(Closed) Family DRAMA!!!

posted 8 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

That, unfortunately, is something that you are going to have to come to terms with on your own. I, for reasons I will not go into here, am not having either my stepfather or my biological father walk me down the aisle. My biological father doesn’t even know we are getting married. Instead, I am having my son walk me. It took me awhile to come to terms with this, but it is the best decision for me.

Post # 4
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It wouldn’t be wrong. You should have whoever you want walk you down the aisle or you don’t have to have anyone walk you down at all.
I hadn’t seen my Dad for 13 yrs until Sept & he’s not helping at all in our wedding but I’m having him (if he makes it here) walk me down the aisle just because that’s how I’ve always pictured it when I was a kid. I, however, am not having him “give me away” since he didn’t really raise me.

Post # 5
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I feel for you that no one is getting into the details of your wedding yet. A wedding takes so much planning and you need support.

I agree that it isn’t necessary to have a father walk his daughter down the aisle. My dad has been pretty distant my whole life since my parents divorced after 2 yrs and spends most of his time with his partner and his daughter from that relationship. He also doesn’t believe in marriage (hasn’t married his partner of 29 years) so when I announced I was engaged on a rare visit where we all met at a restaurant, he said “Why?” and “Well, do what you want…” I had already been engaged for three months and hadn’t told him because I never see him. He’s not a bad guy, just an old hippie who often takes a lot for granted in my opinion. I’ve been with my FI for 10 years and my dad doesn’t see why we can’t just keep living together. It’s just his belief. No biggie. But when my mother asked if I was going to ask him to walk me down the aisle, I kind of scoffed. He’s started to get more into the wedding now, so I feel like I should ask him.

But like so many other situations, sometimes it’s best to do what we feel is true to ourselves, not to much about doing what we “should”. Your wedding is about you and your FI. No matter how you two arrive to say your vows, make it about the two of you and what your values are. Your wedding is gonna be beautiful.

It sounds like your family is so busy dealing with the first wedding and I’m wondering if when that’s out of the way, they will turn all of their focus to you. It’s such a big event time-wise and financially for parents, they’re probably just doing everything they can manage to get the first wedding together. I’m sure they’re so happy for you, just really stressed out right now.

Still, I would feel the same as you. Maybe gather people around you who are excited for you, friends etc. Then you’ll have that energy around you to help you plan in a positive mood.   

Post # 6
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think that perhaps you should talk to your Father and let him know how you feel re his involvement in your wedding etc.  You might find that he is totally oblivious to how his actions are affecting you.

That said if you truly in your heart of hearts don’t want him to walk you down the aisle, there is no reason why he should.  My Mother is walking me down the aisle and I have a birth Father and a step Father, I just felt that my Mom deserved the privilege over anyone, as she has been my rock over the years (I don’t have a very close relationship with my birth Father either). You do what’s right for you.

Post # 8
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m extremely close to my dad, I’m a complete Daddy’s girl. My parents are going through a difficult time finanically and even though they are helping somewhat, we’re taking care of about 2/3 of the wedding ourselves. My dad cares very little about the details of the wedding (and I don’t expect him to). Even though your parents are financially supporting your brother, I would never DREAM about not asking my dad to walk be down the aisle. But every family is different. I would just make sure that you don’t make any rash decisions that you will later regret.

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