- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Background: My dad was adopted. It was a shady adoption where his birth mother passed him off to a nurse that would take him. My dad (and his adopted siblings) was (were) abused by this woman, both verbally and physically. He left the house young. I don’t know how the ties were eventually mended, but I do remember her being around when I was very young (side story: when I was an infant I screamed when I saw her or if she tried to hold me. Only her.). We saw her for holidays, and I remember her taking us to the movies twice.
More recently: Last summer her and my dad had a HUGE falling out. My grandma’s brother was diagnosed with Stage 4 bladder cancer. When my dad was discussing this with her, one of the things she told him was “you won’t ever understand, you’re not blood.” And this stung my dad, severely. I hadn’t heard from her until she expressed interest in coming to my bridal shower, and my mom invited her. I’m almost certain she was drunk when she arrived. <br />My Uncle, he is a drug addict who won’t help himself. He has taken advantage of the family, won’t show up to jobs he is handed, and my grandma is upset with my dad because he won’t give my uncle money or let him stay with them (all the while, she has been taking care of him to the tune of thousands of dollars that she doesn’t have) and among other reasons, NO ONE in my family cares to see him.
Presently: My mom said I should send them both an invitation. Both invites were “return to sender” and arrived back to me. My dad isn’t sure where they are living currently. And due to more family dynamics, this situation is weighing heavy on my dad because he just wants to do the right thing.
FI says that if we don’t invite them/tell them this could be the end of my dad’s relationship with my grandma. I say that this is rocky right now, and that’s the feeling I am going off of. That’s just what it is. Our wedding isn’t the end of anything.
At this point, I don’t care to see them. Our day is September 7th. I told my parents that I will include them in our guest count, but I will NOT allow them to just show up the day of the wedding unannounced. I hate surprises and that’s the worst kind of surprise I could ask for. My grandma is likely to manipulate my dad and his sister, and whine about how no one calls her….and well I guess now why no one bothered to find her.
TL;DR: There’s a lot of family drama with key family members that is really weighing my dad down daily. He just wants to do the right thing, but I don’t think that the turmoil my dad is putting himself through for these people is worth it.
Anyone else from the other side have any stores about inviting or not inviting family members and how everything turned out? I just feel so badly for my dad, and my mom, who have to deal with this in the weeks leading up to my wedding. 🙁