(Closed) Family drama during family crisis….I’m so tired of it all!!!! (long venting!)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

hugs. is there a reason you dont drive? ( i just got my license after having permit for 10 years.) i also know what family -sibling drama is about- im the youngest out of ten children…we all have issues with eachother. hopefully they get thier heads out of their as$es and come together for ur father.

Post # 4
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry you are having to deal with the additional drama of your sisters when you have such a serious illness going on with your father. It sounds like your sisters’ feelings are hurt. Maybe you aren’t calling or hanging out with them as much as you used to now that you are engaged? I don’t think they expect you to magically know when they are going to go out and doing something. What I think they were saying is that if you called them on a regular basis then you would know about upcoming or current events. But this is a two way street. I try to call my friends/fam or shoot them an email just to see how they are and to say hi, this often leads to plans with them.  If I were you I would sit down with them after things have cooled off a bit and hash it out. I’m guessing their feelings have been hurt for a while and now they are finally demonstrating this when the adult thing to do would have been to voice it in the beginning so it could have been resolved. Now your feelings are hurt, theirs are hurt and everyone should be coming together to support your father and speed his recovery. You only get one family, I would try to make things better.

Post # 6
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Missteryusjay:  thats why i refused to drive after i got my permit.. then i got married at 18 .had three kids and i wished i got my license sooner… i was not allowed to do anything without my ex husband having to drive me places. he belittled my “driving skills” and moved us far away from my parents so i was stuck at home for5.5 years. . when i decided i was gonna leave him my dad came and picked up my stuff. i went to dmv the next day and failed my test because all the negitive things he had said just kept playing in my head.  it took 2 years for me to get those thoughts out of my head and just practicepractice practice.plus having a really good boyfriend/fiance to encourage and support me help.

 

you can do it! maybe drivers education classes?

Post # 8
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

welcome 🙂 do you have your permit? ( also depending on age the drivers test can be really simple.) oregon- if you are over 25 you dont have to do a written/computer test. just drive with a dmv worker.   any friends that can help you practice? mom?

Post # 10
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

first step go get your permit. read the book. ( really suprised ur state takes the permit away after three months..)  not sure how the test is for permit. its been too long for me.. i think it was 25 questions on a computer and then a vision test.  breathe and think postive( i hear you on the freak out coach–dad was that way from age 15-17. i spilled hot coffee on him one time and he didnt let me forget it. lol.) also when u start driving  do it during non busy day time hours. side streets , empty parkin lots. 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

My top suggestion would be to stop allowing your mom & your sisters to be the gatekeeper to your father. Call him yourself. Directly.  Unless there’s a reason you can’t?  If you had a solid relationship with your father directly, then your sisters wouldn’t have been able to drive a wedge in there – so look at what you’re doing/not doing that has permitted that, and take steps to change it.

You’ve chosen not to drive – and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, the consequence of that is you’re dependent on others.  But expecting your sisters or your FI to ferry you around is unrealistic.  Hire a driver or a taxi or take the bus or a train – just get yourself there independently.  Because what your actions are showing is that your Dad is only important if it doesn’t inconvenience you too much. I can see why your sisters are 

It’s obvious your sisters like to exclude you. So stop giving them the opportunity to do so. Because you know nothing you can do will be right – you’ll either be calling them too much or not enough. So drop the rope and don’t engage with them.   If they only include you when they want something, you can say “no”, or you can negotiate a trade – say, watch their kids for XX drives to see your father.  Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
7697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Missteryusjay: Just wondering?- Can you ask the sister that you live with “when are you and other sister planning to go see dad again?” and let her know that you would like to join them. and then just be ready that day/time?  Good luck.  I’m sorry that they treat you so terribly.  🙁

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