- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Yay, more family drama. Families are the best.
FI has a really big family and a million friends. I don’t. We compromised on our bridal party by choosing five for each side. I asked three friends, my cousin, and FI’s little (half) sister. FI chose his older brother, his cousin, and three of his best friends. This means that he had to cut out other close friends and other close family members, including his younger half brother. We asked our WP last spring/summer, and when FI’s stepmom found out that his little brother wasn’t in the wedding party, she literally started crying, and immediately jumped on Facebook and posted this passive aggressive status about “feeling punched in the gut” (yes, while we were still there, sitting next to her).
FI is very much a people pleaser. He’s the kind of person who wants everyone else happy and will put the feelings of everyone in front of his own. I am not.
We went to his dad’s house last night for his little sister’s birthday, and his stepmom’s mom was there. We started talking about the wedding and she asked him who he’d chosen (no idea why, as she wouldn’t know any of them). I knew exactly what was going to happen, and as soon as he started trying to be vague, his stepmom started clenching her jaw and got up from the table. He later overheard her and her mom talking shit about him in the kitchen for not choosing his little brother, which made him feel awful.
I know generally people will say, “Oh, make that person a reader or an usher,” but we don’t want to do that. We’re not having anyone speak during the ceremony except us and the officiants, we hate readings (and I really doubt he’d want to do one anyway), and we do not want or need ushers. We don’t like the idea of an usher, especially because there’s no aisle, just long rows of seats, and we don’t feel that anyone needs to be “escorted” to them. His brother is also graduating high school this year, and going to college right after the wedding, so he doesn’t need one more thing on his plate at that time, and they really do not need to spend the money to rent him a tux.
Should FI talk to his brother? Or his dad? Both? When my MOH was planning her wedding, she emailed me to tell me that she hadn’t been able to choose me as a BM because they already had too many bridesmaids and some other things that I don’t remember. I was hurt and then got over it pretty quickly.
Anyone ever dealt with this before? Any advice on how to handle this and get his stepmom to at least stop being pissy in front of him and making him feel awful?