(Closed) Family Drama

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Aw that sucks…especially the part about your father not sticking up for you. I guess the good part is you have a good amount of time to figure out how to break the news. FI and I waited until just two months before our wedding to tell his mother that her husband won’t be invited (they got married long after FI moved out of her house). I do not reccommend waiting that long! She’s devastated, we’ve all had words, and she looks completely MISERABLE in all the pictures taken at my bridal shower last week. No doubt trying to guilt us into inviting him. I can only imagine what she will be like at the wedding. She’s already told us it won’t be good and no longer feels any joy about attending. Nice.

Undecided

Still, even with all of this to deal with, FI and I are happy with our decision not to invite the guy. He’s an abusive a-hole. I know it’s hard, but stick to your guns. Don’t compromise your own happiness on your wedding day! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh, I forgot to ask…can your mom help out with breaking the news or would she disagree with your decision too?

Post # 6
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I can relate as well.  I went through the same thing – I did not invite my stepfather, or his side of the family to my wedding.  I was really worried about everyone’s reaction, and almost caved just to avoid any confrontation.  But once the invitations were out, the decision made, and there was no going back, I can tell you that it was completely worth it.  I am so excited that he will not be there.  I guess my situation is a little easier because everyone that will be there completely supports and understands my decision.  Sorry you are going through this! 

Post # 7
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I totally hear you on not wanting to cause problems for your mom and dad. This must be so hard. The anxiety you must be feeling…ugh. Stay strong! Your FI sounds like a great guy ๐Ÿ™‚ Sticky family situations send a lot of people running for the hills. I almost didn’t get invoved with my FMIL over her husband’s non-invite. But she kept calling FI sobbing and just generally driving him nuts. So, I had to bite the bullet, step in, and tell her to back. off. It was actually kinda liberating but I was so anxious beforehand!

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell him your site is too small!  Haha,  * See post about cancelling October wedding!!! EEEkkk

Post # 10
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Situations like this are always tense.  You made your decision after much thought and reflection.  Stick with it!  There will always be rifts in families, but I think it is more important to surround yourself with people who love and support you than to invite rude people to avoid confrontation.  They’ll get over it.

For what it is worth, we discussed how to set up our wedding to avoid inviting any extended family, due to a major falling out with my cousin with whom I used to be very close.  Instead of all of our families being invited (even the ones we didn’t really care for!), we are going to make it immediate family (parents, siblings and spouses, nieces/nephews) and our closest friends.  I like knowing that we will be surrounded by love and support.  We will get nasty looks and such after the fact, but it is worth it.  We don’t hang out with those people in our regular life, and we don’t want to in our “wedding life.”

Post # 11
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I hear you on not wanting to tell people about who you’re not inviting! I’m in a tricky situation cos the person I’m tossing up about inviting is my dad. We don’t really have a very good relationship and he’s just not that interested in me or my sister and he’s made it very clear that he thinks that weddings are just a bit waste of money (he recently got married at a registry office and didn’t invite my sister or I) so I kinda feel like why should he be there if he can’t even make the effort to ask me anything about the wedding! The problem is is that we have this sort of relationship that’s crap but it’s not volitile at the moment so from his point of view it might come out of left field. I’m thinking of ringing him a few weeks out from the wedding and telling him he can come to the ceremony but I don’t see why I should fork out $300 for him and his new wife to have a nice meal when he thinks it’s all a big waste of money AND he can’t even be bothered asking me what’s going on in my life. I don’t quite know what I’m going to say to him about not coming to the reception but I suppose I’ve always got the trump card of saying “at least you’ll be able to see me get married – you didn’t give me the chance to see you do the same!” Eeeep!

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