- 4 years ago
I really didn’t know where to post this, family, emotional, etc… but it is Not Wedding Related so I figured I’d post here. So if you don’t want your holiday spirit to be brought down please don’t read 🙂
Let me start with some background info. My parents got divorced probably when I was about 4. In my childhood I spent pretty much every holiday and summer with my dad, and thats the only time I got to see him. It’s gotten more complicated since college.
This past summer, I got an internship in the city where my dad lives, and he was happy to let me stay at his house. They had just moved back in, too, from a crazy 2 years of moving around the country during job switching.
At the same time, my SO of 2 years had just graduated and was moving to the same city to start his job, but wasn’t able to go apartment hunting from our college town. He also was required to go to training in ANOTHER city far away for the whole summer. I asked my dad if he could stay for a small part of the summer, explaining the situation, and he agreed.
SO showed up and stayed for about a week in a bedroom on a different floor from me. He had brought all of his belongings (a very, very small amount). My step mom starts acting really coldy to him, and me, my dad, and her have a conversation and she says she didn’t know “he was moving in”. I had previously explained the situation and said he wasn’t even going to be here, just a few boxes that were completely out of her way on the top floor where she never goes anyways.
So the whole summer goes by, I go apartment hunting for him and find a nice little 1 bedroom, and we get it set up so that as soon as he gets back he can sign the papers and move in. As soon as he gets back, he stays maybe 1 or 2 more nights before we start moving his stuff in.
This also happens to be the last day of my internship, and I have only a week left before I have to go back to school, where we will begin the start of a 2 year long distance streak. So you can imagine I want to spend time with my SO. After a long day of moving things in, I decide to spend the night at his apartment, just like I had practically every night for those 2 years.
The next day, we’re still out shopping and things and I text my dad to see if they need anything. No reply. We go back to their house when we’re done to spend some time with them. They are acting really weird and cold to both of us. I figure maybe they had gotten into a fight and are just being weird. They go to bed at like 9, so we leave the house again to go stay at my SOs apartment. I get a call like an hour later from my dad saying we need to talk. I’m like ok… considering earlier probably would’ve been the perfect time to bring it up.
The next day I go back to my dads house to start packing up all my stuff to go back to college and I’m locked out. My key only works on the deadbolt, so somebody had purposefully turned all the hand locks AND had unhooked the garage door so it wouldn’t open. I couldn’t believe it. My SO’s apartment you have to be clicked in to get in, and he was in a meeting for most of the morning, so I had to unshowered in McDonalds like a hobo until like 1pm.
Later that day my dad wants us to come over to talk (only him, no step mom), and me and my SO come over in the pouring rain. Basically he tells me he doesn’t approve of us sleeping in the same room and felt decieved that I had just left them. I told them I respected their wishes inside of their house, but outside they had no jurisdiction as this had been my life for the past 2 years. I told him I still wanted to come over and spend the evenings with them when they got home for work. I also said I was really, really ashamed of how my step mom had been acting that summer, to my dad and to my SO. He agreed and everything was ok, and he was crying and just said “I just dont want to lose you”.
So the next day I come over by myself, my dad is home alone, we are hanging out while I pack and do laundry. Then he goes to have dinner with my step mom. I’m not invited. I’m kind of upset at that, but I just leave it. I get hungry myself and go back to SO’s house to eat. I get a call at about 10pm from my dad telling me I have to drop everything and get all my stuff out of their house, now. “You can’t have it both ways.” So, very angrily I go back through the basement, with the help of my SO throw everything into his car. Only my dad came down to say goodbye. Clearly he is upset, but I’m so furious at this point I don’t really care.
I just couldn’t believe he would pick my step mom (who he admitted to me was being a total bitch, in those words. He NEVER swears) over his daughter. After he had said that it was okay. He has tried to make amends, and we are mostly ok now, but I’m still upset over it.
Now for the real question, he wants me to come for Thanksgiving. I am really, really, really not sure I should go. I really don’t want to see my step moms face. I don’t want either of them to think what they did was okay, or that I will accept them treating my potential life partner that way. It’s not like he is rude, by any means either. My aunt and my grandparents adore him, along with the rest of my family.
I want to spend it with SO’s family, because they’ve always been super accepting of me. I just feel guilty because I’ll have the rest of my life to have holidays with him, and not so much with my dad.
I just feel like it might be too soon for me to forgive and forget. But I don’t think I’ll ever forget, I’ll admit I have a problem with holding grudges.
Anyways, I know that was a little bit of a rant, I just don’t know what to do and I guess I need my emotions validated. I was always the model, good child and I’m not taking the rejection well.