- 3 years ago
You’ve all been super supportive over the last couple of years and I feel like I need to do a little venting, so bear with me. I’m going anonymous with this one, as I don’t want anyone to recognise me if possible.
Its been two months (!) since DH and I got married and we’ve been getting used to living together (finally), and trying to work out our lives. We’re loving it, its hard work, but its awesome!
Anyway, my family have really cast a black shadow over our first few months together (and even before the wedding), and i just don’t know how to deal with them anymore. It started when we got engaged – my mom and sister got super annoyed at us as the wedding was in DH and my country – we iive in the US, my family do not – and as a result, we couldnt afford to invite all our extended families and friends, and had decided on a very small wedding. They aired their concerns for months and were annoyed we didnt change our minds. For the record, our wedding was perfect, and exactly how we wanted it.
Anyway, they arrived to the town of the wedding a couple of days beforehand and from the get go complained about being bored, and how it would have been better if the rest of their side of the family was there so they had something to do. They also refused to help with wedding preparations until the day of the wedding, because they felt like they werent needed and DH’s family were more important than they were. I tried to ask for help wth decorations, food etc., but they would just sit on the couch watching the rest of us getting ready. They also complained DH and I werent spending enough time with them before the wedding, and that the family events we had planned to help everyone meet and get to know each other were awful because it was “his family vs us”. Anyway, to help this situation, i decided to spend the night before the wedding at their hotel – to have some girl time with mom and my sister, and to chat to them. Well, that was the worst decision i made all week. Both of them told me that it would have been better if we’d eloped, that we’ve caused so much drama, were extremely selfish and that they felt like i had abandoned them. On the night before my wedding. I was so upset – they just kept saying how i was terrible at communication (because they don’t like to use skype, email, facebook or postal mail to communicate and I can’t afford to buy an international phone plan), and that i like DH’s family better than them. It was horrible and i spent the morning of the wedding crying to my DH. Even at the wedding, mum stood aside and grumpily watched – she didnt even smile in the photos we took with her – they look terrible.
Since then, things havent really gotten any better with my sister. She keeps trying to cut contact wth me if i don’t reply to a facebook message after a couple of days. This month, she didnt reply to anything I said to her for three weeks, and now that she’s happy to reply, she complained about how it had been 3 days since she last heard from me. Not wishing to justify it, but I had a super drammatic weekend with legalities relating to my immigration, so i havent had a chance to reply to anything since before the weekend. She refuses to pay for internet at home, even though she has no rent costs, and says that she will only talk to me if i call her on the phone. The last time i called her, it cost me $80 and her $0.
Anyway, I’m super frustrated and am trying so hard to please her and my mother, but seem to be getting nowhere. I tell my dad some of this stuff (parents are divorced), but he just tells me to be the bigger person and to not react, because obviously my mom and sister are stressed so i need to make allowances for that. I’m so tired of it, and just want them to let me have some time to enjoy being married and to focus on my issues when they arise without feeling guilty for not focussing entirely on them.
Sorry for the long rant, but i really needed to talk to someone about this and my poor DH is having to bear the brunt of this crap. He’s so close to contacting them both to tell them to back off as it really hurts me, but I want to avoid that if possible because that will strain his relationship with them unnecessarily.
Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.