you will look back on in 10 years and be happy with. Also, as a side note, try to not let your FMIL OR FFIL pull FH against the other parent. I have seen friends miss YEARS of a relationship with a parent because in a nasty divorce they were pulled to one side or the other. Mostly, good luck and remember to take time to focus on you, your FH, and your relationship because again his parents divorce is not your problem and you cant let it drag you down too much!
Post # 8
I would hope that more mature heads will prevail here even though I know that isn’t always the case. I’m not sure if there was any cheating involved or anything and that is why there is so much emotion going on. In the end I would let your FI make the final call with his family. If he doesn’t want specific people there then I would respect his wishes despite your own feelings on the subject. I’m sure people will be calmer is a few months when the invites go out.
Post # 9
I agree that it should ultimately be your FI’s call if someone is going to be ‘disinvited’, but honestly, your wedding should be kept as far away from the drama as possible. Whatever is happening between your FMIL and FFIL, I can’t really think of any scenario that would warrant a disinvitation. There may be anger and hurt feelings, but hopefully your FI is adult enough to see beyond that and realize he will likely regret not having both parents present at the wedding.
Post # 10
So far, space is definitely the best answer, for all involved.. I already see the parents trying to tug at Fi…. its just nasty. Trying to do my research on divorce, and hang low for now. Its funny though, no matter how often we say, let’s not talk about the wedding when we see your Mom/Dad tonight, it comes up by one of them….. so I’ve been dodging and redirecting as much as possible…. hopefully all are much more calm and reasonable by invites.
And thank you all for the consolation/advice.