Post # 1
hi i am new to the board. I am having kind of some family drama with my wedding. My wedding is in september. My mom died 2 years ago and its been getting hard with my wedding being so close. This drama is coming from my dads side of my family. I am have made the decision to not invite my dad to the wedding. I am going to explain the reasons why so you guys know the story in a short post. To begin i have never had an relationship with my dad. The kind you would call father daughter relationship.When i was younger he was never really around and when my parents got divorced it just got worse. Even then i didnt really want him in my life. After my mom died all hell broke loose. My dad tried to control me in everyway he could and threatened me and wanted to get rid of my fiance. He really hurt me to make it short and my soon to be husband and i decided we really dont want him at the wedding. My fathers side of the family is small and they are threatening not to come if i dont invite my dad. They are telling i will regret it him not being there. I honestly have thought about this even when before i was engaged and the plan i had with my mom was she was going to walk me down the aisle. They arent very happy that we are getting married and how we are doing things with the wedding. If they call me its all i hear from them is you need to invite your dad. I know if my dad did come it would be a big show he would put on. (kind of like he did at my mothers funeral, likes just say a fight almost happened with my moms side of the family and my dad.) I feel why should we invite someone to the wedding that doesnt want us together. I just dont know what way to tell them im tired of hearing about it and ive made my decision. Any ideas?? thanks for listening
Post # 3
I completely understand, my relationship with my parents is non existent and has been with my mom since I was 12 and my dad since birth. Oh drama. I was even upset that their names had to be on my marriage license! IMO, you dont need the drama, you dont want it and honestly a family that threatens you or makes demands on YOUR DAY, is ridiculous and needs help. Stick to your guns, they may only make your day worse and seriously after everything you have been through, you dont need it. Your Mom would not want it for you either. She will be looking down on you and blessing you and wanting you to be happy, so do what you can to make your day about you and your FI. You could tell them just the way you told us. I am a blunt person but I do care about others feelings but after everything they put you through, stress you dont need, just be tell them straight up.
Post # 4
I been in the same situation.Where my dad was not around and worst that his family didnt want me around. Until my mom pass away almost three years ago.
I didnt want my dad nor his family around. After my mom pass away I actually started talking to my dad. Because I dont want to have any regrets later in life. Yes I know he had mistakes in life. But we cant go back in time and change that.
But I will invite him to my wedding. He will not walk me down the aisle he will be there as a guest. Because I thnk that only one that could of done that was my mom. But she is no longer here.
Post # 5
I can not relate at all, but if I were in your shoes, I would not invite my dad. The day goes way too fast and you will not have time (nor should you even have to worry about) dealing with drama from your dad or his family. If his side of the family doesn’t come, then so be it. They will miss out and in my opinion its none of their business on why or why not he is invited…although I know how extended family can be!
Stick to your guns and if you decide not to invite him, you may want to have someone be "security" in case he comes so they can escort him out.
Post # 6
In addition to your family drama with your Dad, it sounds like your family isn’t supportive of your marriage period. They don’t approve of your fiance or "how you’re doing things with the wedding". Out of respect for your soon-to-be husband (IMO), these people shouldn’t be there. The presence of your guests signifies their support for you, and the two of you as a new family unit all on your own. It doesn’t sound like your family can be that for you, and I can imagine this is very hurtful and frustrating for you, and for your poor fiance!
I have a girlfriend who was in a similar situation, only it was her fiance’s family causing the drama. She and her husband eloped to Hawaii together and got married just the two fo them at sunset on the beach. Although his family was upset about it, and she wished her own side of the family could have been there, it helped them avoid a lot of pain, stress and dysfunction from the other side of the family.
Good luck deciding what to do!
Post # 7
Don’t let your family guilt you into something you don’t want. It’s completely understandable that you don’t want him there, and I wouldn’t either if I were you. This is YOUR wedding day, not his. And if his family is going to stand behind him, then they obviously dont care about your feelings any more than he does. Stick to your guns, and know that your Mom will be watching you and loving you every second. I’m sure she’d be proud of you for sticking to your guns.
Best of luck! *Hugs*
Post # 8
Thanks everyone! You have all made me feel better about sticking to my guns about not having my dad at the wedding.