Family drama over invitations!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

Wilson2Bee:  Wow, sorry to hear about this… but my advice would be not to invite them just because your parents have asked you not to.  Yes, you have been close and they’ve done nothing to you but you are aware of what happened and that will make you uncomfortable as well as your parents. 

For covering it up, tell them that your venue only holds so many and that you’re only inviting immediate family and very close friends, if they ask.

Post # 3
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

What do your parents say about Family Y?  I would not invite the Xes at your parents’ request, but I would still invite the Ys.

Post # 4
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would invite them. If your parents don’t open up about what happened, Mrs. X (and family Y) will feel inexplicably snubbed by you. That’s not a position I’d willingly put myself in. 

Post # 6
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

Just invite family Y and if there is a confrontation tell Mrs. X to speak with her husband. End of story.

Post # 7
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 I agree wit Olgarie,  while it seems impossible now, Mr. X did something terrible and dangerous to not only his family but your parents.  If the Y family realizes the X family isn’t there then just be very casual, “Oh, we aren’t as close as we once were.”  end of story.

Post # 8
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Do NOT invite family X out of respect for your parents. Your parents wishes should come first and foremost, especially if they are helping in any way paying for the wedding. I agree with Olgarie too, to invite family Y still and then if Mrs X asks, then please let her know. She has a right to know and she can deal with her husband.

Post # 10
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would just not invite either family. You don’t want drama or to be thinking about that stuff on your wedding day. 

Post # 11
Member
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wilson2Bee:  First, I think your mother should tell Mrs. X about what Mr. X did. Not so much because of the drugs, but because Mr. X made an advance on her. How will Mrs. X feel about your mother, when she finally finds out, and then finds out your mother knew and didn’t tell her?

As to who to invite: who’s paying for the wedding? If you’re paying – invite them all. (After all, Mr. X is very good at hiding his demons, so it won’t affect your wedding). If your parents are paying, then unfortunately they get to not invite the Xs and Ys.

p.s. If your parents aren’t paying but want you to not invite them, you could tell them: “Tell Mrs. X the truth, or else I’m inviting them all. The way to show your anger to Mr. X is by telling Mrs. X, not by not inviting them all

Post # 12
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wilson2Bee:  Similar situation here. My FI’s Great Aunt is married to a man no one in the family can stand to be around (for an extremely good reason, something I do not feel comfortable disclosing). If we invite the Aunt however we cannot tell her that her husband can’t come. FI wants to not invite any of the Great Aunts or Uncles so it won’t be an issue but there are a few we would (ideally)like to be there so it’s such a awkward position to be in. 

I haven’t come up with a solution yet 🙁 Good Luck! 

Post # 13
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Our policy with family related drama is to be transparent but to remove ourselves if it’s not really our business.

If we were put in this situation we would not invite family X for the reasons you mentioned (specifically because your parents asked you not to).  We would go ahead and invite the other family if we truly wanted them present.  If family X inquired we would let them know that it was a family decision and we were supporting our parents wishes and direct them to speak to our parents.  We would be clear with our parents that we’re willing to respect their wishes to not invite family X but that we would be directing questions relating to the decision back to them since it’s their concern. 

Sorry you have to deal with this.  Another option we’d consider, to spare any drama with parents, is to not invite either family and to accept the reasons behind it and absolve ourselves that our intentions are not to hurt anyone but to ensure we provide a safe space for all of our guests. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors